PICTURE DAY

Here is Rylan's DAY in pictures:

He attempted to use the broom to pick up his mess! Soon enough homeboy will be doing JUST that!

He ate yogurt like a caveman ("ahh me hungry"--oh wait that sounds like cookie monster--you get the picture)

After enjoying McDonald's at the Mall with his friend Melody we came home and found this in our front yard (sorry my windows are DIRTY DIRTY)

Rylan was excited there was a BIG OL truck.
The friggen electricity was out and we had a smelly kid! What to do....well Pete gave the prince a romantic candle lit bath and apologized to him that the first candlelit bath he would experience is with his father and not a lady with big honken ta ta's! As you can see from the pictures below Rylan LOVED it and might expect it every night! (thanks to the flash it doesn't look like it is dark but believe me it is)

Here ye Here ye...Public Apology

Aimee Dos Santos has made a mistake.

Dearest Sarah---my free cup of coffee supplier---forgive me for publicly outing you making it seem you gave me a coupon that was about to expire via snail mail and I didn't get to use it. I retract this statement....as I am a MORON.

Dearest Mailman---I am sorry I wanted to put tacky glue all over the opener of my mailbox to teach you a lesson about not messing with my mail or my COFFEE. I retract my statement of blame....as I am a MORON.

Clearly you would think at 31 years of age I could READ the calendar right? I mean I am well educated...a teacher...a fairly wicked SMOT lady right?.......I made a mistake and my husband called me on it. As the coupon reads good until May 28!
I don't deserve this free gift after casting such stones.....but forgive me Sarah....I am KEEPING it BEAUUUUCHHH! :-)

I adore you...and I am so grateful that you will save me on a day I really need a cup of coffee.

My NEW FAVORITE Picture

Where Did Lunch Go?

Toddler's and their naps -F -everything up.
You know how growing up you were told you had to eat 3 meals a day and consider the dang pyramid graph of the five basic food groups or you would be DOOMED. All of this emphasis led me to have a MAD CRAZY fascination with making sure I did this. Ask anyone close to me and they will tell you--I will revolve an entire day around when to eat my three meals. If on vacation there MUST be a plan--or else--DOOMED.
So then I became on Mom. I first beat myself up about bottles and times. Do I wake the sleeping baby? Is he getting enough? And when he had the massive reflux it through me to the edge of insanity worrying if he was getting enough.
Then came solids. My kid from day one swore off veggies just like his Mom. I worried about being a bad Mom and not getting enough of the pyramid in him.
Then toddler hood arrived and all that shit went out the window......
as CLEARLY Rylan had a mind of his own. If he doesn't like the five basic food groups that day--you will find them thrown throughout the dining room suddenly turned Eygpt with pyramids of food EVERYWHERE (sometimes days later and all crusty on your great dining room chairs).
He changes naps like pampers. One day he will take two hours, another 20 minutes, and another 3 hours. The start and end time vary but it always --always seems to be smack in the middles of the typical "lunch time". This drives his mother bonkers seeing as she designs her days around the 3 meals. 11 am is too early to feed him lunch because it seems like Brunch...3pm seems like it is about to hanker into dinner time....so clearly I am screwed.
I just pray he can remain to grow and be on autopilot off of apple juice and goldfish crackers or he is DOOMED.

Some Things I Must Speak Of...

Asparagus. HATED it as a kid and my entire adult life until my brother in law grilled in last weekend and I ate almost the entire plate. Add it to my repertoire of new items I hated has a kid and now love as an adult. I grilled some this evening and was practically fighting Pete off for every piece (I still DO hate the fury tops though). Speaking of the list I made last week of things I love now and hated then...you might have seen the comment that my dear friend Sarah left about sending me something delightful in the mail. I got it in the mail last night-- It was quite yumma-licious...a free cup of coffee of Starbucks new flavor Pikes Place...sadly my dear Sarah...I looked to use it today and I am a DAY late and a dollar short ya'll! If only the mail man could get his shit together and move a little quicker between San Fransisco and Connecticut right? Thanks for thinking of me though--I know I can count on you for ordering me a pick me up! (no need to send me asparagus in the mail however) I still love the last package you sent with the stripper book (Diablo Cody rocks)--NOW that was a PICK ME UP! But I am sure as a kid I would have loved that book too--as for some really odd reason I told my parents at the dinner table ( while in Elementary School aged) that I thought I would like to be a stripper someday! (hows that for high hopes for your daughter and choking on your broccoli at the table!)

Proactiv. The jury is still out on this bleaching concoction. It has been a month and my skin has yet to look better and infact seems a bit worse and itchy! I am giving it one more round (2 months) to see what happens. I am hoping to look like Jessica Simpson with less boobs, and shine like P Diddy and preserving his "sexy" as he claimed. We shall see. I am a sucka for infomercials. If it was up to me we would own Hip Hop abs, and a Bullet by now (the food processor people--NOT the adult toy--get you head out of the gutter--this is not Playboy tv infomericals). I remember when I was about 25 years old I came home to my NYC apartment after a LONG flight from Italy and bought the worst product EVER....Kathy Lee Gifford anti-wrinkle cream set. I kid you not. This is the first time I am admitting to this. I blame it on jet lag....and the horrible guy I was dating at the time that said I look old and weathered...and needed to lose an abundance of pounds when I weighed 100 lbs WET. The crap came in the mail and I tried it...and it did nothing...and thankfully I didn't wake up looking like a women who is about 20 years older then me. (Thankfully I also woke up and got out of that abusive relationship). Clearly this gal needs NOT to watch any infomerical..and if proactiv doesn't get active soon..I need to go back to good ol' Ivory. (or call Kathy Lee for her tips now that I am almost the age she was when she made that crap 10 years ago)

American Idol. I am so entirely bummed Carly is gone..and pissed that 80% of the "top 5" stink. I am starting to tell myself I am never watching this show again (and then you know next year I will) I am going to be so pissed if all those gaggle of teenage girls call in and make one of the two barely pubescent boys win. I will keep hoping for David Cook or Brooke to make it to the end.

The Hills. Sometimes I forget my age. Pete reminds me how "young minded" I am when I have continued to watch the REAL WORLD since the show STARTED. I know I might be a wee bit too old for that show...and the other MTV shows...but it is my guilty pleasure to look back at what you "think are problems" at that age...and clearly are far from it when in comparison to being a grownup with KIDS. I was watching my tivo-d episode of the Hills today...why is it that I got excited that I have the SAME white apple computer as LO or that I know BY HEART all of Lauren Conrads mannerisms. SAD I know. I mean these kids are like 10 years younger then I am and I am all up in there biz! FREAK...OLD FREAK I am. (Maybe if I made wrinkle cream and an infomerical they would BUY it!) Seriously..why is it when we are young we want to grow up SO bad and when we are older we fantasize about our younger days wishing we still had the freedoms, the cute bod, and a gaggle of wrinkle cream we SO DID NOT NEED then...but could use now?

Houses. A few months back I posted pictures of a house that is foreclosed that we put a bid on. At the time they turned us down, but are now re-considering another offer of ours. Today the women at the bank calls my realtor at 9:30 saying she need a best and final by 10am. WOW lady thanks for an entire 1/2 hour to decide what financial crunch we can put ourselves in. Apparently there is another offer on the house and we wait.....and wait.

Dr. appointment. Tomorrow will mark one week till I am back at the cancer center waiting for results. Hoping and praying they have SOME NEWS instead of having to schedule a bone marrow sampling. Send me your good thoughts my way people...I need good news and some explanation of this "thick blood" and feeling like I am on the brink of the Flu all the time.

Mom day. I am looking forward to Thursday. Us Moms are going to a comedy show and chocolate reception MINUS kids! It is literally like a day off from work for us stay at home moms!

BlogHer. Can I get WHOO WHOO or a WHAT WHAT---in celebration that two of my favorite things are being advertised on this very blog---HGTV and ANN Taylor! I must be dreaming! And I thought that all they would post on my blog was Desitin or hemorrhoid cream! FANTASTIC!

Don't Ask Me If I Am Expecting

Ok first who was the mo mo who decided to pack away all of their winter clothing AND bedding before Cinco De Mayo...yeah that would be this girl. Pete and I froze all of our ASS-sets in bed last night with our wimpy summer bed spread instead of our mega pimp down duvet. We have resorted to turning the heat back on and I am looking for clothes to wear in my big storage bin (while my cute summer wardrobe sits patiently in my draws--ya know my thong bikini and tube tops I am dying to wear :-) )

It i a crappy day outside. Rylan doesn't understand we can not play in RAIN. He has successfully asked about 50 times to go "bye bye" today. We are both in our winter crap sweats and dreaming of bathing suits and ocean swimming. (SOON Aruba is only a matter of WEEKS away!) So I took him out to Stop and Shop to get his mind off of good weather and on to Deli meats. He enjoys his free samples of cheese and it keeps him a wee bit quiet for at least 1 aisle of food shopping. The little man only has his limits when it comes to food shopping....your only options for keeping him sitting and some what happy are --FEED THE BEAST--give him your cell phone to call China---and try to "race" the cart down the aisle making you look like a big ol' ass. As mothers we do what we gotta do to keep it all together.

So I get to the check out line and Rylan is literally trying to climb out of the shopping cart. The women bagging our groceries says " Is he your first"..I say yeah..and she says "no wonder he is so bad you should have left him at home"...umm with who the squirrels in the back yard. Agitated I try to ignore her until she said "and you have another one on the way I see"....ARE you F#$%en kidding me lady?! I almost told her "no it just all the bread I am trying to steal out of the store" or "Na it just the 15 hostess cupcakes I eat for every meal making me LOOK like a sibling is on the way" or "yes in October I am going to give birth to a small cow, some hotdogs, and crap load of Thai Chicken Lean Cuisine"..but my wittiness escaped me for the moment. Instead I said "No Not yet". The only thing that stopped me from taking off her head is she did seem a bit special needs. Still I went home feeling like a Bison in the rain. Don't MOST people know they are NEVER to ask anyone if they are expecting?.. NOT only does it stab you when you are trying to conceive...but makes you feel REAL hot when you aren't the size 5 you used to be.

Rylan's Rhodie Roadtrip

My son is now a major fan of his grandparents in Rhode Island, as they encouraged his love of water and dirt and literally looked like Pig Pen. My mother thought it was funny to watch me cringe everytime he rubbed dirt on his leg, spilled water on himself, or sat in puddles of mud. I have never seem him so nasti-fied! It was so bad that for the five minute trip down the road in my sisters car I had to strip him down to a diaper and a sweatshirt (yup my kid was pretty much camando). The good news is I did infact lighen up a bit and thankfully with my mom's care free way about it, I think I might give him a bucket and some dirt more often. He IS after all a boy.

We returned back to my sister when Rylan decided he wanted more and said--clear as day "GO OUTSIDE"--more then once.(I nearly broke out into tears) I wanted to reward him for saying such things, but it was bedtime. I thought this would be an easy sell since he HAD NO NAP all day, and was exhausted from playing with his cousin. Instead of a peaceful winding down...he choose to scream for about an hour. I have never heard him cry that much EVER--I went in to get him and his shirt was soaked from crying! I took him out and put him on the sofa with a Baby Einstein....and off he went to sleep in no time.

He woke up today again at 6am. He did infact snuggle with Pete and I for about 40min in bed (which he NEVER does)...but needless to say the entire house was bathed, clothed, and out the door to IHOP by 7:30. Remember the days when IHOP was for hung over college kids that go eat at 11am.....yep times have sure changed.

Pete had a great weekend playing his alumni game at URI and decided that Rylan needed a URI t-shirt to represent. (sadly I think my college --Wheelock--probably only makes them in pink since it is mostly an all girls college)

The ride home was ok. THANK THE GOOD LORD for portable DVD player- that DID not fall this time. He was a real trooper all the way home...his mother on the other hand NOT SO MUCH (hey I had to pee!).

We ended our Sunday with Rylan in a bucket of water at his other grandparents house (they cringed as he soaked his clothes and I told them they too will get used to it), eating fried dough, and making a bid on a house! (can you blame me after reading reasons to get out of the neighborhood and the neighborhood BOOB Partrol).

Here is a run down of pics:


Life is a ZOO





Ava and Rylan loved the Barn Yard and petting the sheep (the sheep was a good camper letting the little ones poke it's behind)




When in Rhode Island do as the natives do and drink frozen lemonade (sadly Rylan's first experience was NOT Del's (I know the Rhodie's out there are boo'ing me)--but they only had New England Lemonade)




Rylan fell asleep in the midst of eating a goldfish (hence the tail hanging out of his mouth)



The Kids enjoying time at Grammy and Grampy's house

On the Roadie in Rhodie

We found ourselves on the road later then we had hoped as it was, so an extra stop put us over the edge. We decided to bring a Christmas present from grandma and grandpa on the road with us... a portable DVD player that was blasting Elmo. This made Rylan so incredibly happy that he felt the need to kick and pull at the case hanging from the passenger seat. Pete and I thought it was the actual case, so we stopped off at the inlaws to borrow a case from them. After about a half hour of the Dos Santos men trying to figure out HOW to securely fasten the DVD holder, we were OFF to Rhode Island. Exactly twenty minutes after that, I was putting the DVD player away and handing Rylan a pacey to console his Elmo heartache. Rylan again figured out how to kick it enough to make the thing fall off. Needless to say we have to invest in a carry case that sits in between the front seats and AWAY from little hands and feet. For the next hour we listened to his lullaby cd trying to get him to go to sleep--it was after all WAYYYYY past his bedtime. All the stinking cd was make Pete and I want to sleep. It was 9pm and 45 minutes away from my sister's house when Rylan fell asleep and to top the ride off--we ran out of gas. The first three gas stations were not open (yes on a Friday night), and luckily we found one that WAS open before the car gave way on the side of the road.

We were thankful we decided to come last night, hoping that Rylan's LATE NIGHT would make him want to sleep late. Not so much. Homeboy was up at 6am humming a tune. Pete and I practically played rock, paper, scissors to see which of our sorry asses would try and keep this 21 month old quiet while the rest of the house was sleeping. Somehow we both got up and gave in. One Elmo, and one Wiggles DVD later, he was ready to blow this joint. Somehow sweet Rylan thought things are open at 7 am. He continually blew us kisses and saying "Bye Bye" while wondering why his "staff" (his parents) were clearly not obeying.

We decided to order some omelets and my sister was calling it in. As she was telling the waitress on the other line that she wanted "Italian toast" my crazy husband started yelling out "MAKE SURE ITS ITALIAN". Then my sister ordered one with wheat toast and Pete yelled out "WHEAT WHEAT WE WANT WHEAT".(can you see the craziness I live with everyday--and he is OLDER THE ME!)He was the one having to pick up and look that waitress in the eye. I always say my hubby was born with NO SHAME.

We fed the beast and suddenly heard a NEW word as he poked my eye out saying "EYE EYE EYE". My sister and I decided we would head to the zoo today to enjoy the weather and tire out the kids. It was great--Rylan was mainly excited about the rocks and water at the zoo and Ava was excited mainly about the frozen lemonade her Auntie Aimee bought for her. (Rylan by the way also loved the frozen lemonade--we are training him as the perfect Rhode Islander)We stayed a bit and then headed home. Rylan fell asleep in the car so exhausted that he was in the middle of eating! There he was knocked out with a fishy hanging from his mouth (pics to come when I load them up when I get home!). You would think that our kid would be knocked out for hours and Kelly and I would be able to get a good ol' nap in ourselves.....NOTTA CHANCE..both kids DID NOT transition from car seat to house which left us sleepy, with no child break today, and eating Italian cookies! (I am considering wearing the sign that the camel had on "please don't feed the animals"...because those cookies--although yummy--I can feel them sticking to my hips and happy them moved in).

Hope you all are having a great weekend! And keep your fingers crossed we will have the DVD secured and Elmo playing on the way home...or we might be DOOMED!

Neighborhood BOOB Patrol

My innocent son likes to climb up on his step stool and look out the window. He is like a neighborhood watch dog without a growl. Today he experienced seeing something that made him a little less innocent...

Teenagers PDA to the 12538950 power

I was wondering why he was jumping up and down. I took a looks see and noticed....ahhh the teen boy was feeling the teen girls boobs. Rylan loves boobs so he understood where this fellow was coming from.

Please God let him forget this memory and for my dear sweet son NEVER be the teenage boy walking around our neighborhood with a tit in his hand!

What have you done for me lately?

I want to write freely--but all I got in this brain of mind is Janet Jackson tunes! So bare with me!

SWIM CLASS
Miss Amanda's mom officially hates me...and frankly I am ok with that. Sadly she looked fairly normal today with Old Navy flip flops replacing her white socks and black shoes--she also had a regular old hair clip instead of the banana clip. Fess up people who told her about this blog? :-)
Other then that swim class was great as usual. Rylan loves the water and seeing his little friend Tommy. Boys seem to be the very essence of parallel play verses the little girls that are all up in eachother biz at the early age of ("almost") 2! Next week is our last class for the Spring session, but I signed him up for the next session since it makes him so happy. I am hoping to find another fashion victim in the bunch...but somehow I don't think many can beat the tie-dyed snake skin bathing suit and banana clip! )Miss Amanda's Mom, as Ms. Jackson if your nasty once said "I'll miss you much, I'll really miss you much" and your lack of fashion sense at the young age of 34.

AKIN FANS
Can I just say Clay Akin fans are hard core. As you know I posted a pic of him last night saying how much he is looking like Kelly Ripa these days. Well on my tracker which shows from what city and state people are checking out my blog from and also from what link, it showed that people that googled his name found my posting. I got 50 hits just from Akin love! Who knew? Sort of freaky though since every other celebrity I have mentioned on this blog (like Jlo and Marc Anthony recently) had no such following. I am not sure if it was because I through Kelly Ripa in the mix, or if Akin fans are DIE HARD. I am thinking I might want to play nicer when it comes to dropping his name, or I will have fans picketing in front of my house in NO time. (CONTROL--I like to have alot---CONTROL--now I'm all grown up!) However, I would just like to say for the record in response to the comment left on the blog that I have seen Kelly Ripa in person and she is BEAUTIFUL. (hey fans I am sure CLAY is too! I just never had the pleasure of seeing him in person) By the way I DID infact forward that post to the Queen of all media--Perez thinking he might enjoy it too!

MY ENEMY IN CLOTHES
I did the old switharoo in clothing today (pulled out summer and stored Winter). It is a good thing since it is supposed to be a steaming 50 degrees next week according to my mother in law (I wished she called 2 hours ago before starting this project). You know what totally stinks...when you can't get last years shorts over your ass. Now I know we are all coming out of hibernating season and we all seem to lose weight over the summer...but MAN do I feel like the Bison at the zoo from last weekend today. I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE clothes..but seriously my dear friend clothes...(what have you done for me lately? ooooohhhh YEAH) same thing for the cookies and ice cream that pretend to call my name and show me so much love...when really they are so fake...they are only using me to settle on my arse.

TIMES AWAY and COMPUTERS
This weekend we are off to Rhode Island to go visit the fam. This got me thinking about blogging and being away. I can easily blog while at my sisters seeing as she has internet service, but what happens when we are on a weeks vacation and we DON'T?!
It pains me to think about not blogging for an ENTIRE week at a time! (can you say blog addict) or not read other blogs that are my daily routine! I mean won't you want to know when I am dripping in sweat from being in the sun all day in Aruba, or sleepy for being at the beach all day in Rhode Island at our house rental :-) Pete says I have to leave the computer behind for our gazillion vacations coming up--I say...I take it and try to find service!
I don't have a Janet song to relate to my computer concerns...so I will end this post naturally with a...(sing it with me)

NO MY NAME AIN'T BABY...IT'S AIMEE...DOS SANTOS IF YOU'RE NASTY

Toddler Tales

Do you know how to take a shower when you have a Toddler?

Tune him into TV!

Do you know how to get a toddler to wear a hat?


Dangle a big ol carrot and tell him you will take him outside ONLY if he wears it!

Clay Aiken a wanna be Rippa?

I am not sure if any of you watched American Idol last night---but Clay Aiken was on it talking about his gig on Broadway and I couldn't help put laugh when they showed him and his "lovely locks"...he totally is morphing into Kelly Ripa!

5 reasons I want to MOVE out of my neighborhood

1. A man around the corner was arrested for being a sicko (for child pornography)
2. A women down the street said she caught someone taking pictures of her kids out in the open--during the DAY--and would not reveal why or where the picture taker was from
3. TRASH (in this neighborhood you will find ALOT more then a random finger nail in your yard--people just toss things out windows like the ground is their trash bin)
4. Renters and two families (been there --done that--lets move on) We are getting new tenants this weekend upstairs and I am DREADING having to share this place!
5. A cop recently described this as a "high crime area"--mind you we live in Bethel CT--which means they probably get a ton of calls on neighbor disputes and think it is a BIG deal!

We are hoping we will be blessed soon with a change of address!

You can take your Spectrum and #$%^

Today Rylan had speech therapy. He usually has it on Monday's but we had to reschedule this week. A week ago, as you may recall, I was told he could be on the "spectrum"...today an entirely different story. He not only is making a TON more sounds, expressing himself more, and attempting to shape his mouth gearing up for a words....he is PAYING attention. The feedback I got today was: "wow he seems like the words are right there and he is going to say them anyday" and "he sat with me the entire time today and did everything I asked him to do! What a change" (mind you it has been a week) Thankfully I took what they said last week with a grain of salt and felt like I was making the right choices for my kid..because obviously this week --suddenly my child is making tremendous headway. Could it be all the grilled hotdogs he is eating? Maybe the abundance of dirt he was flying around yesterday? This post is to note this "monumental moment". And next time I freak out about the word "Spectrum" or worry about services I can go back and reread this and think....IT IS ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD. As I have stated before...I am happy for the services to come in and promote his speech...but otherwise they can take their "Spectrum" and shove it!

Dirty Dirt Monster

All my kid wants to do in this 80 degree weather today and toss dirt around all over his new haircut!
BOYS!
I should also mention this is his 2nd outfit for the day...and is curently wearing his 3rd!

The Kid in me made the Adult I am

10 Things I HATED (or thought I did) as a Kid but LOVE as an Adult:
1. Nap time (what I would give for a daily nap now)
2. Avocados (I thought guacamole was eating Slime from Nickelodeon)
3. Having someone else do my hair (especially the shampooing)
4. Plain old grilled chicken breast (as a kid if it didn't have cream of Mushroom soap or another "disguised" way--this girl ain't eaten it)
5. Coffee (I hated even the smell of it as a kid and as a teen only drank tea) Honestly as an adult I only LOVE it when it is from Starbucks or Dunken Doughnuts and it has to be made THERE--don't buy me a pound to make at home--it doesn't taste the same! (I am a weirdo I know)
6. Read a book or do something quiet
7. Sweet Potatoes or Yams (I put this in the "veggies" department as a kid --and any Veggies were a CLEAR NO NO)
8. Sunscreen
9. Kielbasa (My mom used to make this ALL the time and I went on a Kielbasa STRIKE for YEARS)
10. My sister (not that I "hated" her as a kid because I am sure I didn't--I just thought I did some days when we would bicker like siblings do...now I couldn't imagine life without her!)

5 Things I LOVED as a Kid and STILL LOVES as an Adult but really shouldn't:
1. chicken nuggets (an old roommate of mine caught me eating them one day as an adult for dinner and she asked "what shape are they in? dinosaurs? How about some Ketchup for dipping?")
2. doughnuts (they never showed up anywhere as a skinny mini kid--as an adult the moment it enters your butt grows)
3. CHEESE CHEESE AND MORE CHEESE (as a kid the only way to disguise the "good" stuff was piling the cheese on---as an adult if I could I would still use this tactic but sadly my ass can't afford too)
4. talking and gossiping (some things never change)
5. HALLOWEEN CANDY and massive elephant sized ice cream cones

1 Thing I Hated as a Kid and continue to HATE as an Adult:
1. Being told what to do (need I say more?)

Hating Toddler Tantrums

I can not freaken deal!
Somebody get me a wig because I am about to pull my HAIR OUT!
Has anyone OUT THERE ever have a toddler that doesn't react to time outs? Even worse--you put him in for hitting and he comes out hitting?
The kid is unfazed by my "discipline".
Honestly I am trying hard not to wack him back. Growing up our parents were told the best way to teach not to hit is to hit them..or not to bite..bite them...now a days they say hitting him back gives him mixed signals. I wonder if mixed is better then NONE. I can not take that I--the woman who carried him in her belly for 9 months and gave him life--is smacked across the face by my own spawn. I am sure this is more Pete's sperm then my egg doing the menace right?
Today in play group we had to LEAVE because I just couldn't deal with him. Every time the girls tried to give him love he gave them love back with the backside of his hand. I'm worried I might have to send him to anger management someday (kidding by the way).
Honestly--someone recently said to me "isn't this the absolute BEST stage" and I am lost for words. For as much as my child is loving and sweet...his horns trip me up and make me so discombobulated I am not sure what to do with him. It makes a perfectly great day suddenly into a very bad one.
Any suggestions is well welcomed!

In Honor of Earth Day I Will...

-Sing Michael Jackson songs like "Heal the World" (instead of "If you're happy and your know it")
-Write a note to Oscar the Grouch and tell him his lifestyle is unsanitary and not doing the environment any good (although I love him for amusing my kid while I do my hair with aerosol hairspray)
-Pick up trash in my yard (including random fake finger nails)
-Feed the animals in the backyard any left overs we have (ohhh wait my husband already does that EVERYDAY)
-Be on a GAS strike for the day (the prices are an outrage--and well my tank is already full)
-Not use electricity (unless I need to SEE)
-WALK to my friends house down the road for play group (instead of driving because the hills makes me winded)
-Drink ALL of the water bottle instead of leaving remnants everywhere (or at least feed left over to the flowers)
-Take time to water plants ( I often forget and they often die)
-Will not swear at the squirrels even if they are doing acrobatic behavior on my deck (nor will I cook them for dinner)
-Make the kid and myself get some well needed and well deserved FRESH air today (away from his corroded Diaper Champ that IS in fact the reason the ozone layer is breaking down)

It takes a VILLAGE to go GREEN people..I can only give so much :-)
What are you sacrificing today for the Earth?
(hopefully men all over the world are sacrificing their Speedo's ---not the sun, the ocean, or the earth wants to see that!)

The Scent of the Season

Does anyone else have an addiction to matching candles to the season? preferably Yankee candles?
My husband doesn't get why I am having a titty attack over the Christmas Cookie candle burning when it is 65 degrees out and the window open. I recently begged him for a new scent at Yankee candle for the summer called Sun and Sand...it smells JUST like Coppertone sunscreen and to me this equals SUMMER. My husband turned me down and said we had PLENTY of other candles in the house. I challenged him for finding one that is a Spring/Summer scent. Recently he asked me "do you like pumpkin pie?"..I said "I LOVE pumpkin pie?"..he then asked "Would you eat it in the summer?" ..."hells ya" I said "I would eat it year round"...BIG mistake on my part...as I wasn't smart enough for his lawyer talk..."well then you can burn the Pumpkin Pie Candle ALL year too". You would think I would learn from this when he asked the next day "Do you like carrot cake?" (and so on and so forth)..and uh my brain cells were on a vacation and I fell for the SAME thing. Besides having certain music match certain moments in my life...certain scents define certain seasons "have arrived" in my crazy little head!
I am secretly hoping for a Sun and Sand candle for Mothers day. Anyone else have any Mother's day hopes and dreams?

TWO GREAT THINGS

1. Christina (C3 Family) became a SAHM today and is moving to CT THIS FRIDAY--can life get any better?
2. My friend Sarah from college (the Schroeder Blog) gave birth to her 2nd baby girl! --and NATURALLY can I get a what what? for my friend and her natural abilities to push a baby the size of a watermelon out of her vajay jay WITHOUT drugs--Kudos my friend Kudos

Oh The Treasures We Find In Dirt

Last night we found out that apparently Rylan is very relaxed in the bath tub...as he once again "dropped the kids off in the pool". This time it was when the water was high and beneath bubbles--we aren't sure how long our son was "bathing" in poop particles--all I know if my husband was seen gagging as he was scooping the out. We "rewashed" him and he was soon fresh as a summers morning (no we didn't bathe him in douche---Why is it by the way --that they make douche commercials make it seem like using it will make you feel like your are on vacation in the Bahamas?). Rylan doesn't seem to care either way--being washed neck deep in particles from the bum or soapy Johnson and Johnson bath wash...he is still happy he is in water!

Today the occupational therapist came in and we decided to head the party outside. She asked about the weekend and I decided to leave out the part about my undeniable hotness at the Mall. However I did include that Rylan is now climbing up and going down the slide on his own (he is a BIG sissy when it comes to doing most climbing things, and wants to do them only holding my hand). While she was here he also said "Ba" for ball (or it could have been for b*tch since the OT kept stealing his crap from him), and when he wanted to something he figured out to point to himself for "Mine" or for "Me". I was proud of him, until he started having a hitting rampage. I half understood why he was giving the women a great can of whoop ass, but I couldn't very well support it either.

We followed him around while he dug through the dirt and found a variety of interesting things on our property. One being a woman's finger nail. I kid you not. I thought about how it probably looked like an episode of CSI to the OT and casually said, "oh it must have been from one of the like preteens (aka wanna be mini prostitutes) in the neighborhood. I can't help but wonder who would peel off their fake nail and leave it our yard. I thought of everyone I know who has fake nails that are french manicured and it pretty much adds up to nobody. I am contemplating a sign that reads "All shirts, pants, and fake nails must be kept on at all times". I certainly hope it wasn't one of our guests...as I am sure for now on I will be checking peoples hands as they enter the backyard. TOTALLY freaken nasty right? I bet the OT became worried he might dig up a hand next---then I could tell her it "was his last OT that messed with the family"--then we will see what she has to say about my kid.
She would go away thinking we are murderers who let their kid bathe in his own feces! Now doesn't that sound like a Lifetime movie or what?

Sweat Pants Wearing-Big Butt Hotness: Warning inappropriate behavior

Most days I feel like I big round pig that could give The Biggest Looser contestants a run for their money on the scale. I admire little size clothing that used to fit my flat stomach, none touching thighs, and tiny butt so well. Now I battle with the "WHAT TO WEAR" every freaken day of my life and a little prayer that someone from my past won't run into me and say "OH AIMEE...is that you in there...stuck in a sumo wrestling costume". Naturally I didn't expect that my fat butt in some sweats would stir such inappropriate behavior today!

I was minding my own bee's when standing in line for a token to bring Rylan on the carousel at the Mall today. (Pete is playing soccer so he was not with us) and some friendly man behind me starts chit chatting about kids. His little boy....cute as a button pulled on my leg and pointed to my drink. I ask him if he is thirsty and Mr Friendly says "Nah I just got him the worlds most expensive orange juice at Starbucks". Somewhere in the midst of this layed back conversation while standing in line I thought..."is he coming on to me"...I only let this pass my mind for a moment as it sounded like insanity...I mean maybe he is the type that like apple blossom bottoms but a women in sweat pants...no way! PLUS I mean I was HOLDING Rylan in my arms AND I have my big honking diamond on (Pete certainly didn't skimp out on that...it was a wise choice as you can see I am married from about 15 miles away...it;s just the facts people...we may not have a house but damn I got a freaken diamond--for some reason I want to sing "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got--I'm Just Jenny from the block" right now). So I thought he is just making small talk this Mr Friendly and his kids...because clearly he knows I AM MARRIED...I mean this kind of sweat pants--big butt hotness doesn't stay single for long ya know?

So finally we get on the carousel and Mr Friendly sits close by and tells me how he went out with the "boys" last night and is fighting a hang over while spinning on the carousel. I try not to encourage the talky talk as it is making me incredibly weirded out as we are spinning on a merry go round with our kids! I get off and he FOLLOWS me and says...and I kid you not.."you look familiar...do I know you from somewhere?...do you have a dog?"...ummm no I say. He then goes on to tell me how he works for some doggy walking service. I think to myself --ok he IS infact coming on to me--flash diamond, push child faster in the stroller, and if need be tell him you will be more then happy to let him walk your dog someday possibly but it is the ONLY doggy position you are going to allow---HELLO MARRIED WITH CHILD...totally inappropriate. He didn't think so. He went on and on and I finally said..."ok we gotta run have a great day".

ok confession...Mr Friendly was high. Listen I know high when I see high from working at a drug rehab for years on end. Hey maybe THAT is where he knows me from :-) So the truth is he has "beer goggles" which I really conclude as "marijuana goggles"...and probably thought I was ACTUALLY hot. The good news is I am a master at fending off druggies, but still got to walk away thinking "Don't ch ya wish your girlfriend was HOT like me".....I had a little more swagger in my sweatpants wearing steps. I went to go use my free panty coupon at Victoris Secret's and got a cotton panty sized ELEPHANT--Mom bloomers cut (you know up to you belly button to hold the muffin top in), and the feeling escaped me. I really fell back to reality when I looked at the cute numbers they had in there for size XS and thought...those were the days my friend.

I would like to conclude this post with noting...high or not..."My Milkshake" does indeed sometimes bring the boys to the yard! But this yard is only open for my husband to play!

ZOOTOPIA

Today we went to the ZOO (eventhough a ZOO could normally describe our own natural habitat at times). It was a beautiful day and we were up and at em' early! We thought we were going RIGHT to the ZOO ...but we were WRONG!

Lately we have been thankful for Pete's navigational system since we no longer need mapquest directions that normally suck (turn left on east-ja-pee pee road, and right on in the middle of F'en nowhere St---don't they always take you in the backest of back roads or is it me?). Pete's navigational system has a few lovely women's voices you can choose--lately it is "Karen". I call her the "other women"--as he spends alot of time with Karen and he obeys her so well--when she says "turn left" --homeboy is turning LEFT! So Pete is all cocky about how great "Karen" is..and how she is "never wrong". He puts in the Zoo's name and "Karen" calculates it. WAHLA--we got directions to Beardsley Zoo. As we went through a million back roads suddenly we were in Fairfield. This is where my BFF is about to move in a matter of days....so I was stoked to check it out, and was thinking..."is the Zoo in her backyard?"...Apparently "Karen" thought so...as she said in a British voice "Now Arriving at Beardsley Zoo".... Sorry Beauch...YOU ARE WRONG--we are sitting at the end of a dead end street staring at an elementary school. As we try to figure out what MESS "Karen" brought us too...a fella came out of his house and yelled "I bet you yahoo mapped the Beardsley ZOO right?"...I wanted to tell him "no it is just my husbands other women ...she really sucks at directions"...but since he doesn't know me and my odd humor...I just said yes and listend as he told us this ALWAYS happens. So we asked "karen" where the gift shop was and she re-calculated..and we FINALLY got to the stinken Zoo.

I have some great pictures to share with you all--but first I just wanted to say..You know what makes a girl feel skinney and her butt feel small:

A BISON. A Bison is GREAT for your self confidence and if I could fit one is my home as a pet I would (also if they didn't poop the size of my head...because clearly having a toddler I have cleaned enough POOP in my lifetime)

Rylan looked like such a big boy today! This is him waiting for us to get him in the car and leave. His sign for "let's blow this joint" is blowing kisses (which I am thankful for since it isn't abrutly rude like flipping someone the bird)



When we first got there he sort of walked around stunned and wanted to look at the people and the near by highway more then the animals. It began to change when he went in the like Prarie Dog window with his Dad, and watched the otters swimming and began to giggle.





He also enjoyed feeding the GOATS! (my kid is FEARLESS with the other kids (I know tacky joke I couldn't help it)--but it is true--he just stuck his finger in their mouths with NO WORRIES)



When he sat on bench like a big boy to eat his lunch I almost wept. Since we were in public I thought I would keep it to myself instead of sobbing saying the line "look my little boy is growing up"

Here are my two men as Peacocks:


We found the most exotic thing at the Zoo that made Rylan's DAY:

Yes...a big bad --almost extinct TRACTOR. Glad we paid money for this exibit!

He also enjoyed poking his dads eye out:

And feeling really TINY next to a MASSIVE Cow that Mommy made an attempt to get him to try and milk for a picture for the blog:


We had a great day and we were thankful we came early and left early, as the place was PACKED when were leaving. We did get a door prize--some free wildflower seeds in honor of Earth Day 2008!
Here are a few more pictures of Rylan enjoying the zoo: