Jet Plane

I am in utter denial about going on a plane to a foreign country,away from my kids, for an entire week, in about 8 hours. I think it is better I stay in such a state in order to avoid nerves ruining my stomach.

There is something so different from a four and a half flight to Aruba (although being foreign and away from kids) verses a seven hour flight to London (midnight flight I might add). I am just praying my motion sickness bracelets work, I get a few hours of sleep, and that my mother inlaw figures on Skype at the end of the week for us to see the kiddos! (Thank You universe for the creation of Skype)

The anticipation and excitement about the ability to wander an unknown city, and do what we like with no time limits or responsibilities are full of awesome. I keep thinking about the ability to sit in cafe's, pub's, etc..., and sitting in complete silence in massive cathedrals (both things I could not do with two kids in tow).

I am going to miss those two kids running around that are an extension of who I am, and what makes me, me.

We are off on a jet plane. A plane without a child on our lap, or playing a kiddie movie, or worrying if we have enough snacks.

Even with the worry, the missing, the anxiety,... parent breaks are so worth it.

Camera Problems Right Before I leave--OH MY

While worrying all day about my rumbling stomach, I ran about packing all last minute items. I did the usual plug in all cameras batteries for max juice, and cleaned out old photos to make room for beautiful European ones.

Except... My loving Rebel is being an a**hole.

I got this camera and use it only for the best of occasions. It is barely used, and always tucked safely in it's case. It's only a little over a year old and ..... IT IS BROKE.

The freaken flash isn't working, and after calling the help line it was determined it has to be sent in.

I think I might cry.

It will take pictures without the flash, but I am wondering how many of those will I actually take? The man on the phone told me to put on my "photographer hat" and get creative with it. Funny...I don't own one of those hats!

My face is so hot, red mad it might just pop off. And I am so sad. I will not have the pictures of the Eiffel tower at night that I dreamt of.

Holding My Breath

I am trying hard not to kiss that cute little girl that keeps walking by me saying "Wuv ooooo". I am also trying to wash my hand vigorously, and take my vitamins.

It is possible? Could I possibly avoid the dreaded stomach bug that just rared its ugly head in our home today. Yes, today, the day before Pete and I jump on the red eye to London tomorrow night.

Mind over matter they say.

So here I am trying to convince myself my stomach is feeling absolutely fine.

Gurgle. Gurgle.

That I am totally going to avoid this, and be fine. Hopefully sweet pigtailed girl will be too, so that I don't have to leave feverish, sickly babes behind.

I am going to try and hold my breath until then.

Travel Is A Priority

I grew up in a state that didn't believe in traveling. A state that moaned and groaned about going from one end of it to the other, even though we were the smallest in the union. You could literally see the line from Massachusetts to Connecticut in forty-five minutes. Needless to say traveling out of the state wasn't really the thing to do growing up. Thankfully we were the ocean state, and had at least nice beaches to Summer at. Traveling wasn't a priority in my upbringing, and when I earned my "wings" I was about ten years old flying to Disney World for the first time (and my last until I was engaged to Pete).

Pete on the other hand traveled all of his life. He had traveled to Disney World more times then he could count. It was a priority in his upbringing even when times were tough. He grow up only a state away from me, but with an entirely different state of mind.

Rhode Island is weird. When I went to college forty-five minutes away from home it was a big, huge deal for friends and family to visit. When I moved to New York City years later, it was almost as if I moved to a different continent. Even now, living in Connecticut, a state away, I probably have had about two friends, and two family members visit in five years. Two and a half hours away seems a life time for Rhode Islanders. I oddly get it since I once was one, but now that I am out of the state I was born in, I sort of just think it is odd. I say this with love since I now vacation in the ocean state every year. However, my dear Rhode Islanders, I must tell you there is an entire world out there to see. OH and p.s. you will only live this life once.... so get to it! Drive three hours to NYC if you have never been! There is nothing like it!

So when I married Pete knowing he had an utter love for travel I feared for what I would be in for. I had traveled a few places as an adult prior to dating him, but certainly wouldn't consider myself a traveler other then being semi nomadic in my moving during my early twenties. I wondered what marrying into a family that not only believed in just one family vacation a year, but several, would look like. A family that would consider eating franks and beans for months in order to pay for such vacations. A family that believed the mentality that you work hard to play hard even if you are struggling (because let's face it in this economy most--if not all- of us are).

Fast forward to me being big and pregnant, teaching geography to my third graders in the Bronx. They understood that the Bronx was part of NYC, but there understanding of the rest of the world was completely lost. They had a hard time even understanding that there was other parts other then NYC in NY! I wished I could have had a field trip to the ocean state, and to Boston just to show them the world does not begin and end with the Bronx/NYC. I decided early on, thanks to this very lesson, my child in the womb would experience everything and anything available when it came to seeing this earth God created.

So we travel. A lot.

You would not believe the heat I get for it. I constantly hear "You are always on vacation", "Where are you getting all this money to travel?", "Where are you going this time", and "You are leaving your kids for longer then a weekend?".

We are far from rich. Luckily, not that it is anybodies business but I feel I have to clarify, we don't have to pay for them all. We decided that our family will cut other things that other people find valuable and a necessity. Traveling to us is just that... valuable and a necessity. I want to experience the world. I want to decompress. We all deserve to decompress! I want to teach my kids how important it is to experience things outside of there everyday world. I want my marriage to last, and therefore make time to get away for more then a night away in the same state.

Yes I will miss my kids terribly during this upcoming vacation. Just as I had missed them a few years back when we went to Aruba for five days and Addison was just five months old. I took a lot of heat for leaving my baby. My baby that was in very capable and loving hands. It is ok to leave your kids and get back to the two of you. It isn't selfish, it is actually a positive toward working on your family (at least this is how I see it). It is actually harder for me to leave Addison at 20 months then at 5 months because now she will notice I am gone, yet she is not old enough for me to explain we are coming back in a week. However, she is still in capable and loving hands, and will be fine.

While other families wouldn't dream of leaving their house on the weekends, or not seeing family, or missing church, we would not dream of missing travel. We all have our lists of priorities, values, and beliefs. My personal thoughts are that part of loving God is in fact travel, and seeing what this world has to offer.

We won't live this life again. It is my job to make sure my kids experience all that I can offer. We haven't won the lottery, we might have a ton of debt, and certainly we may be eating a lot of franks & beans, but darn it, when we die we can go out knowing we saw all that we could, and experienced all that we did, and that we took time to breathe.

Travel is not a luxury to us. Travel is a priority.

It is hard for people to understand this, I get it. I also get that they haven't seen the whole picture of how this works. Most of the people that make assumptions and judge, happen to be the same people who haven't either taken the time to see the whole picture, or don't know us well enough. It's ok. However, I am so sick of explaining it.

So here is this post. Explaining it.

What do you hold sacred as a family? Is it something other people often judge you for or make assumptions about?

My Husband Said The Sexiest Thing The Other Day....

I offered up Addison's crib and bedroom furniture to someone near and dear to me. I figured since this new baby will be born in October, Addison should be ready for a big girl bed by then. Not thinking Pete would care that I took this route I mention it to him after the fact. And he said: "What if we have another baby? We will need that furniture!". Seriously. The sexiest thing this man has ever said.

I love him. And the possibilities.

If Your Happy And You Know It...

I am sitting here feeling the sunshine stream in through the window, and listening to the birds chirp. Spring is coming, and I sort of feeling like running down my street screaming it! Except we can't exactly walk down the street (never mind run) since we are still waiting for the three feet sign of Winter to peace the F out. The big sign for me today that Spring was in and Winter so out, was the birds that like to inhabit our front window every year flew back in to start building a nest.

Dramatically with these few facts I am in a glorious mood other then that Winter funk I have been living in for weeks. Pete will be doing the happy dance soon enough because his wife will no longer be possessed by Winter blues. Granted this happiness could have something to do with the fact I will be on a jet plane a week from today to London. A few days after that I will be on a train to Paris. I mean who doesn't want to experience Paris?

Ok. Honestly after this Winter I would probably be willing to give up a limb to go somewhere tropical and sit on a beach and read a book. A book on a none kid vacation sounds so incredibly dreamy to me, never mind my toes in the sand. Who am I kidding, I would pick a beach vacation over a European one any day, any time of year. However, this vacation isn't about me, it is about celebrating my husband and his big 4 0! (yes we are STILL celebrating apparently you get a month of it when you get that old!)

He wanted to watch a soccer game in London and somehow I got him talked into a few days in London to a added trip to Paris. Regardless of my "I wish I had a beach" wishes, I can not wait to see both cities, and experience the sites with our great friends from Bermuda.

Hey wait a minute.... Bermuda has beaches. Shit. I should have talked him into going home with our friends!!!!

Alas.... we'll always have Paris. Although the only words I know in French are yes, beef, good morning, and penis. Don't ask. All I can tell you is it is very hard to learn French from Julia Child's cookbook. I am guessing the word penis is going to get me far when I am looking for the bathroom, or wanting someone to move so I can get by. I am totally screwed.

So we are off soon. I am sure we are going to love it. Yet this sissy Mom over here can't shake the feeling of "I don't want to leave my babies". There is something about going to Europe and being so far, that makes me so anxious and worried. I will worry about it over a chocolate croissant or a nutella crepe. I will eat both of these things even if I have to draw a picture to order them! I will also try to focus on it is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you only live once, and seriously the kids at Grandma's for a week--they are in HEAVEN (Oreo's for breakfast for everyone!). I will even suck up my fear of heights and get on top of the Eiffel!

Just when I thought nothing could top the fact Spring is coming, I am going on a kidless vacation, experiencing high tea, eating my way through Paris, etc., I found out.... A Whole Foods is coming to our area. I know you are thinking big freaken deal yo! Girl you are going to Paris! However, Whole Foods makes me gitty. May I remind you how much I love and adore food. We are soul mates forzille yo! I know it is pricey (as one of my very best friends likes to refer to is as Whole Paycheck), it will allow me to supplement my regular buying with things healthier for me and my family. My jeans are tight my peeps. I had to buy bigger jeans this weekend which is incredibly sad (mean mean Winter). Which means I need healthy--I NEED SPRING!

So CHEERS to Spring, London, Paris, and Whole Foods! Things are looking up. I am feeling good. So good I might have to get the entire plane to endure a round of "if your happy and you know it", because my homies... I am SO clapping my hands.

When I turn 40 we are going to a tropical island! It will be a group trip! I expect you all to be there! Who's in?

Dr.

As you may recall in December I was all big and bad with "I'm leaving's" and had big plans of starting out 2011 with way better health care for my children.

I had an idea on who I wanted to go with next and made an appointment. I heard raving reviews each time I turned around and talked of her. I when in to meet here and thought how lovely it was that she took time out of her day to chat with another potential family to add to her practice. I asked questions, and shared information. I left content yet not sold. My gut was just telling me "hold up wait a minute". I couldn't figure out why.

The next day I was kidless and sitting in the parking lot of the big practice my kids have gone to since they were wee ones. The papers were signed, I was ready to go, and then suddenly I panicked. I felt rushed, undecided, and worrisome. My gut was again telling me to hold off. So I did, and I drove off second guessing myself yet again.

There was a lot to think about. I still need research, and answers. I wanted to sleep at night with my gut telling me "you go girl", not "didn't listen to me again stupid!". I have been a wreck over this pediatrician decision for days. I was still not left with any settling answer.

Then today I was at a birthday party and an old Mom friend of mine informed me of something I hadn't known or asked about the doctor I recently interviews. She is not board certified! How can one practice without being certified! I find this disgraceful, and felt tricked! Isn't this something you should maybe mention to a potential consumer! This Mom friend was smart enough to directly ask the question a few years back. I had hoped I would come home and do some research on the Internet to find she has since changed her certification status, but she hasn't. It got me wondering do the rest of the people that go to her practice know this? And it also got me thinking about the things I don't like about the practice we go to now, but that they are ALL (and I looked up every single doctor) board certified. The other thing I felt the new person was dishonest with me about was that she in fact would charge me for the meet and greet we had (something else this Mom friend informed me of).

My gut always knows best! I need to trust it more! Thank God I listened to it that day at the parking lot.

So I am back to point A. I think I am going to call up the current practice and speak to their doctor about my concerns. I want someone there to know my kids names. I want adequate care that does not include any missed appointments because they have to many patients. I want reasonable wait times. Is this all to much to ask?

Sadly my options to move to someone else are minimum. There are a few other small practices that I have heard complaints about, and another large practice that seems like the same type of thing we are already part of.

What to do, what to do?

A Mothers job and worry is never done. I just want whats best for my kids.

Surprise!

It is not often one can actually pull of a surprise party from start to finish. What an incredibly hard task to complete, but YEY we did it! Pete hadn't a clue he was about to be surprised last weekend with a small gathering for his 40th birthday! In his mind we were going on date night with friends of ours and he was all upset we were running late because I "had to finish watching the rest of Intervention". You would think he would know me by now and that something was up seeing as I am never ever late, and yet I was stalling.

When we arrived we couldn't find parking at the steakhouse. He dropped me off at front even though I tried to stay in the car to try to hold his attention. I was so worried he would see cars he recognized with Rhode Island license plates and all of my hard work would be ended in the parking lot.

Alas.... it didn't. He walked right into our trap stunned, and oddly enough took his coat off right away:
We love our friends!
Pete's birthday cake was a HOT item of the night--this is a picture of Pete in Miami on Spring Break IN COLLEGE! He looks like he is 12! We all wondered what these ladies he posed with look like now!
We love our family too!
Pete was super excited to see s few of his favorite friends from Rhode Island in the house:
Grandma & Pete:
Pete with the rents' and the wifey
Us
Blowing out the cake and making a wish for more babies (at least that was my request)
Giving love to his buds
I must give a mad shout out to our friend Brian for providing some great pictures for the evening! Also to our friends & family from Rhody that went the distance to get here! If you are from Rhode Island and reading this you know how BIG it is for someone to actually LEAVE Rhode Island--none the less during a forecasted storm, and ice. It was just a true sign of what great, and valuable people you are for showing no matter what! And most of all...

Thanks for keeping the secret!

Now we are off to celebrate in Paris!

You Must Seek To Find

For so many years I yearned to find something that matched my memories. I thought it was my childhood imagination for the longest time, and at one point convinced myself that what I thought I saw didn't really happen. In early adulthood I read everything I could on the subject, and just wanted to know was it real or just my imagination like sparkly unicorns to a seven year old. I attended countless amounts of Sylvia Browne lectures in hopes of the ability to ask her the single most important question that loomed over my entire life since I was seven: Did I die and come back to earth?

As you all know that question was finally answered by the renowned psychic last Spring. At age 33 it was confirmed, my vivid memories were not sparkly unicorn like, but in fact real. Suddenly I began to want to seek out people that have been where I have been. I wondered if there are people out there that wouldn't laugh at my story, think it is odd, or question it.

Recently I found this program on BIO that has become something like my church/support group. The show is called I Survived... Beyond and Back. Every time I watch it I am in awe, and feel a sense of wholeness in knowing what I saw wasn't a total farce. The show makes me wish I had remembered more. Since I was so young, and told so many times that I was just being "silly" about what I saw, my memories faded, and all I am left with is small glimpses of the afterlife. Watching this show on weekly basis has reaffirmed so much, and makes me feel like there are more people out there "like me" then I had once thought.

On the heels of finding this awesome show this year, I have also learned a few pretty profound lessons already in 2011. Here is what I have been pondering the past few weeks:

*Never Say Never. God is in the drivers seat, you are the passenger. Just when you thought your life should be a certain way, or that you had all the control: BAM! something happens, and you are reminded you are only a passenger on this road of life.

*Prayers are answered easily when you have faith in them. I spent a rough night in deep prayer and in the end felt a weight lifted off of me. The next day I received a phone call with the answer to that very prayer.

*Miracles don't have to be drastic life changing events. They are the small things that makes you go "hmmm". The moments that redefine faith, and makes you realize some things are just unexplainable.

*Letting people know they mean something is key to living life in the moment. So much can happen in a day.

*There is nothing wrong with dreaming big, even if it includes sparkly unicorns! Sometimes all it takes for the universe to take you seriously is putting it out there.

*There is always someone in your shoes. God doesn't put you in anything alone. Just when I felt my story was so unique and that nobody would ever "get me", and entire SHOW is made out of it! You must seek to find.

And that is all of zen for now folks! Hope you find your prayers answered today, that you feel your not alone, that you live life today by saying "sorry" or writing a "miss you" note, and that you accept in your heart of hearts that miracles don't always happen to others, they happen to ALL of us, ALL the time.

You must seek to find.

BOYS Just Want To Have Fun

I have been up nights worrying that my son isn't ready for Kindergarten. I hadn't seen proof that he was doing the things his fellow four year olds were doing, and naturally I began to do what Mothers tend to... worry.
I decided to evaluate him myself, while prepping myself in case he could not do the things I asked of him. We started out with identifying letters. Lately he had been telling me the wrong letter for everything, so I had started to worry he had forgotten (last year he knew all of his upper and lower case letters in his 3's program). Silly me for even thinking he didn't know it, he just couldn't be bothered the other times I had asked him and would blurt whatever letter came to mind out. Next was the wipe board to try to make letters. I have yet to see anything at resembles his name, and then suddenly there was an "R". He is getting there. I also have never seen him draw (he isn't an art type kid AT ALL. He would much rather play on the floor with his buses and planes). I was convinced he would go to school not even able to form a stick figure and then came this:

Clearly I low balled by kid. It is also clear that my sweet son also would rather move on to fun, then be right in academics. The bonus is he is in fact a book worm.
Mother's and all their worry.... My boy just wants to have fun! I went to sleep soundly that night.

Family Update From Youngest To Oldest!

Addison:

Almost 20 months and quickly changing into her own toddler being, while the baby in her slips away. She fears nothing (which is why we are predicting she will be the one with all the stitches). Addie loves to eat, but has become to be a picky eater. She hates chicken and lasagna, but loves her Annie's mac n cheese. Her words are endless: "I want ___ "(fill in the blank with her need) "I sit" "More ___" (fill in word she wants more of), and the list of random words and sounds she makes is countless. While recently had the doctor we plan to switch from, he listened to her and turned to me and said "How old is she now?". My first reaction was to point him to the chart he had been writing in for the past 19 months, but instead I opted for just saying "19 months". He said "Her speech in incredible". Which really made me laugh since it was the SAME doctor that told me a month ago that the reason she screams so much is that she doesn't know how to express herself (more like she screams when she doesn't get her way!). She loves dress up, tea time, and playing buses on the floor with her brother. She named her doll "Baby GoGo" (after Yo Gabba Gabba) this month, and renamed fruitsnacks as "tee tee's". Addie is a lover a music and dancing. She also hates to take naps, never sleeps in, and would get up at the crack of dawn if we let her. She has a ball of fire personality, and continues to make sure her voice is always heard.

Rylan:

After our fear of bugs via Florida trip, I scrubbed the house from top to bottom while Addie "slept" (aka her 30 minutes of rest). Rylan got home and said "WOW Mom, Thank you. The house looks BEAUTIFUL. You are simply amazing. Thanks for changing my sheets, OH and the Valentines decorations are AWESOME". I nearly wept at his excitement and thought if house cleaning always brought this much appreciation and enthusiasm then I would be more apt to wanting to do it. He doesn't like to get messy, although he is the first to make a mess. He still eats barely anything, and could simply live on air and water if we let him. Rylan is still in love with snakes and planes. He currently is at the stage where he wants to hear stories about them. His imagination is in endless. Ry is such a love muffin. He often just comes up to me to hold my hand, tell me he loves me, or crawl in my lap. He continues to battle sleeping alone, and his Dad is still his roommate (any pointers out there are appreciated). His wish is to ride the NYC subway since he thinks it is astonishingly cool and amazing that I once rode that daily. He always wants his sister to come along, and is the first to wake her so that they can play. When he does something bad and you ask him why, his favorite answer is: "because I had to". He is still a mad lover of books, but continues to dislike anything to do with writing, and coloring. He will however (as you can see in the picture) willing to paint snakes.

Me:

no picture since I am the one taking the pictures :-)

I am certainly months older, and much heavier thanks to this wicked Winter. I continue to love Zumba, and want to take on kickboxing and meditation in the near future. I still have a goal to learn how to make some simple Indian dishes, and just found a local class to start out doing so. I am still subbing when I can (teachers are not really calling out when they have 20 snow days in a month!), and also considering other job opportunities that are possibly on the horizon. I am already starting to plan the kids June birthday bash (because I love themes and I can't wait for Summer). I am also planning a big ol' yard sale to purge as much as I can before we really start considering moving down South (yes we are still thinking about it!). I am still on the fence about baby #3, mainly because my baby isn't a baby anymore and it is giving my ovaries some "feelings". I am still addicted to Starbucks although they are sparing now a days since I have only left my house a few times this month thanks to our weekly Tuesday night snow storm!

Pete:

Pete turned the big 4-0 on groundhog day! We are gearing up for our trip abroad to celebrate with friends. He has also been home a lot since the storms have been so harsh this Winter. He is super serious about moving south and blowing this New England joint. He has worked very hard on our roof and gutters without falling, and has won a gold medal at snow shoveling. Rylan actually said: "Daddy is our hero because he is taking the snow off our roof and keeping our house safe". Pete is beckoned by his children to play an odd game every night called "boomba". Personally I don't watch since it entails kids bouncing on beds, and balls flying in the air (clearly he is the "fun" parent). The poor guy gets to sleep in his own bed about two nights a month when Rylan goes for a sleepover at Papa's. Pete is now blessed with sleeping with rubber snakes, and flashlights, and I am now blessed with waking him at 5:30 am as his alarm. The man can also live on air and water if we let him (ok MAYBE popcorn. Popcorn is his only vice). He's become a lover of The Zac Brown Band, and loves watching House. We have just got back to the point in tv season that all of the shows we both like are on, so that means we actually spend time together! We are loving Steven Tyler on American Idol! Pete continues to rock as my husband (had some hard days this Winter with illness and he took on my place)and friend, and is super awesome in the Dad department(clearly! Who wants to come over and play "boomba"). He is forty and fabulous!

Baby Got Back

It had been months since I stood there staring at that number. I assumed a way lower number then the one glaring back at me. The nurse announced it out loud, and I had the urge to look around me because certainly she wasn't talking about me. Every single pound I fought so hard to shed post Addison, was now back (and not new baby to show for it!!).

Oddly enough I have been feeling really good about the skin I am in lately. I haven't felt incredibly overweight, nor obsessed with losing it (obviously). I have kept up with Zumba, but have lacked in my ability to monitor food, and jumping on scales. I had mindfully decided to let myself go of the freedom to live weight obsessed free. I let go of the idea that is should define who I am, or that I should not enjoy the good things in life in order to be who I once was....skinny.

However, there has got to be a line drawn in the sand at some point. One can not live a life of ultimate endless buffet's , and calling remote control pushing a physical activity. The fact is when I was actively exercising (although I loathe it), I felt 1,000 times better. I had more energy, things fit better, and I felt I was in control of my life. You know what is in control of my life right now? Brownies. Oh so good, yet oh so bad.

I am on day 12,908 being snowed in (or at least it feels like it). I write to you while cinnamon buns are in the oven beckoning my mouth. This is how Winter is normally, but this one is practically heartless and evil. Every single week the skies open and Mother Nature laughs at all of us scurrying around at the grocery store to stock up and hunker down. We all think we are bears with needs of eating and hibernating. I make my 6,000th baked good that is a million calories. My mouth so loves snow days, and my ass is like "girlfriend you are so screwed when Spring hits". I haven't realized I am not in fact a bear, and that I don't need to gain extra fat to keep me warm, and eat extra to hibernate in the cold. I am just stuck in four walls with two crazy kids unable to go outside, unable to see sunshine, unable to get out of sweatpants, and apparently unable to stop making yummy things in the oven. Lets face it--who exactly is chopping up a salad right now with all this snow outside?

I need to find my happy medium. Something that is includes being less weight obsessed, but more conscious. I don't really mind being "over weight", but I do worry about that scary word "obese" that at my last physical I was on the brink of. Obese I always assumed to be those 500 pound peeps that had to get walls and doors removed and be saved by Richard Simmons. Nope. Obese is grimly closer then all of us over weight people like to acknowledge. Obese is an ugly, ugly word.

I wrote this post back in November and meant every single word of it. It was the moment I allowed myself to love me at size 16 as much (if not more) then I did at size 2. Even though I completely meant it all, I also realize I can't just give myself a "pass" because I want to "live life to it's fullest". It is just another excuse to eat an entire batch of brownies on my own, and to put another slice of cheese on my sandwich.

I am considering going back to a program for awhile like Weight Watchers. I also signed up for a possible chance to be a Nutrisystem brand ambassador through this ol' blog (which would totally rock my world). I always wanted to try something like Nutrisystem but always thought it would cost me to much money, or what if the food stunk and I spent hard earned money that could have been used on debt on food I ended up throwing out. What ever way I decide to jump on the band wagon again, it will be a healthy step forward to feeling better.

This Winter is literally sucking the life out of me. While in Florida and going out for a run in the morning, I kept thinking, God I miss this. I am counting the days until Spring emerges, when the sun is shining, I can be outside, and I will have no need to turn the oven on.

I long for the day I don't feel like "shhh'ing" the nurse. A day I want her to scream my weight out. A day I can both live life to it's fullest while not on the brink of obesity.

How do you stay motivated in the Winter? What seems to work for you? Do you find a healthy balance between being weight conscious verses weight obsessed?