A boy and his mom

Can Someone Please Explain:

-Why I love to work out to "Money Cash Hoes" from Jay-Z?

-Why Rylan announces he has to "Pee Pee" ONLY when we are at the Mall? (happened again today while we were in the dressing room)

-Why the only kid shoe store considered to be "good for little feet", cheapest shoes are $35?

-Why my husband and I can not agree on political issues or baseball teams?

-Why my 2 yr old has poison ivy or sumac on his legs?

-Why toddlers think they can live off of goldfish and apple juice?

-Why do I still watch Jon and Kate plus 8 even though I know it is a total sham?

-Why facebook is so darn addictive?

-Why growing up has to include a slower metabolism, and it harder to shed the pounds?

-Why I love Starbucks so much when it takes almost all of my allowance in one sitting?

-Why do grown men find Fantasy Football, and video games so darn exciting?

-Why does this weekend have to mark the end of Summer, and it is raining outside?

Yes We Can

warning: political views are about to be discussed. Please cease fire.

In the midst of my daily blog reading I read  this one --man did Kelcey rock this one! At first I had worried that I might have to disown her for her headliner implying dissing Starbucks--but as I read further I realized her point, and felt it. I was upset I missed such awesome speeches at the DNC.

A few days ago Pete asked me why I think people get all excited about the Democratic/Republican conventions. I said I didn't know, since to me it has always been a bunch of "Blah blah--lies--blah blah--more lies". That is was more of a pep rally and less of a "what are you going to do with this country".

A number of years ago I had my own political experiences. In college I worked as an intern for the Mayor of Boston. He was awesome since he had a degree in social services, and really wanted to make change happen in his community. I sat in conferences he was sitting with teenagers and discussing local concerns in that age group, and listening to them for possible ideas. Then I sat on committees that were dedicated to making it harder for college hazing, and underage drinking since the number of fraternity/sorority deaths were on the rise that year. I also got to watch local laws being made, and was placed on the "front line" to experience how the laws trickle down. I was placed once a week in a teen drop in center at the worst project in Boston that happened to be in Southie. There was a new type of heroine at the time, and I was watching kids over dosing from it left and right. One young women told me that she used it first  when her mom offered it to her! South Boston at this time was infested with teen over dosing and suicides. The Mayor knew this at the time and his team was doing all that was possible to make changes. I was the person reporting it back and making sure it was being heard straight from the source. It was a life changing experience, one I will not forget. Besides meeting the most inspirational women I have ever known in my life (Katie Portis (watch this video and you will understand)who is the Mayors Drug Czar), and drooling over his security team for obvious young college girl reasons, I felt honored to be able to ride in the Mayor's limo and talk about real issues, and making real differences. That particular year I was allowed to meet our President at the time. He was speaking at a local school, and only a handful of people were allowed to be there. My direct boss, Ms. Portis, thought it was imperative for me to have this experience and was given the green light from the Mayor to take me. I was in AWE of Bill Clinton. I was sharing a side seat with reporter Sam Donaldson, watching the secret service hang from the roof of the school, while listening to the commander and chief discuss making a difference in education. And it all came full circle for me, suddenly I was inspired with secret hopes of some day topping off this social work degree with a teaching one! 

Did I agree with everything the Mayor ok'd or that Clinton passed during his time in the White House? NO. With politics, I soon understood, is like anything else--you can not please the American people 100% because the American people are made up of different morals, opinions, and beliefs. I can tell you though, that I saw change happening with my own two eyes, and after watching the Bush administration for the past few years, have felt appalled this leader wasn't making change for the better good of his people. I can not digest his morale, to the point that I can not even hear his voice speak without my entire body cringing. We need change....we need it NOW.

Last night I was channel surfing and came to a video montage of Obama. Then he came on stage and gave an AMAZING speech, that made me want to stand on my bed and pull a Tom Cruise and yell "I love Obama". I was captivated, hopeful, and found sincerity that I hadn't heard in years since my time in the Boston office. Before this I was pretty sure who my vote was going to this year, but now I was sure.  I am also starting to understand what the DNC is all about, and why cool chicks like Kelcey are watching. 

If I can't vote for Katie Portis to be President, then my next choice is Obama!

A Pee Story

Amazing.

My child stood in the changing room today at the mall while his friend got his diaper changed, and turned to me and said "pee pee". I felt his diaper--dry as a bone. He kept saying it and grabbing his "stuff". I ask him if he wants to use the potty--he says "potty potty". So I bring the little fella into the "big boy" peeing area (equip with toddler toilets). He takes one look at them and backs off. He continues to say "Mama pee pee", but refuses to get near the toddler thrones. You would think his mom would know by now that the kid had to pee right? WRONG. I mean clearly it wasn't enough with him telling me "pee pee" and some "unit" grabbing! So what does this smart mother do? Carry on with her conversation and ignore the poor tinkle dance tot. Then suddenly I ask the question: How did you get wet? One shoe was soaked, and the side of his shorts drenched. After inspection, I announce, "is this pee?". Well Einstein it was. In the midst of his dancing, shaking, and manhandling, he moved his diaper, and homeboy had the MOTHER LOAD of pee pee's! His diaper was practically to his knees with mass poundage. And there you have it--a mom DAH moment. If only I realized that my child KNEW when he had to pee before letting it rip, I might have been more aggressive with putting him on the throne. Next time I will leave my blond hair at home, and be more of a brunette! For now on--when homeboy says he has to go--GO! RUN for the POTTY!

Playground Dating

When I got married in 2005 a sense of relief happened-I Aimee Farrell (then) would never have to go on a first date. If you ask my mom she will tell you they were the worst for me--I was 18 and asking her to ground me or something just so I could get out of them! She would load me up on Tums, Pepto, or some other stomach soother because I was a nervous wreck about to vomit every single time. They were so uncomfortable, and it is SO draining to try and keep your best foot forward all the time when really you just want to say "Look I am looking to get married, have kid, and I can often be bitchy, bossy, and I HAVE to have things my way", but then I would never have a second date--probably not even with Pete. When I became Aimee Dos Santos there was no worries about squirming in my seat and thinking about first impressions. I would no longer have to be anyone other then me!

Just when I thought dating was over for me--I had a kid. Suddenly I realized that the world of motherhood and making friends is the SAME game, without the expectation of marriage or babies in the future. When your baby is first born you become DESPERATE to befriend any mother going through the same experience, even women you wouldn't give the day on befriending if they were not bouncing a baby on their knee. You start of the "first date" with mild talks about motherhood--NEVER admitting that you had nights you thought about leaving your child on the in laws door step! Then it moves to more about you, and less about the kids, and you weed on the women that don't "fit" your "dating" style. Lastly, the tricky part comes in, will the husbands get along? It adds an entire other level to this new motherhood dating scene. As the kids get older you become more mindful of the friendships you are making, and the kids in which you want your child to be around. Suddenly even your child has a say in the relationship, because he/she too likes certain kids "better than" others.

This leads me to my park experience this morning. I went on a whim just to tire out the toddler. I didn't refresh my make-up, or make sure I was wearing something cute. I didn't intend to work the playground like I used to work a bar. The mingling, and hustle-bustle of checking others out seems so foreign to me. Then I arrived there and realized, maybe I should of beefed up the cuteness factor(thankfully this kind of dating means no need for a push up bra), because apparently the playground is the next speed dating. Speed dating because you have only moments to speak with a mom in the vicinity of the kids--then your kid wants the swings instead of the slide and suddenly you are onto another mom. How can I come up with something witty and memorable in 30 seconds time? Should I start printing out a resume of sorts on reasons you might wanna be my mom friend? The entire thing is ODD but very exciting. I suddenly realize I can make more mom friends in town other then the ones I already have and adore. That I can expose my kid to other kids he might like, while I expand my social horizon.

This brings me to Miles' mom. This is the second time I have seen her at a playground (two different ones I might add in a months time). I wanted to go up to her and say "remember me from that other park?". Instead I played it cool. Soon she was around my area and I asked her how she was.  I don't think she remembered me since she asked me the standard speed date questions--how old is your son? Does he do _____? and info about her son I already knew from our previous conversation. Apparently at our first meeting I was NOT memorable. Luckily we chatted longer this time and she let something slip out she said: "Oh Sh@# the exercise women is here".  I ask her what this is about and she says this women comes to this particular park everyday and does push ups on the benches, pull ups on the bars, and lays on the slide and does bicycles in the air. She then says to me, "Does she have to do it here for all of us moms running after toddlers?--I know that is mean of me to say--but come on"--I laugh and think that is Sporty were here she might be making me do the same thing! We talk about other stuff--including how her kid says NADA like mine did at his age (he is about 5 months younger then Rylan), and how boys are rough and don't listen. Miles and Rylan smile at one another and follow each other around while tossing wood chips in the air. We make funny jokes at one another about fitness b*tch (as she refers to her)--and I think to myself--this is someone that is my style! She wasn't wearing a cardigan sweater with pearls to the play ground, and wasn't trying to be someone she is not. I wanted to "formally" introduce myself. Instead I thought maybe I would run into her again, and maybe I would be memorable this time round! Rylan wanted to go on the swings instead of hanging on the slide like her son, and I put Rylan on the swings while saying "You are making it hard for Mommy to make new friends if we are secluded over here"--and I thought to myself--this is TOTALLY like dating.  As she was leaving she waved from across the speed dating park, and I yelled at her "now go home and work out"--she laughed and said "this kid IS my work out". And I thought to myself...I hope I see that cool chick at the park again. The other moms there.....OLD and BORING in button down polo shirts! I would like to note however-I did test them out too. Apparently I am going to have to go to the park more often now and weed out the fun ones!

Still I must saying--dating for a mom friend is SO much easier then dating for a husband! I didn't even NEED a Tums!

Love Deeply and Live Life Completely

Somehow in the midst of sadness around losing someone I loved, I have found a few light bulb moments about life and death.

 The old saying "Life is short" seems to be true, even if you have lived till you are one hundred. I mean let's face it, I am thirty-one, and most days I still feel fifteen wondering how I suddenly became someones wife and mother! On a recent vacation I had asked Pete's grandmother about this thing called age. She is a wise, fun lady, that never shows her age other than her white hair! After losing her husband this year, she can not grasp why life has to be so short. She told me a long laundry list of risque stories about family and friends of theirs doing "not so honest" wild and crazy things. I asked her if she "feels old", and she said she still feels like she is in her thirties (she is well into her eighties)! Do we all have the Peter Pan syndrome, or is it that our time on earth is for such a short glimpse that in a hundred years our time is really equal to one soul life? It makes sense since often we say things like, "My God _____ got so big--has it been 10 years since I have seen him?", or say "Wasn't it just the other day I gave birth to this kid? (who is now a teenager)". 

With this I have also thought of the years I spent with my grandfather. My entire childhood wrapped up with him in it. A part of my history died with him the other day. Memories of me only he would remember are now gone. I began to think about this and the presence each person puts in our lives. If you asked every person you ever knew to tell you their fondest memories of you--there would be no two the same. Granted not every person we came across in life would speak with fondness, as being human has brought a great deal of faults, but how cool is it to think about the imprint we have made from day 1 to day 2187430790 here on earth.

I also know this just between family members talking about my grandfather, that each of us have shreds of common memories, and many many different ones. 

This of course led me to do what I do best, and turn a bit inward and dig deep. I thought of major moments in my life and the people in them in both good and bad. I thought about unfinished business, words I would love to say, and the fact I totally slacked on my Project Say letters. I thought of things I have beat myself up over throughout the years, bad choices I had made, and people I had hurt along the way. I thought of the apologies I should shed, and the apologies I am owed by doing wrong and others doing wrong to me. I thought of people I loved that are very much still alive at this very minute, that I will never have the joy of seeing their smiling face again just because of life and losing touch is to easy. 

The course of life is one nobody can quite understand to it's fullest. We do not know when a baby is born what they are thinking, or what one sees or doesn't see when they are passing--all we DO know is we can live our lives the best we can, and make amends while we have the moment, and say I love you while you are still present.

One of my best friends who grew up with me since childhood gave me the best compliment I think I ever have been told. She told me that I am rare, and that I love deeply and completely. That everyone that has been in my life and loved by me, has been loved to the core (whether they know it or not --now that is a different story). I thought about this, and how often I am caught wearing my heart on my sleeve. I always thought this was a bad quality to have until she said this. Now I feel like isn't that what life is about...to love deeply? and to live life completely?

Remembering the Good things in Life

This weekend we went to Rhode Island to see the family and offer some comfort with our best HAPPY tool--our giggly toddler. Rylan and his cousin Ava seem to be just what the Dr. ordered to lighten the heavy hearts from the week. We celebrated my grandfathers life the way he would have wanted--we told many stories of him, and shared many laughs as a family (since it isn't often we get to see one another). My grandmother had a chance to leave the nursing home and enjoy the sunshine filled day with her daughters, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  The weekend was filled with Rylan watching his cousin Ava with endless admiration and loving eyes, LOTS of playdough, hugs for all, some running around at the playground, hours and hours of pool swimming, PLENTY of FOOD and WINE (after all it was a family event), and two very mild rides to and from Rhode Island with a calm toddler in the back seat (This is good news since we will be returning to RI in two weeks for Grampa's service). Here is some pics from this weekend:

Happy Cousins at the park

Static Cling Hair
Ava on the See Saw
Rylan discovers it too!

Cousins share a dip in the pool

Rylan all smiley on the see saw
Which "Kid" will win the race?
Loving the See Saw at Auntie "Kel Kel"'s School
Ava and Rylan

Rylan swings on the big boy swing

Rylan cheers up his Grammy
My beautiful grandma and her lovely daughters
Auntie "Kel Kel" (as Rylan called her this weekend) and Ry 
Rylan and Grampy ("Bampie") take a dip

sniff sniff sniff

A flower delivery came on Friday and this is how we enjoyed them:

Rylan takes the saying "take time to smell the roses" quite literally.

This weeks "Beach Wednesday"

Using up every last moment Summer has to offer at the beach!

Rylan's first Snail Find
Practicing his pitch
The best FRIENDS photo of the Summer
The Beach never gets old for these two--the would spend weeks there if we let them.

In Moving Memory Of Grandpa

We Will Miss You!

Dear Grandpa,

Today the sun was shining bright and you decided to join it. A place we all dream of being, a place we all will call home someday. You are probably sitting in between the ocean and a golf course, listening to Lawrence Welk, with your shades on in your flannels, and feeling better then you have in years. 

Today was a sad day for your family. Those of us here try to wonder what life will be like without you. Who will make us chowder? Clip endless amounts of coupons for bargains and fill all of our fridges or send your grandkids to college with 150 cans of tuna to last all four years? Who will tell us a good joke (even if it is a little dirty)? Who will offer us canisters of cheese balls? play poker? or take us for a good meal at captain jacks? Who will file anything and everything, and label the world? Who will grill us kielbasa on the grill down at Jamestown, or fill us in on the latest Red Sox game? Who will write me notes about how proud you are of me and my accomplishments--and clip every article that ever held a family members name? Who will love chocolate more then you? or have your smile or your laugh? ....there are too many reasons to miss you. After all if there was no you, there would be no us. 

The thing about those of us who are still earth bound is we do this silly thing called grieving when we lose someone we love. We can not fathom how to live life not seeing our loved ones face, or being able to hug them. Silly us, we don't realize that those who have gone home are in every atom that is our very being. That we all came here to execute a mission of sorts, and finish the job here for God. You just beat us all in the race. We should be really celebrating this fact--as we would a birth or a promotion. You lived your life, and impacted many. Since you did this, all of us can not help but remember the memories we had with you, and think of the last time we saw you.

The last time I saw you, you were smiling more then I have seen in years. You were so happy to be beside grandma, and continued to tell her how much you loved her. It was as if you had refound the reason you spent so many years with her, and the love that stayed still through the test of time. You offered us chocolates, and watched the great grandkids play about. What a gift it was for me to be able to see you bask in the glory of seeing your great grandkids? I had to take a picture of you and grandma with the kids. It was a moment to remember. A moment I will hold with me until I join you at the finish line. 

The best gift you ever gave me was your bible that was passed down through your family. You gave it to me for my baptism, since I had chosen to become an Episcopalian, and you were the only other family member in the family that was too. You wrote me a special note, and I know that this small leather bound book, will be a part of your history always in my home.

We will all miss you. We will all remember special things you taught us, or moments we had with you. We will all be happy to see your smiling face again someday.

Love You Boppa!

Aimee

A Moment To Feel

warning: serious post

From the darkest place in me I have been struggling to find words, while trying to keep my secret safe. I forget that writing this blog is what frees me of heavy times, and that I can not run and hide from it. I seriously did not want to write this post, but felt I had to.

Months ago I wrote this post about going to the Dr. and discussing my massive obsession with having another baby. I felt amazing that day. That I could now give it to the Dr. to figure out and that I had no worries. Soon after that time in my life I also started to work out and not focusing so much on fertility charts. Suddenly this month it all came back to me and I started to think and feel the way I did when I wrote this and this (which by the way are my three favorite posts I ever wrote because I wore my heart on my sleeve in these). Lately I have been feeling I am in a corn maze of trying for baby number 2 with all of my fellow Mom friends and they are exiting all fine with bouncing babies on their knees, and I am still trying to decide if I should turn left or right to exit. 

If you have ever struggled with fertility issues I know you feel my pain, because quite frankly no one else can. It is the ONLY thing in life you have absolutely no control over other then death. If you are fat and want to get skinny you have the ability to, if you don't like your job and want another, you can control that.....when it comes to making life you have ZERO--zeltch--nada power and the same with life's endings. It is frustrating, draining, and so massively damn hard not to get pissed off at your body that will not work the way you want it too. It is isolating and lonely, when you are dealing with such a subject and unable to talk freely of it without people squirming in their seats, and putting their two cents in about how lucky you are to have one already.

It is almost a year since I miscarried. A long...very very very long--trying to conceive year. At this point it isn't about wanting a baby NOW NOW NOW...it is about not being ABLE to have one, and fears that I might not ever. Sure--you say--I am lucky to have one, and it might make one think I am being a little greedy and selfish, but if you have ever been in my shoes you will know the torture. It is not an internal flame I can just blow out. 

If I hear another person ask me when I am going to get off my butt and have baby number two I am going to SCREAM! If someone else tells me it will happen when I least expect it I am going to blow! If one more kind, sweet, soul tells me I should love the kid I already have and ride the rainbow instead of the roller coaster, I will flip. 

This month I had all the signs. Sick to my stomach, tender breasts, extra sleepy, and crampy. I was sure. I was so massively sure that when I went to take the sixth pregnancy test in a matter of days, that when it came up negative that tomorrow it would read differently. I told myself over and over again how I didn't test positive with Rylan until the day after my missed period.  And then.....it was obvious I was not going to test positive, and that my body was playing tricks on my mind.

And suddenly I fell again....

I have a right to be angry, and sad. I have a right to feel upset when I see pregnant bellies and newborn babies. I still, even after a  year, have the right to grieve that fact I lost a life inside me. And I certainly have the right to want life to grow there again.

So please...just give me a moment to feel, and in a few days I will be fun Aimee again who writes blog postings that make you laugh and isn't so darn serious...

for now....this is serious. And I hope writing this finds someone out there who needs to hear they aren't alone in it either.

Bow to your partner and doo see doo

On Saturday Rylan was in his barnyard heaven when we went to the Bridgewater Country Fair! It was alot of fun minus the knee deep mud! Since we did two days in a row of farm animals activities, Rylan now thinks every time he leaves the house he is going to see a cow and yells for it!

Rylan is cool with the sheep as long as they don't BA in his face--then he cries

Holding onto his Dad around the loud tractors
He wasn't afraid of the tiny goats!

Laughing at the goose
Look I found a DUCK
Daddy, Rylan, and a pretty horse
Mom wants a picture and I wanna go see the sheep

Lots of COWS

Petting a cow--but a bit scared about it
He was shaken in his boots when he saw this one:
checking it all out
Yey A PIG (it was so muddy there that we ALL felt like pigs)

On Friday I took Rylan to our local grocery store (Stew Leanards) which has a FREE little farm out front that Rylan now wants to frequent everyday. It is perfect for when I want to spent mommy/son time, AND quickly TRY to grocery shop soon after, at the same time (it doesn't always work so nicely, as he often wants to stay with the ducks)

Pretending to be a Cow

I love the Cock-a-doddle-do

I Spy A Duck

and a Rooster!
Rylan doesn't understand why the sleeping sheep isn't "Ba"'ing
On the go running between animals
Hi MOM I am a sheep!

Silly Goose

The Path Of Fitness Or Saggy Butts?

Here is the fact: I have been slacking off in the work out department and I am lucky that Sporty Spice still hearts me!

I haven't been feeling right this week, and instead of working it like a wanna be skinny girl should.....I opted for choice B and took lots and lots of naps this week.  I tried hard to cover up such admissions when writing my daily dialogue with Sporty--luckily she is already on to and WELL versed in my bullshit, and urged me not to fall off the path of fitness and onto the fat road of brownie and saggy butts.  There is a few things I tell myself every time I get to this place of "I don't wanna work out" nonsense--one being of course I don't want to let my dear friend, or MYSELF down, the other being I didn't work my ass off for the past few months to throw it all away and be depressing larger then I would like to be. I am SO over fat Aimee. She is dead to me--even though I still share her love of food. In the end the only real excuse to NOT exercise is as follows:

1. puking and the runs --if you have them at the same time it is hard to coordinate that, never mind a decent push up

2. in the hospital --it is hard to run in the halls with a opening in the back (nobody needs to see that)

3. Just had a baby--because lets face it--you are lucky if you pee and eat never mind MOVE

4. Death (although I am sure they have plenty of fields to run in heaven)

5. Your goal is to get Richard Simmons to come to your house and save you by removing a wall--because people--if I don't incorporate a healthy life style now, it won't get better, just harder and potentially unreachable.

This brings to me today. Why did I decide to get off of my sag ass and put the rump in motion?

1. Sporty calling me on my potential bullshit

2. Rylan driving me a bit crazy and me needing alone time

3. GREAT FREAKEN MUSIC

Pete came home from work tonight and it was raining. He thought I was a bit off when I handed over the toddler and told him I would be back. Yes my fellow friends, I walk/ran in the RAIN. At first I said I wouldn't go too far, until the music starting pumping and I began to feel inspired. I went the entire way. People started honking (and wondering if this women running in the rain was a nut job), and I waved. Four songs that helped me make it:

1. Coldplay --Viva La Vida (this song has been my work out anthem this summer)

2. Switchfoot-Dare you to move

3. Kanye West-Stronger (perfect for when I wanted to give up and turn around in the midst of a down pour)

4. All American Rejects -Move Along

When I got home Pete had said he was just about to jump in the car and make me come home. I came in and made my way downstairs for a little bit of weights and cardio mix, and felt like I ruled the world, at least for a moment.

It is hard to stay on the right path, and forget about the road of brownie and saggy butts, but I think I can say---truly say--that more often then not I am doing my very best to fight the good fight.

Family Obsessions

Rylan's new obsessions:

-Finding Nemo (except for the shark part which he must have an adult to hold onto)

-Play-doh 

-Watching the ducks and laughing at their quacks

-Pointing out every truck, digger, or bus that drives by us while in the car

-CapriSun 

-lollipops in stores (it calms the beast and gives me an entire 30 sec. to get what I want & go)

-Talking (finally he is up to about 40 words)

-being a parrot and trying to say and do everything I do

-Music (partially Little People cd's) and dancing

-looking at pictures of himself as a baby

-muffins

My new obsession:

-Eddy's slow churned Raspberry Royal Chip ice cream (1/2 the calories) 

I can not get enough of this stuff! I was on sale last week for buy one gallon get one free and it took all of me not to fill my freezer downstairs with about 40 gallons. I am guessing I would have been a little sick of it come gallon number 15. 

-Christmas Pasta. I usually only make and eat it at Christmas time, but found some of the sauce in my freezer while cleaning it out to make room for ice cream :-) We ate it tonight and I could not stop the bowls --you must try this sauce 

it is by far the best sauce I have ever eaten, and made me look forward to the next Christmas Eve when I make it! 

Pete's continued obsession:

-Soccer.

Dear Blog, I LOVE you

Thankfully, after and hour of digging up posts, I found countless pictures I was able to download! My blog has saved a few months of my sons life being photographed and not lost! Hip Hop Horray for the blog world!

Beach Wednesday Rocks the Momma's World

The good news is I looked at the forecast for today and canceled Rylan's play therapist appointment and moved it to tomorrow in order to have BEACH WEDNESDAY!

Thanks god for this. 

It was the perfect day (besides the fact when I went into the water something slithered under my foot and between my toes at an attempt to get out--and well I freaked alittle. I told Christina it may be a sea snake--and the poor face on my worrisome victim...I am surprised she even put a toe in after that). The boys were so well behaved--sharing, hugging/kissing, and staying near the mom's (who worked very very hard at their jobs today by sitting in chairs catching rays). 

A few moments I wished I caught on film but didn't--Christina drinking from her sons sippy cup (in public mind you--and people STILL talked to her after and didn't think she was crazy for drinking out of a digger sippy!), Christian putting on his moms chapstick and demanding kisses after each time--he even landed one on an unsuspecting Rylan, Christina's beach cart falling apart as she goes chasing for the wheel, and me going into a local deli with a rumpshaker beach cover up on hoping the general public realizes we have been to the beach and that Rylan's mom is not a skank hoe! (at least not on Wednesdays)

side note: A little silver lining from yesterday--I am thankful to have realized I saved a number of pictures from our Rhode Island trip on my camera in hopes to eventually print them out for family---luckily I can not have them saved (and backed up) on the new hard drive

Finding shells on the beach which he calls "pitty" for pretty

Christian wanted to feed and hug the seagulls, and they ran far from the blondie boy.
Friends since they were born.
Sharing everything--even snacks.
Christian Cheesen

I want to go school shopping

This time of the year is when I start to question the grass being greener, and begin to miss the career women I used to be.

My heart skips a beat when I see folders for ten cents, and Ticonderoga pencils on sale (the ONLY pencil I would recommend to my 3rd graders).  The malls are beginning to bustle with kids getting new clothes for the upcoming year. Teacher friends are already back working on preparing their rooms, and unit plans for the year ahead. The weather is cooling off as a very BIG sign that summer is soon coming to an end, and the local high schools already have cheer leading practice outside. 

The first day of school for the past two years I have woken up with my child on my lap feeling very blessed to be able to be with him, but torn. I miss the classroom. If I could bring Rylan with me I would have been back already (Maybe not all the way to the Bronx, but somewhere).  The thing that makes teaching an exciting career is that every year is NEW, and you have the ability to really make a difference in some little lives. As I write this I think it is the same for parenthood--every year is very different then the last, and being able to be home really does make a large difference.  Someday I am sure I will be back to work eating these words of wonderment....but for now...the first day of school is still one of those days I think, "am I doing the right thing?". For Rylan and I, I am for now, but someday in the near future I hope to go back to being a great teacher.

In the meantime, my dear friend reminded me today, I will be enjoying the month of September on the beach with my son!

Talking Smack About MAC and the Genius at the bar

Where have I been? I know you have been wondering.

No place fun I assure you.

I have been to the bar. Not the good kind either.  No drinks, no hang overs, no friends to talk to.

Just when I was falling in love with my new Apple Mac book, and we were starting to get over the hump of getting to know one another--the unthinkable happened--and just like anything in the circle of life--it croaked. 

After an hour on the phone with the help desk it was told to me that the diagnosis was grim and it would have to be handled at my local Genius Bar located at a local Apple Store. Of course my initial thought was first my dang cell phone dies, and NOW my computer! NOBODY let me near any electronics--apparently my karma has been electronically messed up. Then went to the lengthy "oh shits" of possibilities if I am without a computer for days AND if I lose everything I love on it. Lastly--I didn't want to walk into the freaken Genius Bar--have you ever been into one of those Apple stores? You can not get out without spending at least an hour in there with about 100 people deep. Let's keep this in mind since I did it with a screaming two year old.

(a saint I know. What I will do in order to blog is amazing)

So after a half hour wait AFTER the time I had an appointment for, and 30 minutes of a screaming toddler yelling "BYE BYE" to anyone who would listen---My sweet little Apple that I have only had since last Christmas, was read it's last rites. The hard drive was shot. I had lost months and months of Rylan's pictures--INCLUDING his 2nd birthday. (thank the good lord I own a little blog that has some of my favorite pics on it). Since it was under warranty they offered to install a new hard drive (hence me being able to blog right now), but the bastards could do nothing about retrieval of any previous information unless I gave them the Benjamen's! I know it was my job to back everything up---but I didn't expect that my brand new baby of a computer would have a faulty hard drive! 

Normally I am an avid lover of Apple--but COME ON--this computer is practically brand new and all you could do for me is say "sorry it was a faulty hard drive, and we can replace it". What about, my dear Apple friends, the months of iphotos that included my smiling toddler, the endless amounts of cd's uploads, and songs purchased on itunes, and so on and so forth! 

I am happy to have a computer back so quick don't get me wrong, (they fixed it within an hour), BUT I think with the amount of Benji's these cost these days they should be a little bit more willing to stand behind their less then a year old product! (if you are reading this and from Apple--please feel free to explain this in the comments section)

Well the day is done....and I survived a day without the computer expectantly, and the Apple Store that I loathe going in (especially with a toddler).

Tomorrow I will get right back in business and write you a post minus the computer bitching, and hopefully NOT including any other electronic device in my household that decides to shit the bed.

Things I love about today:

1. Watching Rylan hold a baby chick oh so gently, giggling when the ducks quacked, and loving his free stickers from Stew Leonard's by adding it to his vocabulary ("sick-ah")

2. Bringing in my cell phone to Verizon and thinking the worst! It wasn't working and I was positive I wasn't up for an upgrade yet---and then what do you know I am still under warranty and wallah...I got a new phone with no hassles.

3. Window shopping without toddler is mindless fun that we all need sometimes.

4. Seeing pictures from college that I had never seen before posted on Facebook! I laughed my hiney off, and began to remember the good ol' days when I had sticks for arms and a 6 pack made from eating junk!

5.  Lobster Roll. My how this brightens the very DARK fact that the end of summer is coming.

6. The best song on earth which gives me goose bumps every time I hear it, and makes me miss every friend I have ever had. I can not listen to it just once---whenever I play it, it is played at least twice if not three times in a row. It was the last long played at our wedding for a reason--and makes you want to gather all those you love in a room and eat, drink, and be merry!

(Dave Mathews--Tripping Billies --ROCKS MY WORLD)

7. Listening to shake your booty rap while trying to rid the booty. As I walked in the neighborhood this evening, I decided I was in the mood for some old school "drop it like it hot" --"My milkshake brings all the boys to yard" music. As I was listening to 50 cent's "Just a lil' bit" and feeling the need to "shake what my SON gave me" (as I told friends this weekend--it isn't what my momma gave me --because I wasn't born with bootie--I got it from the KID), I began to reminisce about Bermuda. This song was a hot one when my friend Kim got married, and all of her bridesmaids (including me of course) tore up the dance floor.  It wasn't the first for this gaggle of gals--who are by far the funnest bunch of ladies to ever live. SERIOUSLY. Most of them are Mom's now--and they still know how to party, have fun, and bring sexy back to motherhood. It almost makes me want to pack my things and move to Bermy myself, before I am put in the mental ward for gyrating tree's in my neighborhood just because I love me some hip hop! I miss dancing. I want to go to Bermuda and dance with the ladies!

8. It is Sunday and Pete is coming home tomorrow. We miss him alot. I do need to note that it has been an enjoyable time bonding with Rylan in a different way then the norm this week, but I SO look forward to going back to sharing the hard work of raising him, and of course having my husband around.

A Social Bug With A Mouth Full Of Munchkin

The recipe for making a weekend fly by is keeping busy.

On Friday Rylan was happy to join his grandparents for pizza and a sleepover, while his mother was overjoyed to spend time with the ladies for food and drinks. It is also interesting coming home to our house without husband or child, but I spread out in bed and had no need to turn my "mom ear on".

Saturday I was able to wake up and head out for a walk without worrying about timing it in order for someone to be home to watch Rylan. It was great and I felt like, if just for a moment, as if I was on my own vacation. It soon ended after a few great ipod tunes and a few miles later, when I came home to a mess in the backyard thanks to the pesky critters in the woods getting into our garbage AGAIN. I even set up boobie traps this time that included bungie cords, and stuff. Still these Harvard grads, figured out how to get in. I have seized fire, and moved the garbage in the garage now.

When I picked Rylan up we headed for my "normal" run through Dunken Doughnuts (no I didn't have a bagel so there is no jumping jacks needed). I was unaware of the habit I have created with my child, because apparently he too is addicted. Every now and then I would splurge and get him a chocolate munchkin, and now it is expected. He is like "hey momma if you are going to feed your coffee addiction, you need to fill my doughnut addiction". He can not even wait to eat it before pulling away from the drive through. Naturally the people that work there know me by now, and now give him a BONUS one for free. So today I gave him ONE at the drive through, saving the other for later. I come home and put my bags down, to turn around and find that Rylan went into the D&D bag and helped himself to the extra one! And so it begins....nothing is getting past him, not even a Dunken sign.

After a three hour nap, in which I got to sneak out during thanks to Uncle Charlie coming to sit while I went to a tag sale in "hopefully" my new neighborhood (where I got GREAT sales on Stampen Up! items for a great price since I told them I was buying the house a few houses down), we headed off to Noah's 2nd birthday party! And this my dear friends, is where my kid baffles me. The other day I was 100% sure he was shy, and not social. Apparently it has everything to do with the kids around him, and the environment. Certain kids he hits it off with, and becomes this kid that LOVES to play. Luckily he really took a liking to Sporty Spices kid (although the jury is still out if it is mutual or not), and he also went over to Noah a few times to intermingle and NOT hit, push, or kick. Sure we were in his favorite surroundings being outside, and he DID have a three hour nap, but I am starting to think I need to have my kid interact with more boys, because apparently they like all the same things (rocks, diggers, dogs, trucks, and air planes in the air). At one point I also saw him intermingle with other adults he has never met before, which was even more baffling since he never ever does this! And on top of that HE ATE--he NEVER eats at social affairs!  So I am happy to report...my kid MAY not be as antisocial as my last post reported---it all just depends (just like the rest of us) if he wants to be there or not, and if he feels comfortable.

Here are some pics of the weekend so far:

Do you know the Munchkin Man the Munchkin Man the Munchkin Man

Mom's Night out at Bluu in Danbury
Rylan checking out his own Scrapbook

The Birthday Boy:

Lucas looking like he is on his way to Maragritaville
Rylan checking out Noahs Loot
Lucas hamming it up while Rylan takes a swig
Rylan watching Noah open gifts

Lucas blowing his horn