FULL

Do you ever have a moment when you stop and take a breath, you look at your kid(s), and the emotion just overwhelms you? You can't imagine how you gained such blessings, you can't believe you made them, and more importantly, you can't believe they call you "Mom"?

I had one of those moments last night. Pete was playing soccer late, and I had both kids at the dinner table laughing at each other, while listening to a soothing African beat music cd. I just sat and watched their interaction, and the amount of love they have for one another. Rylan must have read my mind because he stopped and told me he loved me. I silently melted and thought if this happened to be the last day on earth I could say with certainty that I have done the most important thing I ever wanted to do, have loved and been loved more then I ever imagined, and have felt the feeling of being "full".

I kept thinking about that moment today when Rylan kept doing things that either made me laugh or feel so undeniable loved. Such as:

• He stroked my cheeks and told me, "Mommy I love you so much. I love you as big as the moon. I love Addie too. And Daddy. You love me?".
• He wants to go into every church he sees because he wants to "say hi to Jesus", like he is his neighbor or something! Today we were busy and I told him the door was closed, he turned to me, without missing a beat, and said, "Mommy Jesus' door is never closed".
• He had is window down in the car, sun glasses on, and as I turned a corner yelled out to a cute teenage girl, "Hi girl! You want to play with me?". Oh boy --am I in trouble or what?

Addison also gave me many many moments today of complete love. She SO loves her Momma. Today we went over a friends house for a Mom's Brunch with other Moms I hadn't met yet. It was not only nice to meet other Mom's and find connections in this area, it was also to do something just with Addie. By now, when Ry was this age, I had already been to a number of classes, and met a number of people, but poor Addie gets jipped. After today it is on my to do list, and now re-contemplating the MOPS thing. Can I sit there and tune out what I don't like or believe, and focus on the positive? I am not sure.

What ever comes of any day, good or bad, all I know is .... I am so blessed. So full. So loved.

Beyond Spray N Wash And A Can Of Lysol

Here we are at Thursday. I wish I had news of more "it's all about the Benjamen's" winnings, or winning a sweet trip from the million of "win a free vacation" magazine websites I put our name into, but all I got is a sick kid...still.

I am starting to imagine what it is like to feel the sun I see out my window upon my face, as I am nearly about to claw my way out of this house that I have been shut into for nearly ten consecutive days (with minor breaks here and there). The war of trying to get medicine down a sick kids throat while he tries to spit it back at you and says, "I don't like it, you can't make me", is almost as fun as trying to get the sick kid to the bathroom in time while diarrhea rares its ugly head in the last hour of this fine virus that has taken five days already to exit. A grand finale of sorts that isn't so grand, and another day calling the school saying he will be out again. All I want to say to them is "dude it's me again. All I have to say is Lysol and Spray n wash, you get the picture".

The real kicker is he had Spring break last week so it has been almost two weeks since he has been in school. During that Spring break Addison had this fine virus that lasted in her for about five days as well. This leaves me to be nothing less of stir crazy, and in great need to wander outside alone even if I am talking to myself. My mother in law said I should just let Rylan stay home tomorrow because "whats the point?" after he has been out all week. "Oh no" I said, "homeboy is going to school if he is fever free for 24 hours, and no longer has the runs". I am almost overly confident this will happen tomorrow, but with my luck, I will be scrubbing underwear, and forcing meds again.

You would think this sick thing is a good thing for my house, well besides the germs, and the "ick" smell. Why? because it sparkles. I told my best friend that all I had hoped to do today was steam mop the floors. I thought this would be impossible since I was doing laundry in between ever thirty second bathroom break that Rylan called out help for. Thankfully this part of the day has since calmed down, and I did it! I steam mopped the entire 1st floor of the house. I decided why stop there, it is not like I can pack the kids up and go outside in that sunshine blaring at us in the windows. So Elmo babysat, and I reorganized the kitchen counter tops, and cabinets, because you know that has been on my to do list since we moved in almost two years ago. Do you know how freeing it is to make space on your counter top? I nearly tapped into my inner college years and jumped on top of them for a mini dance-a-thon, but instead I surrendered to some chicken soup because between you and me, my stomach isn't feeling so good (ut-ohhhh please lord I can not take another week in this house, especially with taking care of someone sick, even if that someone is ME).

Lastly, can we just discuss the sad, pathetic, "I give up" look I have going on. My beloved sweat pants have been in the recycle laundry pile for over use while giving tender love and care to the sick ones. They are not only any old pair of sweat pants, they are comfy maternity sweat pants, the only remnants left in my draws that I was ever pregnant before. They are practically falling off me since I am a. no longer pregnant, and b. lost weight. So not only do I look like frumpy Mom, I am looking like I am about to rap about it too! I have also been rocking one of my many stained long cotton tee's (I have one in almost every color of the rainbow), and the fabulous look of a pony tail which tops off the frumpy to dumpy. Needless to say when Pete gets home the man can't keep him hands off of me!

I am dreaming of my hair did, a rocken non stained non maternity outfit, driving the car with the windows down, alone, and wondering what I am going to do with the rest of my day. Hey a crazy, shut in, bust a sag- maternity clad wearing, Momma to never ending sick kids, can dream can't she?... and then it is over and I am Spray N Washing underwear again.

That One Day That Nobody Was Sick...

Last Friday was our only day free of sickness during Rylan's Spring break, that we got to skip out and get some fresh air! It was a cold, windy one, but I was determined to make the best of it!

Addie on her Swing while shivering
He is fine being cold as long she he is playing
Sitting in the airplane together

A pilot on a plane called "Pete's Special"
Looking in the grass
Trying to get a sibling picture but all she wanted was to grab Ry's ears
Running on the soccer field
Petting the sheep was a hit
Pretending to be a goat wasn't so bad either
Happy to be bathed, and sick free

One Man Down

It is interesting how we define ourselves by different measures of success. Often my measure it how my kids are blossoming, and today while hanging out beside the toilet, I could not help but think, "My has my boy grown into a polite and brave little fella". Sure it was in the midst of his puking, and the fact he kept apologizing for it, but for some reason I could not help but be proud that my kid made it to the toilet to puke, made it in time, no mess to clean up, AND thanked me for it afterwards for being there for him.

Hey you have to look for the silver lining when there is a puking kid in the house, this just happened to be mine.

This marks for week number two of operation sick kid, except this time it is the opposite kids turn. I nearly did a jig when I heard I was going to be able to leave for twenty minutes when my father in-law offered to come sit with Rylan while I ran to CVS for more Tylenol, pedialite, and a small gift to lift the little man's spirit. Why? because I have been stuck for over a week (minus a day or so), of being in the house cuddling with sweet, loving faced germs, and looking hot in smacked back hair and sweat pants. Lets face it folks, when you have a sick kid you become non-existent. So when I can go to CVS and breathe fresh air even if I am looking like a truck ran over me, then so be it.

Confession: last week when Addison had this high fever bug, she still looked like a million bucks. If you didn't touch her and she didn't feel like a 425 degree oven, you would have thought she was fine. I had to get out. I needed a coffee. So I strapped her in her seat and took her through the Starbucks drive through. I honestly didn't know how bad this virus was until it appeared on Rylan. He can barely move, puking because of the high fever, wincing, and constantly telling me, "mommy I don't feel good. I sick. I'm sorry,". Rip my heart out kid and feed it to me with a Starbucks. I so wanted a Starbucks today since I got a total of two eye blinks of sleep last night, but sorry Addie, I was no way putting that poor boy in the car. Same virus, different kids, and I played by different rules, ahh well nobody is perfect.

I tell you what though, being stuck in the house bored to tears in between sessions of back rubbing over the porcelain throne, means one clean house. I tore this mother up today! Ok so it sort of had something to do with my day starting with puked on sheets, but still, it put me in the right direction.

I can not count the number of times since November our household has looked like this. There is always one man down. Almost always some type of stomach issue going on that continues to denounce my ever loving belief prior to the Winter of 09/10 that you can only get a stomach virus once. Yet here we are, in all of our glory. My stomach is gurgling, and in my head I am thinking "beware of what you eat". At least the up side is now my son had learned the art of vomiting in the toilet (silver lining how small you are, but I must keep my head above the gaggle of negatives swirling about).

A Weekend To Remember

Last week consisted of a long, drawn out, day by day of "is it Friday yet"'s. Not only because it was school break, but also because we were stuck in the house thanks to Addison having a high fever virus that would not let up. When it finally broke by Friday, I took the kids out to the park and to see some farm animals in order to get some fresh air, and for Rylan to feel as if he actually did something on his isolated Spring break.

When the weekend came I could not have been more happy. The house was sick free, Pete was home to help, and Sunday consisted of time for us to get away without the kiddos. My expectations for our time away was nothing but a fun night out with just the two of us to watch a show my Dad was doing sound for, I did not anticipate the rest.

We got to the casino early before the show to do what we love to do and toss our money into the machines. We did our usual for quite some time, toss some bling in, and moan about how we lost it yet again. Even in the midst of our downward spiral we talked about how some day when we retire we are going to be those old couples doing this gambling thing often. When headed to dinner with our heads held a little low and feeling defeated. We swiped our players card at the little to no chance of winning the days prize, and ordered an adult beverage at the Hard Rock.

Thankfully Pete had to pee about an hour later. We are very, very thankful for this, as in front of the rest room hung a monitor with the days winners. Pete nearly turned three sheets of white when his name was posted on that board for winning $500 free slot play. Out of thousands of players that had swiped their cards that day, Pete had won! Now our biggest problem was meeting my Dad in a half hour for the show. I could not imagaine how we would be able to blow $500 in 30 minutes.

No need to worry people, we did it in .... 10 minutes! That is some FAST gambling! We had a few smalls wins, and then on Wheel Of Fortune, Pete spun the wheel, and for the first time since we started this hobby, we hit BIG! We became $1000 richer on just one spin!

We walked to the show with our heads held much higher while being $1200 richer. It was a bonus that the band was fabulous (We saw the Fray). The only down fall to the night was our long almost two hour trek home, and entering into a baby needing a bottle at 2 am, and a pre schooler sick and moaning all night. I call that smacked with reality!

The weekend is over, and although our pockets are a little fuller, I have a feeling it might be a bit of a challenging next few days. Since Rylan has now acquired Addison's fever virus, we are yet again stuck in the house with no school in the near future.

Who Do You Think You Are?

Who did I always think I was? French from France, English from England, and Irish from Ireland, and of course American. This is what I grew up knowing about my mut mix of blended ethnicity's.

Then the new show Who Do You Think You Are? and my sister became addicted and joined the ancestry website that was featured on the show. My grandmother heard about it, and gave her a thick packet filled with our family tree info dating back to 1500's. Suddenly, we were in for a surprise.

Our beliefs of being Irish checked out, and so did English, but French, well that was an entirely different story then we had expected. Apparently our family is very, very French Canadian. So much so that a past relative of ours has a street named after him in Quebec, and another set of ancestors (father and daughter) were known at the time as the strongest people in the North being compared to Hercules for their strength (clearly my sister and I are trying to bring this status BACK to our family while trying to fit in our bathing suits this Summer). Others were identified as coming down to New Hampshire and getting into some well know scuffles with the Indians and being captured! Suddenly, all of our jokes about Celine Dion weren't sounding so funny anymore.

Our dreams of having relatives in Paris became smaller and smaller with every bit of information my sister found. We did have an unexpected connection to the island of Nantucket though. Apparently we are related to a dude with the last name Starbuck. This is purely my verification on why I am addicted to coffee, as apparently it is literally in my blood. Well this fella with a great last name, sailed and was one of the first founders of Nantucket!!!!! The man he went with was last name Folger, and my sister is convinced they traveled to Nantucket to have their first coffee convention. I googled Starbuck and found out his families legacy on that island is long and well known. There is even a little cottage called Little Starbuck which makes a girl go "hmmmmm".

I also found out that I could have gotten some great baby name ideas off of my family tree. One I loved was a women with the name Nora McNeely. Is that not the cutest Irish name ever?

We also have heart murmurs that make heart valves go kaput. This is not in the data my sister was giving, but in our current family lives. As you know my Dad had to have heart surgery this Fall because of this. Today my Nanny (Dad's Mom, and the grandmother who all of this info follows), had it too (and thankfully made it out just fine). I was diagnosed a few years back with this murmur, and the genetic negatives don't stop there, as my father also gave me the joy of Kidney Stones! I can't help but wonder if super human strength peeps had these things too?

So my France ties that I always dreamt of aren't there. So I have to share my ancestry with Celine. I have Starbuck in my blood, and some super human strength somewhere in there too! Coffee and muscles! That's GOOD! Heart murmurs and kidney stones, not so good.

Thanks Be To God Not Food

I have been digging deep. Not in the soil of my gardens outside because between you and me, it is not one of strengths, but within.

This need to dig started back in November when I read Eat, Pray, Love, and it was followed by a numerous amount of things that plays in my head like the old early 90's song from C&C Music Factory, "Things that make you go hmmm". I have been going "hmm" with hand stroking my chin is constant curiosity what seems like all of my life, but this time, instead of questioning life itself, I am questioning me and my own existence.

Since opening that book on the beach of Aruba, I have worked hard at losing twenty more pounds, tried to reattach the spiritual person I once was, and seek out being moved by others. I thought this journey was a simple one, with simple answers, and yet in my efforts I have entered more confusion, and less clarity.

I love food. I have loved food all of my life. For some this is no big deal, they love food too, but for me it is an addiction. It fills voids that have been vacant almost all my life. Vacancies I am treading water over here trying to figure out, and fill then without refilling with food. I am not just talking twinkies, and cupcakes people, I will fill that void with any food. I make a loaf of banana bread and by the end of the day GONE. I buy a bag of tortilla chips and salsa, and by the end of the day GONE. This has been my life. Stuffing my face way beyond being stuffed, and feeling the high during it, and low afterwards. I have loved food way more then I have ever loved myself (and that is the truth).

Saying goodbye to habits and/or addictions like these are not fixed with "go on a diet". In fact they are the main reason diets fail, and people live lives scratching their heads wondering why this time wasn't different. Let me tell you, as a size 0 I had a food addiction. At a size 2, believe me when I tell you, I was not the girl you wanted to take on a date because I am ordering WAYYYYYYYYYYY more then salad. The difference between me then and now is purely size, but with the same debilitating problem. It was not about what I ate, but WHY I ate. Why I still find myself with the urge to eat the entire pan of brownies before they even get cool. It is like an alcoholic hanging out with alcohol all around, newly sober, but without the tools to continue sobriety. I need TOOLS people. Not diets, not more exercise, I need answers. I need to take the food out, and fill the voids. This is hard since we can live without alcohol, but in order to live we must EAT.

I started to read an amazing book that Oprah had mentioned a few weeks ago. I would venture to say, with me only being half way through it, that it may be the best book I have ever read. Why? because it hold answers. I read pages upon pages that speak to my very soul, so much so, I have to re-read them over and over again (hence only half way through). It is called Women Food And God, and every time I open it I have to hold my breath, and pay attention. It is as if, finally, FINALLY, someone told me the why, and is giving me the gift of how. I felt like the author, Geneen Roth, was speaking to me, and only me, and wrote an entire book on my story. I could fill this entire blog with quotes the nearly floored me, but I must share two:

• " Women turn to food when they are not hungry because they are hungry for something they can't name: a connection to what is beyond the concerns of daily life. Something deathless, something sacred. But replacing the hunger for divine connection with Double Stuff Oreos is like giving a glass of sand to a person dying of thirst. It creates more thirst, more panic. Combine the utter inefficacy of dieting with the lack of spiritual awareness and we have generations of mad, ravenous, self-loathing women".
• "There are many ways to bolt. Walking out the door. Renting a helicopter. Distracting yourself from your real pain by doing a thousand different things: thinking about something else, blaming your mother, blaming someone else, getting into a fight, comparing yourself to other people, dreaming about life in the future, recalling life in the past, never getting deeply involved. Eating. Spending your life trying to lose weight or figure it all out. Resigning yourself to the the endless struggle with food so you never have to take the dive into the meaning of it all. Or discover who you are, what your relationships can be without the drama of food".

And this is just the tip of the iceberg, this book has layers of things that make me ponder that it is almost to much to take in. Almost, until I am in the kitchen twitching and needing a filler upper even though I just ate an entire meal twenty minutes ago.

The number one thing I have realized since reading this book has been I never take time out of my day to do something to celebrate me that does not involve food or exercise. I need to learn how to, since I have spent a life time of telling Ms. Aimee that she "deserves to fill your face with an ice cream sundae today, you had a bad day", or "aww someone made your cry, grab a donut". Food has always been my reward. My comforter, my savior, my everything. I remember when I was in my teen years and boys would make me cry, my Mom would march right over to the store and buy me "depression bars" (aka Klondike bars). The message to my inner self was "food will fix it". Not time, not God, not for the love of ones self, ... only food.

Thankfully science was on my side for along time, and I walked this earth being skinny. Nobody would ever know this secret I had. Heck I didn't even know. I just thought I just loved food. Then turning 30 and having babies, and not getting the body I left beforehand, back, I realized it was much more painful, deep, and horrid, then I have ever could have imagined as a size 2. So honestly, I can say it here for the first time, I am thankful for the size 16 post Rylan. It made my soul wake up.

So in honor of digging deep, finding myself, this awesome book, inspiring blogs like Cass who makes it a regular habit to make monthly resolutions, Oprah, and just trying to be an authentic me, ... I am trying to do something everyday to comfort myself, celebrate myself, and let myself know I am loved, I am ok, I am cared for, ... even without Food.

Two Funny Stories Of One Funny Kid

I wanted to write a well thought out post today, and well... lets just say there wasn't exactly any "down" time. Here is a glimpse of what went on in our house today:

• Rylan is getting ready for school and I remind him I am going to go get him a surprise for doing #2 on the potty last night (the never ending "you must poop on the potty" game) while he is in school. Suddenly his face changes into a sad face, while rubbing his tummy he says, "Mommy my stomach hurts. I don't feel well, so no school for me today. Can you take me to the doctor and then we can ice cream?".... Yikes. I am playing this "I don't want to go to school --I'm sick" game with my THREE year old already? I must say he was a good actor (well except for his last line about ice cream). He then went into the other room and pulled his shirt up and said, "See Addison my tummy hurts, I told Mommy no school, but she says I have to go". Apparently he has also learned the art of telling on me.
• Rylan is always exhausted on school days. He is usually begging me for a nap. Today I put him down in his bed, and a half hour later he came out to tell me (in the middle of me doing the dishes and thinking I had another two hours to do what I wished) that he wasn't tired today. "Mommy I am not tired today, I am not taking a nap ok?". I started with "yes you are", which of course came back with "No I NOT". So my light bulb went off, and I said Mommy will go lay down with you. He says, "fine but I am not sleeping I am not tired". I am thinking sure sure buddy, I give you ten minutes and then you will be snoozing and I can get back to my to do list (like a thoughtful post on my blog). An hour later I realize I am drooling on his pillow, and look up to find Rylan quietly reading books. He announces, "Mommy you slept. Good girl, you feel better now? I didn't sleep, I was tired". Dang kid out smarted me on that one.

Take Time Away From The Kids

You know what I totally don't understand but run the risk of getting publicly flogged by writing about? parents that don't have date night.

Here's the thing, before kid(s) you married (in most cases) that man your kid(s) call Daddy, and the two of you HAD A LIFE before little Joe Joe and company every entered your lives. Then they came, and yes your heart burst, you understood what love meant, all sunshine, and rainbows....but DUDE get a babysitter. Like NOW. For Today preferably. I know you think your kid(s) are your entire world right now, but should they be? because when they turn 18 and leave the nest, what exactly will the nest look like then?

Everyone needs time away from their kids. Heck your kids even need time away from YOU. It is healthy. The unnatural thing to do is be helicopter parents, and be involved in every once of them all the time, when in fact your marriage needs a bit of that time. Relationships take work, and they can not be worked on when it is all consumed by your children.

I have heard a lot of excuses in the "Mom" world about not having family around, or unable to find someone trustworthy. Yes I am lucky my in laws are a hop, skip, and a jump from me, but if they weren't you can bet your bootie someone would be hired. I was only twelve years old when a family a street over hired me. I know that age sounds feverishly young, but you know what, I was responsible. I took care of those two kids, fed them dinner, bathed them, put them to bed, and anything else the parents requested. I can honestly tell you, I did a good job. Since I know the young babysitter, later nanny, I was, I have faith there are more people out there that can be trusted then not. So do your research, your background checks, and invite them over while you and little Johnny are staying home one day. If everything checks out, you check out, and check in on your marriage. If you still don't feel comfortable with the idea of a "stranger" or "young person" in your home, ask a fellow Mom friend to do a date night swap, that way you not only get someone you know and trust to watch them, it is also FREE (so you can not use the money issue as an excuse either).

I know it is your business how you do things, but I just wanted those of you out there reading this that have never gotten in a car with your husband without the kids in the backseat, to understand, although you are being a wonderful parent, other parts of your life may suffer. This entire post was created off of a couple I saw on tv, and left thinking their marriage is over when the kids leave and they are left alone. You can not expect to pick up where you left off prior to kids, after twenty years of no alone time. I know what you are thinking, "I get plenty of alone time when the kids are sleeping and we are watching tv together". This does not qualify as "date night", nor is it really "working" on ones relationship. The happiest of marriages I have seen that have lasted 30/40 years, and hope to emulate, are those older folks that told me when we got married to go on vacations alone no matter what, and to make sure we make time together.

Just as you take time to care for your children, take time to take care of you and your relationship.

Getten Her Grill In

3:30 am is just not an acceptable time for anyone other then a newborn to be up. Teething bites.

Addison is cutting her entire top row of teeth all at once, and believe me she is not letting me forget about it. My cute little girl who I was just complaining never says "Momma" anymore, has spend at least the past 48 hours whining out those very words. She winces when eating or drinking bottles, and gnawing on anything she can get her cute chubby hands on. She is also having instant wake up times once the Tylenol wares off. Hence the 3:30 am wake up for the past two nights.

It would be all said and done, if all I needed to do was squirt some Tylenol in her mouth, rub some Oragel on her gums, and she rolled over and went back to sleep. However, this case seems to be a dream, because instead she is bright eyed and bushy tailed, and wanting a bottle. This "I am awake thanks to my throbbing gums" thing keeps her awake for up to two hours, which makes this Mom very awake.

Tell me Moms you are like this to and I am not totally crazy. I can not sleep if my kid isn't sleeping. I am anticipating the next time I have to roll out of bed, and my head is in constant stir of "how long will it take her to get back into Z's mode?". So after Tylenol, Oragel, and a bottle, I sit perched in my bed watching my husband snore like a baby, and listen to our baby babble, whine, put toys on in her crib, and I wait.

How and why is it these little munchkins can still get up at the same time? How is it they are not dragging ass like the rest of us? Addison wants to play, and I want to sleep. She wins when she is singing songs of "Momma". Darn teething.

My Favorite Things For March

Check them out HERE !!!!!!!!! (sorry it didn't link before!)

Share with me some of your favorite things, so that I can try them out too!

10 Months Of Beauty

I can hardly believe it has been 10 months since I gave birth! This month came up fast, as I nearly missed her 10 month day.

So here we are... two months before celebrating her big bash of a first birthday party, which will be filled with joyous cupcake love.

Addison is getting so big so quick. She is eating everything from Salmon, to veggies, to rotisserie chicken! She just broke two more teeth on her 10 month day! Two are coming quickly behind that! She is still not crawling as she is LAZY! If you try to tease her with come fetch this toy she full out screams! She is working on it at physical therapy though, and also working on gaining control over balancing each side. She is getting way to long for her infant car seat, so we are emerging to a new day of needing to switch soon (which I dread saying goodbye to the snap n go). She laughs a nearly everything Rylan does, she giggles when you "woof" at her, her favorite song besides "You are my sunshine", is the Addison song I made up. She goes hours and hours talking about "da da" and has since only said Momma when she wants me to get her out of bed. Her favorite things to do these days is eat, talk, bathe, and swing on the outdoor swings.

Here are some pics from our 10 month photo opt today. I took some really cute shots of her only in her diaper, but fearful of those weirdo's out there. So you will all just have to imagine the cuteness :-)!!!!

Chillen
Commando crawling
Hi Mom
I am going to come get you
Cheeeeeeeeeeeeese
I'm so pretty
Fancy Tights
Sitting and watching Elmo on tv
Naked Feet
Mom's signature above shot
A photo shoot now? Just when Elmo started. Do you actually think I am going to look at you?

One Of Those Days

I felt prepared last night for a Monday morning. I had clothes layed out, back pack all set, grocery list made, and a time line in my head on what Monday would bring. I was prepared, and feeling like I could tackle it, because this is me, a predictable, control, super freak. (She's a super freak super freak--yes you can join in and sing it with me).

Then 5:40 a.m. happened.

Rylan came into my room telling me his ear hurt. I wanted to tell him to grow a pair because I was to zonked, and Pete was layed up in the guest room with a stomach virus. However, Rylan was overly mushy, whiny, and telling me he didn't want to go to school. I couldn't believe I was already playing the game "is he lying to get out of school, or is he truly sick", already at the ripe age of 3. I thought he might be lying since he then told me his tooth hurt, and he has a bad belly ache (which sort of made me wince knowing big Daddy was battling the rumble in the jungle demons). Pete told me to humor him and take a look in his ear with a flashlight, while assuming all was well and send him on the bus. Alas! I did and I found out the problem. His tube was chilling and almost rolling out, which meant homeboy was heading to the ear doctor today. An appointment unplanned, that also was intruding on my appointments already planned, and my very planned day was now over. I was clearly a super freak by 8 a.m.!

After calling the school (because even though my son is only in pre-school I have to call the nurse and tell her why I am keeping my child home--ridiculous I think!), the bus company, and rushing out the door to Addison's 9am appointment, I squeezed in a grocery shop, and made Rylan's 11 am ear appointment. Phew. I needed a glass of "Mom juice" by then. It didn't help the the doctor we waited a half an hour for in his office, rolled eyes when he came in and saw Rylan on the phone talking to Daddy. It took all of me not to tell him "dude you do what you gotta do when you have a 3 year old waiting". He then also reamed me for canceling a prior appointment and not making a new one. Until, he realized his sturdy little "talking to" he gave me was for nothing, because Rylan's ears are glistening and he told me we no longer have to come in unless it is for sickness. If my kid wasn't listening, today might have been a day I told the doctor to "suck it"!

Now that his ear is tube free, Rylan seems back to normal. Addison is on the verge of trying to crawl and doing awesome in physical therapy (her 9 am appt.). For making sure both my kids needs were met, and a grocery shop in between, I was feeling like a pretty good Mom today, even though I was stressed. Unpredictable days are hard to swallow, but sometimes you just got to pick yourself up, and go.

I came home to a note I made myself for applying to get tickets to see Oprah in NYC in May. I decided this was more important to me then lunch (I only had time for one or the other). Naturally Oprah comes before all food, and especially on a day like today when I need a "A-ha moment" so badly. Hopefully my sacrificing a meal, will bring good Oprah ticket karma, and I can dance around and feel joy, that I can cross that off of my life "to do" list. In reality the chances are slim to none, but hey I tried.

It is Addison's 10 month birthday today, and I forgot to realize this until about 5 minutes ago, since I didn't even know what the date was today. I didn't take a 10 month picture, or even a 10 month post of what she likes, what she is doing, and so on and so forth. I am guessing that is going to have to be on tomorrows planned Tuesday, unless of course Rylan awakes with telling something else is hurting (which hopefully will be post 6:30 am so my compassion is there and not on my sleep I am missing!).

Some days, I just can't wait to curl up in bed. Today is clearly one of those days. I could skip dinner today as well, if it meant an early to bed night, and promised "O" tickets!

The God Part Is Covered

There isn't a lot that I am 110% confident about when it comes to knowing who I am, and what I am all about. I am always growing, changing, and learning knew things about who I am. The part that never changes, that I am always confident in, is my spirituality/faith. You sorta get like that when you have a near death experience at a young age, and have vivid memories of the "light", and "the other side". I mean a seven year old mind can't exactly make such things up, even though I have been told endlessly that what I saw wasn't "real", or that my faith lacks because I am not in a pew every Sunday.

Have I voiced that people preaching spirituality or God's word when uninvited, is the #1 thing that ticks me off the most. I would rather be stuck on a street filled with bad drivers, who are wearing scrunchies in their hair, texting while driving, and stuck in my car with Miley Cyrus. All of the things that annoy me in this world are meaningless next to preachers. I can not stand being told how I should define my faith, who I should be in God's eyes, or even better what it is like on the other side because duuuuuuuudddddddeeeee....I have been there...I have SEEN the light, you my brother, have only read about it.

So, with a heavy heart, after some great annoying moments, I am bowing out of my local MOPS group (Mothers Of Preschoolers), after two frustrating years. Not because I haven't met friendly Moms, or enjoyed a great breakfast buffet every month. Not because I don't think the daycare cares for my baby the right way, because they love her! Only because they say they are Christian based not church based, but every single meeting there is always a plug for the church. All of the speakers, the leaders, and so on and so forth are only from the church, and to me, I would call that church based. They aren't open to the "other" Christian religions/beliefs, as I once offered to speak myself, and was told an entire song and dance on why I couldn't. I do not feel comfortable when there is a church or even a group of people walking and talking like robots. Faith is personal, and I feel like one should be able to feel, and speak, and believe freely in ones own shoes. I hate being a quitter, but when you are mixing my "Mom time", and preaching faith, I am out. There is no breakfast casserole, or potential best friend Mommy's that can keep me there.

I was laying in bed last night thinking about the ending of this chapter. I am worried about how this will be perceived to others that continue going to this meeting (will they still want to be my friend?), and I realized I need to let this go. Who cares about what others will think, when I am being honest with who I am, and what I am about? I can not, will not, sacrifice my relationship with God in order to care about others chatter, and trying to "suck it up". So I prayed about it, to the only music I envision to be playing in heaven that we have on earth, Enya. I swear there isn't a church hymn, or a Christian song that can beat her music. It was then I realized I do not have to explain to anyone why I don't want to join their church, or why I am not in a pew regularly. It doesn't make me less of a Christian then those that do, nor does it mean I am any further from God. While praying it also came to me that I never had a reason to want to read the Bible, which I know will shock and horrify many out there, but here is the thing, you may say it is God's word, but it wasn't a biography or a memoir, it is autobiography with different spins depending on the religion. The only biography God has given us is in prayer and in our hearts, and to me, that is my Bible. Cast your stones, tar and feather me, regardless of what you have been told, we are all going in the same place my friend.

A wise Catholic priest at my Godson's baptism said it best. After I told him I was baptized Episcopal, but tend to practice in the Catholic church, he didn't huff and puff over whether I took communion or not, he didn't request that I "transform into a Catholic", he said with a smile, and a heaping amount of grace, "We are all praying to the same God". Amen to that. If I lived closer, and had a priest like that, I might just make that weekly pew, in the meantime, no worries, the God part in life, I got covered.

I leave you with this:

Tell me this doesn't sound like heaven should sound?!

R.I.P Ricky The Rotten Rice Krispi

I was born with it perched on my ear. It made me different, and was one of those "features" that wasn't attractive at all, but could identify me easily.

Today it is gone.

I joined the club of Cindy Crawford, and Enrique Iglesias, and removed my signature mole. Sure it wasn't as beautified as theirs, but it still has a part in defining me, sort of.

The good news is my sister won't be able to talk about "Ricky the rotten rice krispie" on my ear anymore. Nor will random doctors look at it horrified and point to it as if I am growing a nipple on my ear and say, "what the heck is that?". I won't have to deal with it getting water logged, itching, bleeding, or growing bigger ever since I brought babies into the world. And now, that little piece of me being born that was an identifier mark, is now in a test tube being tested.

Part of me feels free of Ricky, another part of me feels like I lost something that belonged to me. I fought 33 years of my life with that stupid ugly thing, and now it is gone in an instant. Just like Cindy, and Enrique, I will no longer be defined by a mole. However, for the next ten days, I will be defined for that girl that wears a band-aid on her ear, as it heals.

Easter Sunday @ Our House

Since buying this "used to be blues clues" pad, we have yet to host any major holiday or party, until this past weekend! We dove in and hosted our first Easter, which if you ask my Mother in-law, is now "all mine" from here on out. Although it is exhausting, a lot of work, and at times stressful, there is also something to be said for being home. The other bonus is you can invite whomever you'd like! So our Easter consisted of my in-law family, and my BFF, because that is how we role. We figured since we are God Mother's to one of each of our children, it would be a nice holiday to share. The extra frosting on the cake was the weather was fabulous! We all dressed as if it was Summer, and even got to eat our dinner outside. The only minor kink was our nasty neighbor who obviously doesn't celebrate the holiday since he choose to clean his car for the entire four hours we were out there. That lovely guy, came over and asked a car to be moved since a front tire was touching a blade of his grass. He is going to love us this June when we host two booming birthday bashes, and the cars will be everywhere.

Replay by pics: (sadly none of the neighbor cleaning his car)

Me and my BFF
Christina & sweet baby Grant
The in-laws
Great Grandma chatting with Christina and Grant
Easter egg hunting
waiting to hunt for those eggs
G (my lil Godson)
Rylan sitting on the stairs
All the kids on the stairs

Our family
Addie already flirting with Grant and he likes it!
You don't need this ear anymore do your Grant?
Pretty dress
Easter favors for the table
The table out on the deck
Addie liking her new duck
She likes the crinkle of the paper the best
Rylan excited about everything the Easter bunny gave him
Rylan finds his Easter stash, even with crazy bed head!

Because....

...this might well be the very cutest picture I have ever taken:

Advice That Stays On Replay

My dang Internet has been on and off for days now, and I have high hopes the technician coming out tomorrow will fix it. However, if he doesn't I might just go insane with constant dropage of phone calls and blog entries. I keep telling myself to enjoy the sunshine, and forget about it, but it sort of is like that advice you always remind yourself to do, but never remember to do it. For instance, "take time to smell the flowers". I might remember to grab a rose every now and then, but on a regular basis, that is a lot of time that is busy with the gazillion other things I have to do. Mothers don't have time to smell the freaken flowers!

So in an effort to make sure whatever I write in this post isn't earth shattering in case it gets lost in cyberspace thanks to my crappy phone/Internet company, here is a list of things I often advise myself on, but also forget to actually do thanks to Motherhood.:

• pick up the phone and call my old, loyal, friends. I dream of this often. I wake up and even tell myself that "today is going to be the day I call ________", and it never is. By 8pm I am cursing at myself because I let another day slip by. One of my dear friends I haven't spoke to on the phone for well over a year, and it is complete insanity because I love her like crazy. So I need to remind myself to do this again.
• Shave your legs. Crap. I forget this one way to often, and then I am in a Zumba class with my work out cropped pants, and instead of thinking about my mamba I am busy thinking who put those manly legs on my body? This is what happens when you have two small children you are leaving alone in a room together, by the tv, and trying to clean your entire body in under 20 seconds! Shaving isn't a necessity, cleaning my parts--well that is.
• Do not sign yourself up to do sh*t you don't want to do. It is a waste of energy! WHY--why must I succumb to peer pressure, or the need to not look bad. Who cares! Learn to say NO!
• Take time to have one on one quality time with Addison everyday! Poor baby #2 gets the shaft! I am always doing something, and taking her along for the ride. I have been trying to make an effort to do at least one special thing that is only about her everyday that Rylan is at school, but sometimes time just gets by.
• Let it go. You don't have to control everything. Give others a chance, and they may very well surprise you! (this one is my ongoing personality trait that I will battle to the end with)
• Wave hi and pretend you care about living in a neighborhood. Really I don't, but I feel like I should. I certainly don't want to be hosting any neighborhood BBQ's, but I think I need to be a little more friendly and little less city gal on them. I think I even need to wave to those stinkers that are nosey, and walk past my house as if I am not even here. Killing with kindness has always worked before hasn't it?
• Make time for you. I work at this one HARD. For the most part I do a good job at it when it comes to working out, but when I am on an "off" week and don't want to work out, I find myself settling for cookies and cake in between taking care of kids as my "OM" moment, and that is just not cool.
• Eat a big breakfast. Every day I make the kids breakfast, and feed them at the same time. I am always rushing to pack this for school, and that for the baby bag for whatever appointment we have. Then I need to shower, listen for the bus, get the baby dressed, and so on and so forth, that it is inevitable ...crap I forgot breakfast AGAIN. Do you know what happens on days like this? Starbucks pastry happens. My ass then questions thy self, "self, do you really want this ass to grow MORE, because I thought the plan was to shrink?".
• Stop and kiss the husband everyday. We do this, but I still have to remind myself in my head to breathe, and before listing all the things I need for him to do when it gets through the door, pucker up. It's important.
• Find another way then yelling. Rylan knows the art of pushing his parents to the very edge of sanity. When he is extra naughty I try to think to myself "calm down Aimee, he is kid. Don't yell, strategizes". Sometimes it works, and sometimes... I am just yelling my little head off.
• Prepare ahead of time, and have your bag of tricks ready. When I was teaching this was key to having a controlled classroom. Sometimes things didn't go as planned and you had to switch up improv style. Parenting is the same! I learned this when a few months ago I went to the mall with Rylan and Addie and swore I would never go back with the way he acted. I hadn't until this past week. This time when I knew I had to go, I packed a baggie of things to hold Rylan's attention if need be, and I also literally devised a plan on where I would go when, and in what order. It worked like a charm. Just like how Rylan's teacher always tells me she is trying to think two steps ahead of him, I did the same at home, and wallah... it worked. I really need to think things out more often so that it ends up being a success for both of us.

Dying Eggs