Just A Kid Update

Rylan

Rylan sings from his bedroom while he lays in bed trying to lull himself to sleep. He calls out, "Mom, I never get to hug you anymore, can you please come in?". Part of me wants to say no while I am in a juicy part of a tv show, the other part tells myself "how many years do I have left of him asking for this?". I go in.

His arms were stretched around me. He asks me about college. What is it? Do I have to go? Where did you go? and so on and so forth. We discuss dorm life and I describe it as a hotel you sleep in with your friends. He asks me where you eat. I tell him it is like a big buffet that includes all the ice cream you want to eat. His eyes get big in amazement. However, when we start discussing sleeping arrangements he starts to worry. "So you won't be there?" he asks. "No, but you can call me on the phone" I say. He turns to my face and says, "Since I will be old enough to drive, I think I will eat there and then drive home. I will miss you guys to much". And my heart swelled. From that day on, I decided when my little boy asks for hugs, I will deliver.

Addison

Addison was laying on the floor watching her favorite Dora. The sun was streaming in and hitting her face. She curled up her nose and said "Go away God". I though I misunderstood to her. Until she said, "Mom God is on me. Get off God. I love you but get off me". I literally wept with laughter. How does my 2 year old come up with this stuff? How does she make the connection of light being God? I keep saying she is my little holy roller since she talks about God all the time. She will randomly point up in the sky and say"God loves me. I love God". And I am always baffled. We aren't stellar church goers, and our talk about God is minimal. I love how she just finds it in her own heart.

Baby Tres

Did someone say Pringles? I ate an entire tube the other day. This normally wouldn't seem odd for a pregnant me, as in the past I ate everything that wasn't nailed to the floor. However, this time I am barely eating. The things I do eat I eat in a compulsive "get in my belly" mode.

I had an ultrasound last that confirmed the baby is 1/2 pringle and 1/2 egg with cheese. Ok, actually it just looks like an alien, and could not get enough of looking right at the camera. The next ultrasound with be the big reveal and then our house will be in renovation mode.

Just in case you are wondering, the shock has not worn off yet. I am still baffled I am having a third child. My guess is my shock may just stick with me until baby 3 is about 18 and going to college.

My Relationship To My Blog

Have you ever put all of your passion and time into something and then suddenly you don't? You thought you couldn't live without it? That is defined who you are and that people were counting on you to deliver it?

We evolve with every day that passes. What once was a passion can soon turn to a mere spark.

This is why my blog has been so sparse. It has been the tree standing among a forest leafless and partly lifeless.

It doesn't mean I am breaking up with it. Or that I don't find parts of this space ultra special or important. It just means I need to reshape and work on it. I need to fall in love with it again. Like any relationship, it is work.

I know when this abandonment started. It was with my TV debut and writing on my new blog. I sort of found my niche in it. I felt like my everyday "What I gave my kids to eat" or "finding Mom friends is hard" was not only lacking substance to the true meaning of my life, but it was also sort of arrogant of me. To assume my readers gave a crap about getting my kids hair cut, or going out to the park. For me, I need something deeper to say. I need to be moved to write it.

So the proof will be in the pudding. My conscious choice is to write only when moved to do so. Instead of writing because I feel like I HAVE to. I got lost a few years back about stats and numbers. I convinced myself I had to write everyday in order to keep readers coming back. Then I woke up and realized, that isn't what matters or why I started this blog.

Will there be kid stuff? You bet. Will there be ranting about a bad day or needing motivation to clean the house? sure. Will I share my current pregnancy and the birth of baby "non-junebug" Tres? yep. But.... and it is a BIG but.... I will only write it if there is substance to it.

I broke up with the 5 million pictures to chronicle my families every move. I broke up with feeling like every thing we do has to be typed in a post. I broke up with feeling like I could not live with out this space.

So if I write in a day, or a month, or two months... I hope you will come back with hopes you read something more meaningful then my everyday hum drum.

I still love my blogs. I still love to read blogs. I just realized in a moment of stillness and clarity.... I don't have to marry it.

Who knows--maybe in time I will forget all of this well meaning stuff, grow arrogant, and post 5 million pictures of my new baby. One can never tell with hormones.

Typical relationship right?

I want to win the lottery!

This is me putting it out to the universe.

Do normal people full out believe they are going to win the lottery? Or am I just a freak?

I have this feeling often. In fact, a few months back I was so sure after dreaming of numbers and making Pete play them that this was it. It wasn't of course.

Our favorite game is "What would you do if we won?". The scenarios are endless. It certainly doesn't help when TLC airs show on lottery winners that always seemed to have "known" they'd win.

Maybe it is my own desperate need to take away all of my debt (thank you student loans). Or possibly the big dreamer in me, like that little girl I used to be that thought I would be the next Carol Alt in the modeling world. Whatever it is, I like to think it could be possible.

Most recently I had yet again a very vivid dream of winning from a "Win for life" scratch ticket. And so I purchased two, and didn't even win a buck (while out $20)! For now it isn't paying off to be a big dreamer, but maybe someday it will. Please tell me you dream of this too!