Hack Hack...Happy 2010!

I mean is there ever a New Years Eve when someone isn't sick either in your immediate household or in close family/friend range? Every freaken year.

I remember when it was turning the year 2000 and I was living in NYC I went out even though I had the flu. Psychooooooooooooo. I even went to Times Square during the day to check things out with a 103 temp, the shakes, and the double wammies (the pukes and the runs). Now that is dedication to New Years. Frankly, any other New Years has never been any better. New Years is so not my thing. They all suck. Even a few years ago when Pete and I thought it would be fun to spend it in Disney and we had to get into the park by 9 am before they closed the park down for being to full. 9 am until midnight is a LONG day at Disney--one I was a big ol baby about and not willing to rehash it again.

I like the idea of a New Year though. A new start. A place where there is a beginning and an end. A resolution you have struggled with and want to actively work on. These are all positive things. Being out on a drunk fest evening, being sick, or standing in Disney lines all day and all night---so are not.

Tonight we were hoping to have a low key evening with friends that have kids the exact ages as ours. We were hoping to have some adult beverage time, eat some good food, chat it up, and let the kids entertain each other. My fridge was already filled with appetizers and desserts, and a good bottle of wine was waiting for tonight. And then...someone got sick.

Addison's first New Years Eve with be marked with the Croup. The poor kid was up last night with a bark, and has laryngitis. She can't even cry which pisses her off even more. Poor thing is just a hot mess. A hot New Years mess.

So we are home. Stuck with appetizers, desserts, and wine. Hmmm.... what shall Pete and I do? We can't just toss fatty foods and good alcohol out the window you know?

Rylan is also quite sick. Both of the kids can thank Mom for this. I was a wreck over Christmas but pulled it together since it was the holidays. I am still a bit oozy and full of yuck, but better. It is just a matter of days before Pete is walking around with a box of tissues like I have been for days.

The good news is so far Rylan has listened to Santa's requests and is on day two of potty training. He had 1 accident yesterday, and one today. I think we may just be on (knock on wood) a good ol' pottying streak. Hopefully I will be able to ween him off the prize box so that he won't be 20 years old expecting a big ol prize for a man size piddle.

Anyway... happy trails to all. May your New Years not be filled with sick people. Check you later 2009 --you have been good to me with my healthy 09' baby! Let's welcome 2010!!!

I'm Not The Sacrificial Lamb To Mothering

Apparently being a stay at home Mom is killing me slowly. Making me waste away. It clearly brings no joy, and uses no brain skill. The person I once was has suddenly vanished and now I am "JUST" a mom. Why did I even bother getting a degree never mind two? How can I let kids make my world go round when I used to be so independent? What the heck am I doing with my life?

Loving my kids. This is what I am doing. This is what I love to do. This is who I am.

I love my friends and my family but man am I ever going to not have to answer to them on why I decided to stay home. Why must is always be such a negative thing? Why must I defend caring for my kids? And why, may I add, does this mean I am sacrificing myself?

Recently while chatting it up with long time and well loved friends of mine I ran into this very problem. I stood there a bit shocked on what was being said to me. I was also saddened and thought man they really don't know me right now do they? This happens. Even the people you consider your best of best friends that have survived a gaggle of moves, heart breaks, degrees, careers, marriages, and so on and so forth, can suddenly just not get you.

One of them has yet to have a child and I can understand her perspective. I was once in her shoes. I had a very close friend that I tossed daggers and judgement at for being an at home Mom after getting a college degree. I worried for her--how could she just throw her life away just for a baby? The thing is, until your a Mom you have no idea. None. Looking back I feel horrible about passing this judgement and have apologized for it profusely since becoming a Mom. Now that my friend that "threw her life away" now has a very sweet 8 yr old boy, and a upper management full time job, and regrets none of the time she spent at home with him. So I get my friends that are all "career career career" and are baby free. I have been there--judging and thinking I knew best. I didn't. They don't.

However, the friends that now have older kids and forget how it was when their kids were little baffles me a little. It wasn't so long ago some of my friends were in fact doing the same things I am. They loved it at the time, and were doing it for the same reasons I am--they wanted to raise their kids. They wanted to be there for those younger years you can never ever get back.

My heart stopped when I was told that I was over compensating for something else. That I was trying to hard to be super Mom. I was also told I could possibly end up miserable and so far from who I "really am" if I continue staying home, because apparently I am lost.

Listen. I am not trying to be super Mom or trying to hide behind my kids because I don't like my body size, feel beaten down, or stuck in an unhappy marriage. I love who I am now. I love my family. I am happily married. I feel nothing but positive about my life at home with my kids. And frankly I don't want to go back to work. PERIOD.

So when I tell you I am sad that I have to return to work next year (most likely), because we can not afford to keep me out of work forever (thanks to those pesky college degrees and their gazillion dollar loans), don't tell me "That is great it will be good for you". I am not 15, I know what is good for me. What you think is good might not exactly match my good! I have to go back to work because of my over compensation in degrees NOT my kids. I was over compensating back then because I longgggeeeeddddd to be in the shoes I stand in at this very moment. Thanks to the person you knew before I had kids, the one that tallied up hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of degrees, I have to go back to work because of it. When I would just be happy watching my kids grow, and taking a walk in the fresh air when I'd like.

Work isn't for everyone. If I hear another mother f'r tell me "but you have the best job to be a working Mom" I swear I am going to scream. You know why? because I love teaching. LOVE IT. However for me, I love being Mom more. I fiercely believe that you have to be completely there for both positions. It does not pay the soul at night to sleep peacefully if you are a half assed Mom and a half assed teacher. I am sure when I do go back I will figure out how to be great at both, but right now it is to overwhelming for me, and quite frankly...sad. I just don't want to go back to work and do the bare minimum to pay the bills. I want to give a superb education to the kids in my class, and make the parents confident that their child is getting nothing but the best with having me as a teacher. I also don't want to just pick up my kids at 5:30 pm from a daycare, feed them, bathe them, and put them to bed with "I will talk to you on Saturday when we have the time". If and when I have to do it...I will do it. But please do not tell me it is good for me because if I stay where I am I will be lost when they are 18. If I was able to I would and I would be filled with gratitude, love, and honor that I got that experience.

As for my brain. I am still smart. I can still discuss any hot topic with you. I can debate like the best of them (just ask my husband). My two degrees weren't taken back because I decided to take a hiatus and raise a family. My resume isn't any smaller. I still go out and socialize. I interact with adults. I don't even talk baby talk to them--not even one bit. SO yes. I am the person I was before kids. I will be when they are in college, when I am in the old folks home, even when I die. The core of me is still the same.

The lesson to be learned is: judgement is not fair. It is fine and dandy if you think such things and keep them to your self, but to voice them is hurtful.

I am a Mom. A good Mom. Not a Super one. A good one. Pleased with the place I am. Happy, blessed, filled to the brim with love. Until you spend a day here in this very spot, don't tell me who I am or what I am supposed to do. Worry about you and your place.

A Merry Rhody Christmas

We had a busy and wonderful few days in Rhode Island. Celebrating my Dad's birthday, Christmas, and seeing family and friends! We also enjoyed trying out our new camera with a few of these great photos!

Looking like an angel
Ava is a beauty
Rylan's impression of the dog
Addison gets up close and personal with the dog
Nothing says yum like my foot and a cookie
Baby feet
messy face
Addison and her grandparents and grampy's birthday bash
The grandparents and the grand kids
profile of excitement
Out for breakfast with my old friends
visiting great grandma

Addison's First Christmas

Christmas Eve


Santa came:
Yippee Rocketship underwear that Santa said I would get--now it's time to p-o-tttt---ayyy
Santa--I love my doll so much I could eat her
Wow Santa found something with my NAME on it!
Poor kids got nothing for Christmas
Siblings
Addie's First Christmas
Rylan is getting so big
I am as long as my stocking
The Dos Santos clan

Family at dinnerGreat Grandma and Addie

Slid Off Cyber Space

This is totally not the norm. Me not blogging for DAYS! Yowza. No need to worry that the pink thongs threw me off course, or that I am lost In Rhode Island trying to decide if I want to stay and tease my hair again, or return to CT and wear a holly berry sweater to "fit in". (for the record I choose to do neither of those things. I much rather be uncool)

I was living my crazy Christmas life. And it went a little something like this:

Christmas Eve at the in laws. Christmas day here at my house. The day after Christmas for my Dads birthday in Rhode Island, and a few extra days there to see the family. I returned today. And frankly I am a hot mess over here.

Boxes upon boxes. Toys waiting to find a home in our home. Christmas decor waiting to be taken down and put away. CLOTHES--TONS of clothes (especially for the kiddos). Lots of random tags that were ripped off and left on various parts of the house. Candy. Dirty Christmas placemats in desperate need of a washing. Toys parts scattered as Mom and Dad scratch their heads in trying to put them together in record time. Wine. (I ended with the most important one right?)

Seriously. I am digging myself out of the Christmas hole called my home. It is seriously a mess. A big huge overwhelming mess.

Just when I am ready to put away all of the holidays... it ain't over til it is 2010!

No worries. I didn't slide off cyber space. I just got caught up in the madness that I am still knee deep in. I will return sooner then later.

Have Yourself A Very Sexy Christmas

Did I love my Flip video cam--OH YEAH! And my Gucci sunglasses-Hella-yes! I even adored the Dooney Burke carry-on bag, and the cashmere sweater I received! Totally excited about the Wii fit and the biggest loser game with it! I almost pumped my fist in the air when Pete opened the Canon Rebel camera! Is this not the best Christmas EVER?... Then something happened, just like that. Pete and I were sitting on the sofa opening up stocking stuffers from the in laws. Oh cute a candle, oh my more chocolate just what my ass needs, lotion for my scaly Winter skin, and.... up....there is it my friends, quite frankly the most interesting gift my mother in law has ever blessed me with... pink lacy thongs. Pete's grandma nearly died laughing while asking how I was going to keep my butt warm. I asked my mother in law did she REALLY want another grandkid? Because this clearly shouts it from the roof tops! Pete sort of fell silent since here we are talking about sexy underwear for his wife from his mother. Poor guy.

I couldn't help but remind my mother in law how this topped a few years back when she bought me this bath fizz called "the sex bomb". Poor lady is never going to live this down. And although I love the gesture, I had to break it to her that this ass of mine will not be wearing pink lacy thong undies! (unless of course it is a size 4 again--which is a long long time away--if ever).

All I want for Christmas is my ...

There has been alot of this going on in this house:

And it ended with this:

Two Front Teeth For Christmas!

We Are Ready To Rock Jesus' Birthday

A 3yr Old Talks Jesus' Birthday

Rylan: Is is Jesus' Birthday yet?

Me: Soon. It is when we open our gifts from Santa.

Rylan: We will sing Happy Birthday to him?

Me: Sure if you want too.

Rylan: I want to. Will he come so I can see him.

Me: (think Aimee think) Jesus is like a super hero he is invisible, but he can hear you, you can talk to him. He is in heaven (oh great Aimee why did you say that --now you have to explain heaven)

Rylan: (not missing a beat) Where's heaven

Me: Heaven is up in the sky

Rylan: (cuts me off) in space like where the rocketships go

Me: ummm yeah.

Facebook: A love hate relationship

Have you ever been ignored on Facebook? Lord this is going down on "how to piss Aimee off" number 12490.

Remember a while back I posted about an old boss of mine, and a dear friend at the time, that just up and left. Vanished. I was even worried something might have happened to her, and I got to the point where I just wanted to know she was alive?... yeah I still haven't heard from her. I obviously pissed her off something fierce, or that my presence isn't needed in how she is living her life now.

I don't get how this is done. Like a light switch--on and then off. I sort of admire people that are strong enough to pursue life like that. When discussing this situation with my sister once she kept asking "why do you care obviously she doesn't?". My sister is a strong lady that can totally pull the on and off light switch action. Thankfully she is my sister and you can't turn off family even when you want to. I always admired this about her, since she cleansed her life of people that were unneeded never to be bothered again.

Me. I bother.

I bother way too much. Way tooooooooooooooooo much bothering.

So naturally when I joined Facebook I tried to "friend" this non-friend, and as expected she did not accept. Cool. I mean what did I expect? However, the chick that I shoved dirty socks in her face at a childhood sleepover, and an old friend that I cruelly called "whale" as a kid, not only accepted me on Facebook but one of them FOUND ME! This perplexes me. I had the ability to be a cruel kid at times and luckily these people forgave me. I do absolutely nothing but care, support, and have fun with this chick as an adult and --off , I am turned off. (however thanks to the new revamp of the privacy settings I got to read her page recently and now feel like--ok I know what she is--where she is--lets kabosh this need for her to have closure with me--that I am obviously never going to get!).

Closure. A word my life revolves around. As a former therapist, as a person in therapy, and an avid reader of spiritual/self help/change yourself books, this word comes up way to often. Do any of us ever really get closure?

Facebook is so unnatural. Reconnecting with everyone you ever had a word with, a friendship with (even if you were five yrs old at the time --I mean do you say--what have you been up to since we played barbies 25 years ago?), or had a relationship with (I mean every guy I even had a single date is on there---how scary!). I mean aren't these people your past for a reason, and now suddenly you are reconnected with them with every live updated feed. It is odd. Yet so freaking satisfying. I will never have to go to a high school, or college reunion to wonder what so and so is doing or looks like. All the kids I used to babysit are all now full grown adults talking about partying hard, and in skanky club shirts. It is just so odd. Even when you have told yourself time and time again how unnatural and odd this website is, and that is doesn't really matter in your everyday life--Bam ... someone rejects you. Rejections are still a bitch no matter where they come from.

I don't need closure. Or an extra number on my Facebook page to stay "reconnected" to people unworthy of being connected to me. So my dear old boss--I take my "friending" you back and I am now switching you to "off". How you like me now?

2010 is the year of detox. Not detox in the manner where I met this girl seeing as we were working at drug rehab (I should have known then), but of cleaning out my life. I am all for reconnecting but reconnecting to the right people. People that want to be there. People that will make me grow in a positive way. People that care.

I might just even clean out my Facebook list, and I might even turn some "friend" requests down! Note to self--just make sure privacy settings are in the right mode for it to be "effective".

Miracles

• Rylan ATE his entire dinner last night and it wasn't even his beloved three staples (chicken nuggets, hot dogs, or McDonald's cheeseburger). He ate baked ziti. Homemade bake ziti at that. Nothing processed, or mystery meat in it. In fact my boy ATE real ground beef! It is a miracle! Seriously, I nearly wept. If you have a severely picky eater like I do, I am sure you know how I feel.
• Addison went to bed last night at 5:45 pm and woke up at 5 am!!!
• Suddenly after complaining about my monster of preschooler and his horrid behavior lately, he is an angel. Suddenly he is listening, doing what we say, and going to bed without screaming/ hollering for someone to lay down with him.
• My Christmas shopping--including stocking stuffers--is DONE. And there is still three days before Christmas!!!
• There are still cookies left in my house. This is truly a miracle since I have not stopped eating Christmas cookies for a week now. Thankfully they are tasting a bit stale and less appetizing.

Yeah. I Now Have A Gym Membership...

I did something today that I going to seem a little cliche since we are on the brink of a new year... I joined a gym. The Y to be exact.

It all started when I decided to sign up Addison for her first swim class. The non-member price was outrageous!!! So I began to investigate our options. Our options led us to a family membership that included a cheaper swim class (and classes over all), FREE babysitting, FREE Zumba (and other classes), an outside pool in the summer, and a place Pete and I can go together. and/or with the kids.

Sure it is twenty minutes-half an hour away, but it is worth it.

So worth it, that I took every little bit of money I have saved to my name from birthdays, and Christmas' towards the "gym" fund. Believe me this is huge--since I had dreamed up this money being used for clothes, and new things that I can never just "buy". Buying my health is a much better fit. (Did I mention FREE babysitting?)

Tonight's plan is to try out a Zumba class there. I hope I love it as much as I love the one I am doing through parks and rec! Having the option to do Zumba almost daily makes me so excited!!! Started a new class, with new people, in a new place.....anxiety!!! But what the hell it is a new year--and when in Aruba I learned to take risks so ... off I go.

And by the way...my resolution for the new year isn't to get fit. I think when you make it a resolution it makes it an easy way to quit. Then you can go around saying "oh I gave it up because it was my resolution, and doesn't everyone quit their resolutions?". Not this girl. Fitness will not be my resolution--it will be part of my life. for good. no backsies. As for my actual resolution, it is going to be something obtainable that I have to think about and work at. Maybe more of going out of my comfort zone, or shedding toxic people out of my life! We shall see. Only time (or a week) will tell.

Cheers to new beginnings.

Let it Snow Let It Snow Let It Snow-09'

We were blessed with only about 6 inches of snow here in this area of CT. I could not resist dressing Addison up and taking her out in the white stuff!!! It was her first time in the snow, and she didn't mind it so much until she decided she wanted to belly to be filled! Rylan is obsessed with the snow and wants to live outside today! The bonus to living in New England is that this white stuff keeps kids busy and it is FREE!

Wanna Be Guido

See..she would SO fit in Rhode Island wouldn't she?

Gingerbread Party At School

Singing Jingle Bells
Wiping frosting on Moms jeans while saying cheese
Trying hard not to EAT the creation

The house

Baking Is DONE. Blizzard Is Coming.

The Blizzard in the last days of 2009 has yet to hit us even though the prediction is it will be large and in charge. So like a good New Englander, we, like everyone else in this town, have been preparing all day, and yet we haven't seen a speck of snow. Yet.

Target was filled with a gazillion last minute Christmas shoppers. We went to locate a well needed Rudolph video since Rylan has been obsessed (which was impossible to find--after three stores we found it in our local grocery store--go figure). Not that he deserves this gift lately since his behavior has just been horrendous lately, but today he behaved and told him he would be rewarded. Bribery seems to work well with a three year old, as he was an angel today, even in the grocery store where there was so many people you had to hunt down people in the parking lot for a cart.

We filled our cart with the eggs, bread, and milk in case we get stuck in from the storm for a few days. (I'm just saying'--you can never be to prepared). I also needed to get all the ingredients to make a corn chowder, because what is better on a snowy weekend that hot homemade soup, and a cup of hot cocoa?.... a fire?

So we tried that too. Even without a speck of snow on the ground yet. Now the house is filled to the brim with smoke because someone "might have" made a minor accident and not have opened the vent. Thankfully this was figured out sooner then later because I was about to call the fire department.

Today I am the one singing fa la la la. What can I say I am a hormonal chick! Plus I got sleep last night, and today I am feeling well appreciated so that helps too. I am almost completely wrapped for the Christmas season. I feel less stressed since it is almost over, and all my baking is done. done. done.

The holiday season is a mixed bag of emotion. The ups of the excitement, the jolly, the merry, the big man in the suit, celebrating Christ/ or what ever faith and holiday one is celebrating, the carols, the trees, the lights outside, the cookies, family & friends, decorating, and so on and so forth. The downs is... the STRESS. The to do list is longer then the regular to do list and that list is already impossible to get done! Also sometimes the weather, as we were supposed to kick off Christmas today with our beloved Boehk family, and had to cancel because of looming blizzard which could have ultimately made us sleep over their house for the next some odd days.

Alot has changed since last Christmas. The round belly that was emerging is now sitting in a bouncy seat while I write this. We now have two kids to celebrate this time of year with. It is just awesome. As another new year is also looming above us like the massive snow waiting to break, it makes one think at this time next year what will be different? Will we make resolutions and keep them? We shall see in another year.

If you don't hear from me in a few days it is because we are buried over here in feet of powdery white stuff (thankfully NOT flour since have I mentioned my baking is DONE) and reciting Rudolph because we watched 12,899 times.

Release Me

Everyone has their breaking point. My was tonight. 9:30pm sitting on my front steps in the freezing cold just to hear silence and be alone with my thoughts.

Sometimes, even with a beautiful family, I feel misunderstood, unappreciated, and sad. It could be a number of things, overwhelmed by this holiday season with the never ending "to do" list, being up practically all night last night with either both or one of my two children, or that I just spent from 5 a.m. until 9pm taking care of the two kids with one being particularly difficult to handle these days.

Did I mention besides these two kids I also cooked dinner, emptied laundry baskets, did dishes, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, organized the dining room, cleaned the kitchen, picked up toys, bathed my kids and myself, prepped the teacher gifts, got the packages left outside from UPS, and so many other tedious things that sometimes totally suck as a stay at home Mom? A day like today when there wasn't a moment I could sit in silence with my own thoughts just makes me want to run. A day I just want to feel appreciated for.

I want to drive endlessly to nowhere just to be alone. Which might I add, I almost did tonight until I settled on the front freezing stairs.

While people are humming their favorite carol, wrapping gifts, and counting the days down until next week,... I sit in the bitter cold wondering why I am not one of them.

Feeling swallowed whole today, I am glad to see there is an end, and hoping, praying, I will be singing a happy fa la la la tomorrow, instead of spending a night in the cold.

Holiday Season In Lights

Last night we tucked the kids in the car in search of our yearly drive out to see some very well decorated homes. This particular one is always a family favorite. The lights are in tune with a radio station filled with joyous Christmas tunes. The young teen boy that actually lives in the house came out and gave out candy canes, and Rylan thought he had won the lottery. He kept asking me to "take picture with this Santa" (and that reindeer, and that bear, and that gingerbread man, and so on and so forth). We topped his Christmas spirit night with a visit to Santa at the local mall.

The Food Swiper

Addison is ALL about food. Her food, my food, your food. If you are eating something that looks scrumptious to her-WATCH OUT, she will try her hardest to swipe it. The oddest part about her preference in baby food is: give her a jar of fruit and she will barely get it down (sometimes refusing to and screams at me!), give her a jar of veggies (especially peas) and she will smile and coo like you just gave her a Godiva chocolate and an Emmy.
Night one of boot camp was a success. Although I did do the paci find because I just can't take the chance quite yet that she will wake up fully about 50 times in the night, I did let her "work it out" at 4 am. I went in to give her the paci, shh'd her, and left the room. She sang, talked, and sang some more, and then suddenly... silence until 6 am. Step one of bootcamp in now in full effect--baby girl you will NOT be getting up at 4 am to start your day (unless you are sick of course).

Which leads me to today. That darn bundle of shots, and in particular I think the H1N1 (since she had the other before and never got reactions). She has been so sad today with a high fever, and feeling ill. Nothing is making her happy, and she (and I) can not wait till this day is behind us.

Santa Hook Up

It is nice to have a hook up with Santa at our local Mall. Rylan is taking full advantage, as he nearly leapt into his lap to have a chat. He discussed his need for more planes, helicopters, rocket ships, and my favorite.... underwear to go on the potty. (Rylan has plenty of underwear but when Santa said he will bring it, Rylan's eyes sparkled and this might just be what we need to get homeboy on that potty).

Boot Camp For A Six Month Old

Even though I once had a six month old before this six month old, I forget. I forget what six months old means. To mean it seems still very little, but through a doctors eye it is time to put your big girl panties on baby because some things are going to change around here.

I explained to her doctor at her six month visit today that she is not sleeping through the night, she tends to get up at 4 am for the day, and we have to continue to run into her room to "plug" her during the night because she starts to wake up and needs to be soothed. Apparently I am babying my baby too much because the doc gave me "oh no...she is old enough to learn". Suddenly we are setting up for six month old boot camp. First on the agenda the doc says under no circumstances do I get the baby out of the crib at 4 am, as she needs to learn it is to early to start the day. Once that is accomplished we are not eliminate the 2 am feed. As she says she absolutely does not need that bottle for nutritious reasons and that she is waking to eat for mere habit. A habit that is about to end because we are instructed to leave her and see if she will soothe herself back to sleep. She also stressed that Addison is old enough to find her out pacifier if she really wants it, and if she can't she must find a way to soothe herself to go back to sleep, not by her Mom coming in and doing it for her. Lord this is going to be an interesting month ahead.

She weighs 15 lbs 14oz, and 26 inches long. Her head is in the 90th percentile because she has lots of brains AND beauty. She showed off her bottom teeth and the doc informed me her gums show more are on the way. I asked her if that would cause her reflux to be worse (she has been a hot mess the past few days with puke and pain), and she asked a question I wasn't expecting: Did you give her Motrin or Tylenol?. When I told her Motrin she shook her head with an ahh yes. Apparently Motrin is hard on baby tummy's and should only be used as a back up to Tylenol. She said it makes babies puke, irritable, and is just a hard drug to digest. This shocked me since I have been using it since back in my Rylan days. I always thought it lasted longer and helped with the pain more. So we are back to Tylenol.

The ending of these visits always stink with a little one. When the doctor uses you little baby as a pin cushion. I was surprised how much Addison was aware. She heard the paper crinkle, braced herself, and screamed. She knew how the ending went, and all I could hope was that it went quick. It did but her crying lingered. She wanted to make sure she told me off, and how she felt about those darn shots. Since it was her six month visit, she even got herself the H1N1!

In other good news, we were told this week that her neck is doing wonderfully. She might be changing to every other week if things go well. She is making great progress.

I'm Sorry-Are We Back In High School? Or Is This Tango Class?

As women I find it interesting how we never exit "high school" when it comes to friendship. We our bound by hurt feelings, drama, popularity contests, and expectations that all fall in the same place as they once had, over and over and over again. It is exhausting.

It baffles me how with every new stage in life our friendships shift. As I have gotten older, I have been able to tell what "type" of friend people are to me. In order for me to function like I am 33 years old in friendship and not 16, I must categorize, or my friends the shit may very well hit the fan.

Most of my younger days included wanted to be liked by all. I made friends, latched onto them as if they were my last dying wish, and HAD to make sure they thought I was indeed their bestest friend in the world. It didn't matter how many of these "friends" I had in my life, in never felt enough. I was still lonely, insecure, and immature. It was easier for me to hide from myself by walking behind another. I also had the awful, horrible habit of not letting go. Many of those people didn't deserve to actually have me as a friend for even a day. Yet all of my energy was sucked away from me when trying to hold something up that was just not there.

Now as an adult, a Mom, and someone who thinks she pretty much knows who she is, things are so much different, yet so the same.

I try to clean house often. I check the people out of my life that I feel don't understand me, have to much ugly inside them, or have wronged me in away that can not be "taken back". I am also great at deciding who is worthy of continuing a new friendship, and who is just better off hanging out on the acquaintance list, because my 33 yr old self knows now that not everyone was meant to be your best friend. Sometimes, rare times, you have to accept people for the ugly insides because they have been in your life for so long that living without them might seem impossible. However for new found friends, I do not have the space or the time for acceptance of this and it has taken me along time to learn this.

My friends that have lasted years since high school, college, or my young twenties speak for themselves. They are what I call my "true friends". Sure there is still drama every now and then, but expectations are clear, and the foundation built long ago and over time.

New friends are a different story. This post comes on the heels of a conversation I had with one of those "old" friends when she told me a story about her "new" Mom friends and being let down. It got me thinking about times I have been let down by newbies in my life, and the energy it takes to keep something afloat that has no foundation. We discussed how our expectations for new friends, or better yet in some cases acquaintances, can not be the same as we would have with someone we had a history with. In fact, it got me thinking, do the women I have met in the past few years really KNOW me? I mean REALLY know me. Quite honestly I am not sure. However, in the efforts to getting to know someone it takes two to tango. I used to tango alone trying to spark interest in anyone I would meet to care to know me. I am no longer a single tango'er.

Do I have room for new friends? sure. Do I NEED the room? nope. I certainly don't have the space for people that will let me down, or make me feel less of a person, because let's face it, the only enemy I really need close to me is myself. I let myself down enough, I do not need others to do this too.

My tolerance for people is getting smaller and smaller with age. My adoration for my handful of loyal, honest, friends that know and love me to the core grows with age. I do hope I will have friends of this magnitude from this stage of my life as well, but that stuff takes time. Tango lessons take time.

Sadly, what I don't think I can ever escape, and what everyone women is doomed with, is women friendships often reflecting our high school years. It is hard to step out of the game and ask not to play anymore, in fear you may be left to play a lonely game of solitaire all on your own. Friendships with women take lots of work, are filled with emotion, time, and most of all energy, and finally I am realizing that even though they often reflect high school, they all don't have to be in my class.

Happy 6 Month Birthday Addison!

Today is 1/2 a year since the day I held this little life in my hands for the first time. It is also 1/2 year away from her first birthday (I better start planning now! :-) ). How can it be 1/2 a year already? Someone tell me this answer please. Life just goes by way to quick. For as much as I have been able to eat her up and savor her every bit of baby cuteness, I feel like this six months has zipped past me and I will never get it back. Especially since we are pretty darn sure this is the last baby for us, and with that means an ending of so much that has lived in my life for the past three years plus! Like maternity clothes never to be worn again but holding the significance of a wedding dress. A time of great importance, massive change, and huge amounts of blessings, but never to be worn again.

My Addison. Six months old. What a miracle she is! Her smile is like a gazillion watt light bulb, and her big eyes are always curiously looking at the world taking it all in (as if she is studying for a test--memorizing).

This past month She has done of few amazing things. She has rolled over, started to sit up on her own, cut two teeth (just this week --when they come fully out I will post a pic), eating solids like a champ (she has TWO meals and her favorite thing to down is vegetables!!!), she smiles longingly at her Father's picture, calms down when "You are my sunshine" is sung to her, she belly laughs, splashes in the tub, grabs everything she can to put in her mouth, and shops like a true girl (she can go hours!). The only thing she is NOT doing that her parents think she should CERTAINLY be doing is... sleeping through the night.

She is also growing like a weed. She is already in her 6-9 month clothes. I just switched it over this week and I just have to tell you, she owns about 15 Ralph Lauren dresses thanks to her grandma who works at Macy's--SPOILED! Her current stats will be posted later this week when we go for her 6 month check up filled with great info, and lots of shots :-( .

Addison is also going on week three of physical therapy for a neck and doing awesome! She also continues to see the pediatric chiropractor. My next order of business is finding her a swim class!

Here are her 6 month pics today's "HEY SHORTY IT'S YOUR 1/2 BIRTHDAY" photo shoot: