Dear Heart,

***This post is part of a theme presented by the network BlogHer that I am part of--enjoy!!**

Remember when I was a child and tore out of a magazine add for Nike-Just Do It campaign about "wearing your heart on your sleeve". It was not only an inspiring little ditty, but one that, at a very young age, I identified with. 

I was born with a soft, open heart. I always wanted to do for others, and often forgot about what it meant to take care of you and me. I yearned to be heard and understood, but instead was easily mocked as "too sensitive" and/or "dramatic".  Really I was giving parts of you to others that didn't deserve you! 

When making new friends, or developing new relationships, I was always quick to jump with two feet in. My sense of loyalty, and the longing for forever, often found us both broken in the end. I often trusted others had felt the same about me, but in the end I was so very wrong.  I found that I was way to often abandon, and was never told why.

I sold you to anyone that was willing to take you for awhile. With the hope that I could convince them that we were "good enough" to stay for a lifetime. I continued to give you false hope that family, and friends would change and one day do for you what you needed from them. I even often ignored you when you were trying to direct me the right way, but I kept taking the wrong. 

I forgot how to protect you. 

Years down the road I have learned a little something or two about love. I have learned that all that I yearned for since I was a little girl with so much hope that others would just love me, started with loving myself. I learned that just because people are born with a heart doesn't mean they deserve to have a part of my heart. I learned that being part of you should be a privilege not a doormat. 

Although I still yearn to take care of others, and be there when needed, I have since learned that doesn't mean losing a piece of who I am. My soft, open heart, has hardened a bit. I gave it away to many times to way to many undeserving people that I try hard to "love less" and/or show less out of protection. The intensity of me was one I always thought of as a positive trait, but now see as a weakness. I am always waiting for those I love to leave because in my life that has been my experience. 

While growing a little heart in the womb that is inside me now, I think about what I hope that heart, and my other child's heart grows into. I hope they find balance in between the softness and the hardness, and do not experience the constant let down of trying to hard without it being reciprocal. 

We can love with abundance, and in many different ways. I don't believe I could love any other the way I do for my husband and kid(s). However the lesson learned over the thirty some odd years I have had you beating my chest is, we must love ourselves the way we love others, with intensity, and eternally, and that there is no harm, as long as you protect yourself, with wearing your heart on your sleeve. 

I promise I won't sell you out again!

Love,

Aimee

ALL MOMMY WANTS IS AN F'N NAP

Just when I think the Neti Pot has saved me--it has not. Just when I think I have this parenting thing in the bag--I don't. Just when I think I understand my kid--I am proved wrong.

I sobbed today. A good long sob on the phone to Pete who is trying to "handle" me while in his cubical and keeping his work voice on. I just couldn't do it today. I was done-done-done all by noon!

It began when I woke up today exhausted. I am battling this nasty cold or sinus crap, and could not wait until nap time. Yesterday nap time couldn't come soon enough for Rylan. He wanted to go down an entire hour early AND slept an hour later then normal too! I imagined he would be a repeat contender of this since he had restless sleep last night, and I think he is getting my cold too! Apparently my imagination had run wild because I was dead wrong.

I should smack myself for telling Pete last night that Rylan's naughty nighttime bed routine never happens during the day with me. The past week has been especially hellish getting "hell boy" to bed. He stores things in different parts of his room during the day so that he can get out of bed and play with them near his night light, he tosses pillows, blankets all around for disarray, jumps on the bed, walks in and out of the doorway to "peek" at his parents, and finds all of this amusing regardless of how tired he is. He loves to get caught and thinks it is funny, even when we shut the door and make him cry. Bedtime is just ugly in our house, just ugly.

Today nap time was too. All Mommy wanted was an F'N nap!!!! Instead I get hours of "hell boy" bed time menace! After two hours of this, I called Pete is hysterics. I couldn't breathe, my face hurts, my kid is screaming, and we are BOTH exhausted.

Eventually he slept for a whopping half hour, and I passed out too! However I woke up to him standing next to my door waiting for me to wake. I felt drunk since it just wasn't enough sleep for  a pregnant, exhausted, sick women. 

So I did what any smart women would do. I called the mother in law and pleaded my case. She of course offered her services, and that is great and all, but what isn't so great is when your kid refuses to leave the house!!!

So where does that leave us? Miserable at home. Waiting for the day to end and hoping for a better tomorrow.

Letten It Hang Loose!

Hangen Loose I think is every Boys motto isn't it?

I thought we had made a landslide when Rylan announced to me today that he didn't want a diaper, and was letting me know when he had to do #1 or 2! Perfect, I am thinking, we are on the way to self potty training! I break out the Diego, Thomas, or fire truck underwear and try to convince him to put them on. 

Nope. Rylan wants to be a nudist. This is what it is about--NOT about potty training.  He wants the freedom to dangle, to air our the goods, to feel less confined. 

Luckily after peeing on his favorite seat he realized he had enough "air" for the day, and took out a diaper. He lay on the floor and put it underneath and asked "Mommy please". Tomorrow I am sure he will try to go to the Mall, or a play with some peers without pants--for now I am just happy he was even aware of his bodily functions and I think I can work with it. 

Dear Neti Pot

I love you but you are gross.

After trying to find the right medicine that is "safe for suffering pregnant ladies", it was determined that it was becoming impossible to locate just plain old "Tylenol Sinus" or "Sudafed". Since now they all contain added medicines for different symptoms, which was leaving me being plain out screwed. I couldn't breathe, sleep, or taste, and frankly I was at my end.

So Pete brought home the Neti Pot. Many of our friends have raved about this item, but the item of sticking a tea pot in my nose, wasn't exactly what I imagined as being the "soothing" factor of my discomfort. Apparently I was wrong!

My first attempt I turned to tell Pete that I wasn't sure if I could continue, as the sensation was just odd. Luckily I felt crappy enough to try and try again. There is something about pouring crap into one nostil and watching it come out the other that makes you feel like the most disgusting person on earth. I certainly wasn't feeling "I'm bringing sexy back", more like humming the tune to "I'm a little tea pot". I also quickly learned that you have to be positioned just so, or you will find it filtering into the back of your throat which was making me gag. Once finished I announced I did in fact feel better, but I feel like my sinus area was feeling "heavier". Regardless of the heaviness I got to sleep like a baby, and woke still feeling WAY better then I did the day before.

Today's second attempt at the Neti was just as disgusting, but I am beginning to become a pro at position and soon found immediate relief. I started to wonder, could one become addicted to such things?

For a moment I thought about having a Neti party and showing all my friends how it works and why they should try it too! Then I thought, it would be over and I would have no more friends after witnessing me flush my sinus outta here! The fact of the matter is...I do love you Neti Pot, but you are in fact GROSS.

20 week Bump-A-Rama

This Is Where We Are Off To..

FINALLY we have made a great choice of vacation for our little BabyMoon!!!! We are off to this lovely, band new, all-inclusive resort! After lots of options, research, and price comparison, we settled on the Grand Palladium Lady Hamilton Resort and Spa in Jamaica! Needless to say Pete and I will be counting down until March rolls around and we are off to listen to some reggae, and enjoy sunshine!!!

side note: is it bad that I am looking up hospitals on this island for "just in case" immediate needs of a pregnant lady?

Wake Up Call

The worst is when you are laying in bed and it is 1 am and you STILL haven't fallen asleep even though you have been trying since 8:30pm! Thanks to a chest cold and a constant tickle in the back of my throat from laying down, I just couldn't sleep peacefully. You know when this happens the looming doom of a toddler wake up call is going to happen in just a matter hours! Just that thought keeps your mind racing about how much the next day is going to suck with trying to keep a toddler busy while a Winter storm is going on outside while managing to stay awake. OH JOY!

I thought I had at least til 7:30 am since Rylan decided to hold out for sleep in his bed last night until 9 pm (we put him to bed at 7:30 pm). However today he thought he would surprise me!  Usually when he awakes he hums, and talks in his bed for good 15-20 minutes, at which time I gather myself to roll out of bed and join him for snuggles. Today he decided to try something new!!!

He made NO sound. Instead he got out of bed and wandered in the dark, all the way downstairs to his play room like a ninja. I woke up hearing things moving downstairs and thought someone broke into the house! When I found Rylan I nearly peed my pants and tried to explain to him in toddler talk that when he awakes he needs to wake him Mommy too!  

As I began to envision him in the Dark trying to make it down the stairs, and falling down the hard wood stair case,  I decided Pete and I are going to have to put a new system in place. I am flabbergasted that the little ninja got by my room with my MOM ear! I hear everything all day and all night! 

Birthing Rights

I found myself stuck today watching a gaggle of Discovery Health shows on giving birth. After watching the infamous Rikki Lake movie "The Business of Being Born" last year, I seem to have found a fascination with the various ways of birthing, regardless of my personal beliefs. 

Years ago I watched a Baby Story while in high school that featured the first water birth I had ever seen. My sister and I watched it together, completely grossed out that this women's husband being in the water, and we couldn't help but discuss the "fluids" in there. I then kidingly declared that when I gave birth it would be in the water, and my sister would be the one in there with me. Of course when pregnant with Rylan I said to her "remember you are IN the water", and she of course "ewww'd", as that show seem to resonate on our brains forever.

Today I am not grossed out by the water birth. Personally I wouldn't want Pete in there, but after experiencing contractions I imagine it is much more soothing. I also imagine it is a peaceful way for the baby to enter this world, verses them being scalpeled out of you, and lifted into cold, sterile, operating room air, as both of my babies have/will experience. Secretly I am jealous of those women who can sit in a Jacuzzi tub and go 100% all natural. However, to be perfectly honest, I am ok with not being a tub filled with "fluids" other then water. 

The option I can not wrap my brain around, after having a traumatic, need for emergency c-section delivery with Rylan, is births being taken place other then a hospital. I have friends that have birthed babies in birthing centers, and at home, and have had wonderful experiences. For me, I am too much of a worry wort, and I am thankful to have a Dr. I trust with my life, and more importantly, my babies life. I fully support those that decide otherwise, unless it is in the case of "freebirthing". 

I have never heard of "freebirth" until today. Although I was shocked so many years ago by the water birth, and years later came around to thinking differently of it, I can NEVER imagine supporting freebirthing. If you aren't sure what this is don't worry, neither did I before today(here is the link)! I never thought this was legal, but apparently it is. Freebirthing is having zelch help from any type of professional--OBGYN, midwife, you name it--they are not getten it! In this documentary they showed this women in the U.S, who was going to her local CVS once a month for prenatal care, meaning taking her blood pressure on the machine. She also bought a scope on the Internet to listen for the placenta location, and the babies heartbeat. She determined later on in her pregnancy, without a degree mind you, that she had a low placenta. She discussed on camera about her choice to birth her baby on her own alone, and to not want any help with prenatal care. She knew the consequences and said it was worth it to her to face possible death of her child, or her, or both. Thankfully the baby was born without a hitch. He came into the world with his parents cutting the cord with a pair of kitchen scissors, and his cord being tied off with a shoelace, while his older brother (about 2) looked on. This was no joke. My social worker brain started to buzz with my mother one, and I thought how can this not be considered neglect? Aren't there laws protecting babies? Of course this mom had complications with her placenta and had to surrender to a hospital. She was appalled that they were giving her such a hard time about not choosing (very different from cases of not knowing) to get prenatal care, and for purposely giving birth without a professional. She couldn't grasp she had just played Russian rullet! I don't mean to be judgemental but...wtf? Luckily that hospital did call family services to monitor this family.

I enjoy seeing the different choices people make, and how different it is all over the world. I find the miracle of birth to be just that...a pure miracle. Even the second time around, I find myself stopping to think about the fact that there is a life inside me. A REAL baby with arms and legs! A baby that will soon enough be just as big is Rylan is now, and the idea of that child being inside me will seem so far. 

It is my job to birth this baby in the safest environment as possible. I am sure the cold air on her cute little buns will make her yelp, and the idea of having major surgery is not ideal. However, I am perfectly ok with it knowing she and I will be safe. In my personal case, and birthing history, it is the safest option. I am sure she would rather be entering the world in a warm tub of water, but I will make it up to her with warm tubbies, swim class, and fun times in the ocean. After watching what I watched today, I am just thankful to have the proper care, and to trust the qualified professional that will help bring the baby into this world. 

Rylan Antics

• I fell in love all over again last night when Rylan was in the back seat cheering for Dave Mathews Band. When he heard the live audience from the Central Park album (which his mom happened to be one of the ones screaming in the audience), he thought he should join the party. He clapped, he hummed to the beat of a few songs, and he even played along to one of the songs where they play a cord and the audience responds with "WHOOOW"! My Rylan was rocking out, and not to Raffi! He clearly has a love for Dave Mathews, and for me...that makes my heart thump!
  

• A little while later I told him that I loved him and his response was "Your welcome". He LOVES to say "Your Welcome". Even when it is him saying please and thank you, he always ends with a "your welcome". However I never heard his respond to I love you with it! It sort of reminded me of that Friends episode when Ross tells Rachel "I love you", and she responds with a "thank you". I couldn't help but laugh at his response.
  

• When Rylan wants help with something or a snack, he never says "help" or "want" something, he always says, "Mommy Please". This a polite request for me to get off my hiney and get to whatever he needs. I'll take the polite!
  

• At night we have a routine of putting him to bed with all of his "gear", we read three books, we cover him up, kiss him goodnight, and put his music on. That is when he request we "leave door open". We used to remind him that he needs to stay in bed, or we will close the door. Now he lectures himself every time we are leaving. He says "leave door open, Ry Ry say in bed go night nights". He does not, however, listen to his own lecture, as he always manages to get out once, and then when he hears "mean" Mommy or Daddy with a "get back in bed", he obeys. 
  

• My sweet boy yesterday decided he was very curious about our friends baby. He went over and took his favorite blanket to him. Rylan loves the tag on this blanket and smells it for comfort. He has only shared it with me, as he believes it is sacred. This time he thinks the baby should enjoy it's comforts, and puts it against (gently) the babies nose. He then went over and took out his favorite planes (which he NEVER shares) and sat them beside the babies car seat so the baby could "play". Later that day he went over and rocked him in the babies car seat, while the baby smiled at him. Just when I thought he had 100% joined the "i love baby" band wagon, he did not support his Mom holding the baby! So it is clear we will still have some struggles, but for him to share some of his favorite things...that is HUGE.
  

Baby Bedding: Check

It's not often I run into a steal! Today I decided to trek on out this afternoon, regardless of the fact I am exhausted EVERYDAY at this time! I have been wanting to head to TJMAX ever since I found out I would be having a girl! Why? you may ask...because of the girlie crib bedding I have been admiring for months! 

I  get there and automatically feel disappointed when it is no longer where I once found it. I thought it was a "sign" that it was not meant to be. Just as I rounded the corner towards another area, there it stood begging to be bought.  Mind you I have been looking online for weeks and certainly there were a few that would blow this one out of the water! The difference being, of course, the price! This same exact set found here is sold for $169.00 at Target! (the picture does not give it justice--in person it DOES NOT look like skull and cross bones, it is Fleur Delis'). I paid a whopping $69.99 and to top it off, it was customer appreciation day, therefore I got an additional 15% off! 

I still have 30 days to sit on it and decide if I can make it work with the way I hope the girlie nursery works out. However I am a huge fan of the pink and chocolate brown ensemble, and once when I wanted to get a tattoo I was going to get a Fleur Delis, so many, just maybe it is fate!

side note: I should also mention I bought a baby girl Oshkosh shirt for $1.00 there too!!!!

History In The Making

Please note: content in this posting is viewed only by the writer not the entire family. As I said before, Pete and I are often polar opposites when it comes to baseball and politics! I am sure however, that he would support me is "some" of the content listed.

I was thinking about history, and what a massive day for our country it was yesterday. I have never, in the many years I have been able to vote, been so excited about seeing the person I voted for and believed in, take oath. His vision instills hope, and let's face it, after the last administration hope is what we need for the future of our country right now! 

It is also awe inspiring to think I have lived through seeing a person of color become the next President of the United States. It is amazing to watch such barriers begin to disintegrate, and things we once thought would never happen, are indeed happening. This sort of change is good for this melting pot of a country, and is the core reason it was built as such. I can only dream about a time when there is no longer poverty in this country, that minimum wage is a wage families can actually function with, when kids wanting to learn in the inner city get the same materials as high class America to learn, when drug addicts are looked at for their disease like Cancer patients, when adopting regardless of race is as "hip" as the Brangelina adoption from all countries trend, when we treat the elderly with the care they deserve and not treat them as half dead citizens, when religion is no longer barriers for not respecting one another, that war is sparse and I don't have to worry about bringing kids into a volatile world, and being a social worker, or a teacher is considered as important as becoming a doctor! I know--spoken like true social worker with her bleeding heart right? A girl can dream I guess. 

I am so happy, and blessed, to be bringing my daughter into this world during a new administration that is based on a hopeful vision. While thinking about this fact, I was also thinking about how my little girl in utero will be born with all of her eggs to make her future babies. This made me think about how history is in the making, even within me. That my grandchildren are already 1/2 part of me! That hopefully they too will experience exciting times in the world that will bring about a better world to live in! A world filled with understanding, and supporting one another without judgement. That is what I want for my kids. I don't want them to live through 9/11's , wars, or worry about the end of the world. I want them to live, and make history for the better of mankind. 

And It Begins...

I couldn't help myself! Not only from so much cuteness, and great sales...but from Gymbucks! One of the bonus items from being signed up at Gymboree is that we get Gymbucks for the clothing store every now and then! How can you NOT use $25 off $50!!!! (and I only went over 3 bucks!)
Poor Rylan is already getting the boot when it comes to buying girl vs. boy clothes! The girls clothes are irresistible, and I am sure just this mere fact will be the reason I will have to return to work full time in a year!

Growing A Vagina

I know I couldn't believe it either! The fact that I am growing a vagina in my stomach and not a penis is something I just can not quite wrap my head around! I am still convinced I am going to decorate pink, and buy pretty little clothes, and then they will open me up and say "congrats to your new baby boy"!!! There it will be swinging in the air, the dong of deceit which once hid while the ultrasound tech assured Mommy it was a girl!!!

I asked the tech if she was "sure". I asked her the percent in which the accuracy is. I asked her if she was "sure" again. Then she took the picture I now famously pasted all over the Internet--there you have it ladies and gentlemen--my daughters vagina (she is sure to thank me later). The tech said the picture was "textbook girl", and that she had no doubt. Me--well--I still have doubt. Until I see vajayjay in the flesh, I don't think it will be real to me.

Why you may wonder? ...because Dos Santos men are known for NOT making girls. According to Pete's Mom, Aunt's, and Grandmother, they are thanking God right now for Pete doing "something right"! I had whole heartily accepted my position as Mom to a gaggle of boys before going in there today, and now....I got dance class, and manicures, and shopping!!! I KNOW how to play barbies, and teacher, and watch girlie movies! The women of the family finally have a Portuguese princess!!!! Pete on the other hand, well lets just say he is a little shell shocked today. Poor guy isn't sure what he is going to do with a little girl, but he will figure it out the moment he holds her, and changes her diaper a few times!

Rylan came with us and was excited to see the baby on the tv. I think even for him, it started to become a little more real.

What are the next steps? Well that depends on what I choose to do first...wall color? nursery decor? ask all moms with girls if I can borrow hand me downs? names?....and entire new world about to open wide.

I can not believe it people...I am growing a vagina! Which means I am obviously multi-talented since I also once grew a penis too! 

The Verdict Is IN.....

The Eve Of Discovery

What will it be?

I dreamed about giving birth to another boy. Most say boy. Can you imagine me as a Mom of two boys?

Some have said girl. The majority of the reasoning has lingered between the fact this pregnancy has been 100% different then my last, and I have barely gained any weight. 

I have been itching to know either way! We have plans to make...

Names. Bedding. Clothes. You name it...I need to do it.

I am not sure how others (like the Valentines) can control themselves all 9 months without knowing what they will pop out! Not only would I have to avoid the 2nd trimester screening if I was in their shoes, I would also feel panic about being "ready". Never mind the crazy name games..at least after noon tomorrow we will be able to focus on 50% of our name game! Anyway...for those who choose to wait for the result of, A Penis: Yey or Nay--BIG PROPS to you, because clearly I have NO self-control.

As for you, my dear ChaChe, whatever you are Mommy and Daddy are going to love you SO MUCH!!! It has been a long time coming, and we are so blessed to be welcoming another baby to our lives!

Stay tuned tomorrow for results and pictures!!!

Rylan Update

EARS

Rylan had his post-op appointment yesterday (after the infamous drug deal at Dunken Doughnuts). His ears are looking great! When we walked into the office he announced to anyone that would listen that he was there for the "Doctor", and the Dr. was going to "look in ear". The nurse came out to call him in and said "Ryan". I responded--"do you mean Rylan?" She--very snotty says, "RYAN DOS SANTOS". I sneer at her and say, "It's Rylan" and I gather our things. We have gone there WAYYYYY to many times for them to be calling him by the wrong name. I even checked the chart and it has the RIGHT name on it. I know I called my kid a different name, I am expect such fumbles, but not when we have been there for over a year! She was the lucky nurse to fit Rylan for ear plugs. After pulling his ear and being less then kind, she said, "this is how you do--good luck". Rylan now see's the plugs and says, "Ry' Ry's for ears in water. Mean nurse".

Preschool

The nightmare has ended. I finally found a preschool that met all the standards I wanted! Rylan and I visited a preschool downtown, and stayed for over and hour. We were lucky enough to experience Music, Art, Sign Language, free play, and snack time (which happened to be hearty chicken soup with rice!). I loved the variety in the program, and the language the three years olds were using! In Music, the kids were discussing long vs. short notes, the piccolo vs. the flute, and the orchestra. In Art, I heard words like abstract, and vibrant come out of little mouths. It was clear to me the quality of teaching when listening to these kids! The set up was also satisfactory, and the staff was friendly. So I think we are a go with this one, if Rylan doesn't end up getting services next year. 

Puking

Rylan learned the art of making one puke today. As if this kid didn't puke enough as a baby!!!!! Today he found out how "fun" it is to toss your hand down your throat and let it rip! It was absolutely disgusting! He attempted it again soon after, and I tried to curtail it with a cookie! Lets hope this "fun activity", is replaced with something a lot less repulsive!

Shade Balls-they are everywhere!

Today started like any ol' suburban day, (insert sarcasm), as I drove up to the local Dunken Doughnuts and parked next to a car with a women on her cell phone looking mighty nervous. She gave me the heeby jeebies a little, so I locked everything in the car I could imagine someone wanting away, and went in for breakfast with my little man. I forgot about the weird women as soon as I was ordering a munchkin and looking at the smile it made on my son. This is when, even more disturbing looking, women admires my son and says, "what a cute son you have!", to me. 

The hair on my neck stood about three feet tall. I have a knack for "figuring people out" quite quick. Thanks to my chunk of life working in a drug rehabs, jails, and gangs, I have an intuitive nature about such shady people. This was all well and fine when they were clients of mine, but noticing this intuition while out and about with my child, and her commenting on him, makes me want to put Rylan in a security bubble. 

I tried to shake it off. However since we sat next to the front window of the place that over looked our car, and the car filled with the two shady ladies, I could not help but watch like a hawk. They sat in their car the entire time Rylan and I ate breakfast. I envisioned them trying to steal my "cute" kid and trying to sell him! So I cautiously move toward my car while keeping eye contact with strangers going in and out the door "just in case". (sounds crazy I know...but when I tell you I know shady people --I KNOW shady people) And then it all went down. As I was exiting the place, one of the women jumped out of the car into another car that just pulled out, while the other women stood outside her car while on "watch". I witnessed the passing of the drugs, and the exchange for money in the newly parked car. I nearly threw Rylan in the car, while worried they might have "seen" me "see". My backside was to the car as I was smooshing Rylan into the car, and I heard two doors slam behind me, and they literally sped off, almost decapitating my ass! 

I sighed. Happy they were gone and didn't touch a hair on my kid. Then I began to realize, no matter where I am in life I will ALWAYS notice such shade balls, as I was immersed in such environments for so long. I should consider this a gift in order to help shield my son, and always be aware of my surroundings, even in a cutesty, all American, suburban town.

Baby Prepping 101

Yes I bought my son a doll!

In attempts to try and make him used to an idea of a baby in the home, I purchased this baby for only $3.00! It even says "momma" and "baba"...I mean how intelligent can an infant get?

Rylan has been VERY interested in babies lately. He stops mid play when he see's one on tv, he takes note when a baby in the room, and is bothered if he here's a baby cry. He also has made it a habit to take lotion every morning and put it on my belly and say "Hi Baby". Between now and June, I will do all I can to make it not a surprise for him, when his brother or sister comes home for good. And the preparation begins!

Baby Bladder

I have made it a new habit of mine to relax my aching pregnant body in our Jacuzzi tub. While in there last night I began to think about the fact that we were luckily to score such a deal on a house that HAS a Jacuzzi tub, and the fact that the great amount of "breathing" room I have around me, would soon fill up with my ever growing baby bladder. 

I can indeed get my entire stomach underneath all the water now, but soon some part of the baby will be sticking out to bare the cold while the rest of me will rest in the warmth of heavenly bubbles in the tub (which thankfully are not man made ones if you know what I mean :-) ). This thought of course made me remember the last stages of my first pregnancy, and how I literally stuffed myself in the plain ol' tub in the old place. The end was brutal--I fit through, in, or around, nothing! I remember crying in Rylan's nursery after his due date passed, worrying he would never come out, and I would be stuck with this feeling forever. Thankfully God made humans to only carry for so long, because I am quite sure if we went beyond 9 or 9 1/2 months there would be some rioting in the streets filled with pregnant ladies!

Who would have thought at that time, that I would ever long for that feeling again? That I would find myself in such low and desperate places, while wanting to get there. That after all that struggle, and pain, I would be back in the tub, with a round belly, holding a precious gift in it again. 

I made a meal for a mom in my local MOPS group who just had a baby boy a month ago. I delivered it in hopes of catching a glimpse of the new little one. I was blessed with better then that! I got to hold new baby Jack! He was so little and snuggly, I couldn't help but think about what my life will look like in just a few months! I also couldn't help but think about what is exactly growing in there...a boy? a girl?

I was laying in bed after my tub time thinking about this. The pregnancy had flown by already, and I can not believe it is already time to find out the sex! Earlier that day I was discussing this with other mom friends. One of them recently had a baby, and went for an ultrasound the same place I am going on Monday. I was a bit disturbed when she told me that they don't allow husbands in the ultrasound room! WTF? is that not nuts? I was worrying about this fact, and not wanting Pete to feel left out. I feel like that is the only way it is really "real" for a husband! To see that baby on the screen shows there is in fact a baby in there, and no the big belly isn't from your wife eating to much ice cream. For us women, we are reminded constantly that there is a baby in there because we feel it! I thought about calling my Dr. and trying to get another ultrasound place, but then I held my other friends baby! I quickly decided I can't wait, and hope that Pete is prepared for a fight in order to get back there! I want him to experience that excitement of waiting for the "unveiling" of the sex, and the joy of watching the baby move all about. If I could let him feel the wave in belly, and the pressure on the side the baby likes to reside at night, I would. 

The next few months hold alot of exciting things! It will also be filled with many tubs, and a body that will become more and more distorted and in need of bigger clothes. Soon enough we will be holding our new baby wondering where this time went.

Getting Rid Of Toddler Stuble

And the Winner is:

The winner's were randomly selected--not based on content (as I didn't want to judge kind acts)--but based on order the comment was posted (every 2nd one)!

The Schroeder Family!!!! Sarah is proud owner of her private family blog (password needed), a helper to fallen elderly, and now a winner of a box full of favorite things!!!

Alida at Ransomed-Redeemed 

Thanks for your response, the great work you do in your community and good luck with Paying it forward!

Loni!!!

Thankfully the known cat lover found someone to do for her a random act of kindness, and now is a proud owner of a new kitty! (and a box full of goods)

Thank you everyone for you comments and your acts of kindness! As for the winners, good luck on your own blog Pay It Forward contest!!! Your package from me will be coming in the mail in the next few weeks! Please e-mail me at aimeelovesnyc@yahoo.com to ensure that I have your address!

Enough WINTER...GIVE ME THIS:

If You Like Pina' Colata's...

I am dreaming of flip flops, sunglasses, beach umbrellas, and fruity drinks! Also the burning feeling you get that reminds you to slather on another coat of sun block! 

As I hustled through the frigid cold today to chisel out my icy car, I damned the New England Winter for lasting so long! (this Winter seems like a doosey) I then said a little prayer that some lovely little beach resort that is at least 80 degrees in March/April would show it's beautiful little head with a sign that says "Winter DEAL" "Cheap all inclusive" or "Come and stay with us for $200 all week long" (ok the last one clearly won't be happening--but the other two are possible.

I just want to read a book by the pool, even if I look like a beached whale in a bathing suit! I want to float in the ocean on my back, and snorkel to see some cool fish. I want virgin colata's (ok I really don't want virgin ones but I have no choice in the matter), and no need for my warm winter boots. Your getting the picture I am sure...as I am officially getting the Winter itch and it is ONLY JANUARY! 

So what is a girl to do? Spend all of her "free" time looking up cheap vacations so she can have a getaway with her husband ALONE before the universe grants us two fabulous children. All that is required for our "Babymoon" is sunshine, pool, preferably an ocean, and lots of relaxation. However Free wifi would also be a GREAT perk!

That is what we are doing! Number one on the list this weekend is to figure out where momma and papa Dos Santos are going for a short romantic getaways sans toddler! We could easily end up in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Bahama's, South Beach, Costa Rica, and anywhere else that is hosting a steal of a deal! I can sadly report this isn't Aruba! At least once we are booked and I get my maternity bathing suit I purchased online today in the mail, I can count down the days to making my "dream" a reality!

And lastly...the cute bathing suit I am awaiting:

ps. I would like to add that we will be stuck in the house tomorrow thanks to another major snow storm heading our way! Oh Joy!

17 Week Bump

Simply AMAZING

Yes this is my hotdog, grilled cheese, Dunken Doughnut egg ONLY son eating CHICKEN, PASTA, strawberries, and yogurt!

(it made him mom want to weep)

Baby Update

Today I went in for my monthly check up. I couldn't wait since feeling the baby move is so sporadic that the lunatic Mom in me, needed to hear a heartbeat. And there is was. As my Dr put it, "strong and happy in there". I also showered her with questions regarding my scheduled c-section (I know early but I am a planner). So It looks like the baby will really be coming the 2nd week of June!

I also left the office with ultrasound script in hand! I could not wait to secure a date for the dramatic conclusion on what sex this baby is! So naturally I called via my cell the moment I got out of the office building! January 19 4pm we will be getting our answer!

Bump watch to come :-)

Side note: just a few more days before the big drawing of the pay it forward winners!!!! ENTER NOW!

What's in a Season?

There is something so beautiful about looking at all the tree's surrounding your home plated with ice. It sure makes for a day to stay indoors, eat hot soup, post on blogs, and wish for summer. 

Ahhh...Summer. What I wouldn't give to be on the beach right now. This Summer will be a little different perhaps since I am sure the beach days will be numbered with a newborn, and a C-section scare recovering. Either way I am still ready for warmed weather, and already want to say good riddens to the snow. 

Both Rylan and I are people who feel precipitation. Sounds sort of psychic doesn't it? Really we just have sinus issues. Whenever snow or rain is about to roll in my head feels about a million pounds, and Rylan's nose and eyes well up like puddles. I am quite sure we are better weather predictors then most weather men on our local channels. Maybe they should higher me as an added tool--"Today on channel 2 eye on the storm--Aimee rates the weight of her head and her amount of mucus". Ok maybe not, but still, I got skills. Skills I long to lose in a few months thanks to Spring, and then I can switch to sneezing and itchy eyes thanks to pollen!

Along with the changing Seasons comes just that-change! Rylan is changing into such a young man these days, that is hard to believe he used to be my little baby. Since the ear surgery he has been speaking clearly, talking more, eating more, and trying new things to eat! I am not sure if any of this has any connection or is a matter of interesting timing, but regardless we are thrilled to see it. He also is really growing into being a better social butterfly. He struggled a long time with this, and it is such a relief to see him go and enjoy himself without being on my leg. Since we moved and have officially checked off the big boy bed sleeping, our next move will be moving head on into potty training! (however it should be interesting since Rylan would be happy to sit in his own "matter" all day every day if we left him). My hopes for the coming months is that he gets used to the idea of the potty, is aware he will have a baby sister and brother soon, he eats more then hot dogs and grilled cheese, and that he continues to develop in his language and social skills.

As for that changes regarding the our other baby, it is clear to be growing. However I happily hopped on a scale last weekend to learn I have only gained 3 pounds in 17 weeks of pregnancy! The belly is certainly becoming more pronounced, but I have yet to feel constant movement (which I long for in order to keep me calm and sane). Tomorrow I have my monthly check up, and will get a script for the BIG ultrasound (as I sit here salivating waiting to find out what we are having so we can STOP the name game madness and focus on one sex). Soon enough it will be design the nursery time!

So far 2009 has treated this family quite well! We hope as the year goes by, and the Seasons change, we will continued to be as blessed.

Side note: Don't forget to add your comment to enter into our Pay It Forward give away! The Drawing is this SUNDAY! Go to THIS post to enter and possibly WIN a box filled with things to enjoy while stuck in the house on a Winter day!

Trying To Get Rocket Fly

Here is a video taken of Rylan and his Dad the day of Rylan's surgery! As you can see he was a total champ! (as was dad for doing this on camera!)

Friends To The End Made From Bad 90's Fashion

It all started in Junior High. The bond of true friendship. Our love for bad early 90's hip hop, Hyper Color t-shirts, gossiping, and MTV (especially Downtown Julie Brown), made us true friends for life. We had big dreams of living it up in NYC--me as a super model, and her as high fashion stylist. We spent hours using puff paint making homemade MTV shirts, and Bel Biv Devoe inspired "name" jeans. We always were the first to sport the new trend in our Junior High. We were the first to have a Hyper Color t-shirt, and the first to have a $40 Z Cavarrici t-shirt (even if it meant leaving the tags on in order to return it to the store a day later). 

We also decided that our Junior High dances needed a little bit more spice. I mean how many times could we watch boys on one wall, girls on the other, and just a whole lotta BAD dancing in between. So we picked two songs--one I purely remember as being "Iesha" from ABC. We choreographed and practiced in her basement for weeks before a dance. Then the big day came, we requested the song, and there we were...A HIT. She and I cleared the dance floor every time, and heard various classmates yell "go Aimee go" and "go Anita go". We had a hip hop bond for life! Years later this bond then transformed into international dancing. As we fell in love with different Spanish dances, and spent wayyyyyyyyyy too many college nights in a small international bar that quickly became our second home. We were the two girls on the bar, breaking plates, and shaken it like two rhythmic twins. 

Not only did we have fashion and music. We had Greek, and I am not talking Feta cheese here, I am talking culture. I know what you are thinking, clearly, I am NOT Greek, but man did I spend all of my teen years wishing I was. Her family was 100% Greek.  A large group, a loud group, a very very passionate group, and a group she was open to share with me. She had an abundance of cousins around our age to indulge in teen talk with. The family had a strong culture I had never seen before and quickly yearned to be part of. And the food. THE FOOD they produced--don't even get me started. I soon began attending family gatherings, weddings, birthdays, and anything else she was willing to take me too. I quickly learned how to Greek dance, and soon got used to the smell of her fathers sardines. I also got used to the idea of the New Years cake and possibly finding the object baked in your piece of cake for luck. I missed her so much when she spent weeks in Greece in the Summer, and wrote her 10-12 page letters all about what she was missing out on in Rhode Island.

Her mom was the mom we all wish we could look like day to day, (and cook like). She was ALWAYS well put together, and never looked frumpy, like most of us mom's do! She always had a respectable outfit, makeup, and her hair done, every time I saw her! She cooked the most amazing Pastichio, which I have the recipe for, but shake in my booties even thinking about attempting it, as I know it won't taste like hers! 

So many memories of my friends home and family life shaped me. Her friendship, loyalty, and great understanding of who I am has always floored me. Our lives have changed to very different people then we once were. Thankfully we are still not in her basement trying out new choreography to Toni Tone Tony! We even found some times in our very adult lives to have lost touch. The great thing though about someone that knows a part of you, what you as an adult were made from, and what makes you -YOU, is that not matter the time, the years that pass, you can sit across the table and still 100% get that other person. We are still the same teen girls we once were, just grown up. That to me is something I share with very few people in my life.

I am so proud of my Greek sister. She has certainly been tried through so many hard times in life, and keeps prevailing. At a young age she told me she would travel the world, and would NEVER be left behind in our small town in Rhode Island. She was right. As she amazes me, currently living in Cuba as a US diplomat and just the astounding women I knew she would be. I always told her I wanted to be married and be a mom...so I guess I was right too.

This Christmas she came home for a short visit and I was so happy we got to meet up. It has been two years since we had last seen each other. We were done talking and catching up about 15 cups of coffee, and two hours later. It was a blessing to sit across from someone who knows me in a different way then most. 

Real World Heartthrob Turned One With The Earth

Remember the first Real World? ....I sure do I was hooked from the moment I began watching. I loved the ruff edges of Heather the rapper, and the sweet chick from some place like Alabama who seemed to be uncorrupted. However, like many teenage girls, I was ga ga for Eric Nies! I wanted him and the innocent girl to fall in love and have babies! I remember being so excited that he moved on to host the "Grind", and how he had some stylen hip hop moves for a white boy! This is the Eric Nies I remember:

Fast forward to a gazillion years ahead. Now I am no longer the teen girl I once was, and certainly don't look the same either. Certainly I didn't expect Eric to look the same either. Maybe a few wrinkles, a less ripped bod, but somehow I didn't expect to see what I saw last night.  Pete told me about a new show on VH1 called "Confessions of a Teen Idol". I barely knew any of the cast--but I am always willing to give a new reality show a try.  I was excited when it was Eric's turn to appear from under the rock he has been hiding for years under. And this is what I saw:
And this is a WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY good picture of him. Poor guy now looks like he makes it his job to look like he just rolled out of bed and hasn't taken a shower in days. I waited for an explanation. Maybe he has been on a mission in Africa or something? Nope. He went on to talk about his raw food diet, and his nick name "poo poo lei" (which means full of "poo"). How he believe in a healthy clean colon, and gave advice to castmates that they could rid pain with a machine that matches your energy to the earth. Homeboy clearly turned one with nature. 

If you were part of the Real World 1 generation you MUST make time to check out this new show and see Eric in the works. It is HIGHLY entertaining. It seems to me he has smoked a few too many.

sidenote: Don't forget to enter the Pay It Forward Contest! Go to the post below and leave a comment now!

PAY IT FORWARD CONTEST!!!! YOU CAN WIN NOW!

And the winner is: ME ME ME! 

I never win anything, however this time my luck has turned. 

I won the pay it forward contest on the McCashew blog! Which means I received a lovely box in the mail from Mama McCashew filled with her favorite things! The next step: well, to pay it forward of course!!! Which means good things for you my friends! All you have to do is leave a comment on this post answering the "HOT TICKET QUESTION", and I will choose 3 winners on January 11! If you are the winner you will receive my fancy box full of my favorite goodies! Then "tag you are it" to send on your own pay  it forward boxes to three lucky winners! 

I know what you are thinking...crappy economy, the holidays just passed...but no need to worry!!! Your box doesn't have to have Coach or Godiva just because you love them. Think small, think cheap thrills, think $10 max! Plus you will make someones day all the more merrier when they receive the package in the mail and get to pick three more winners! 

If you won and wondering how you would pick a winner--have no fear! There are plenty of ways to do it! If you have your own blog then you can hype it up with some excitement by hosting your very own pay it forward contest with a hot ticket question for your readers! If you don't have a blog you can either choose three random people in your world that you think will follow through, or if all else fails and you still don't have any winners --I will host a 2nd round of blog fun in your honor! For other Q&A's check out this post on the McCashew blog! 

Now for the good stuff. Dear faithful "Life of the Dos Santos" readers who aren't faithful "commenter's" please put your fears aside and write something just this once(even if you happen to be a Private I and trying to keep a low profile)! You all deserve a box o' fun in the mail! Pass this contest on to friends, and lets see how nice people really are! As the "HOT TICKET QUESTION" is:

What is the best random act of kindness you ever have done or has been done for you?

Now go run to the comment section and tell me all about it! Tune in January 11 for the drawing and announcement of the BIG winners! GOOD LUCK!

New Ears In 09'

We just got home from Rylan's ear tube surgery and this is how he is doing:

Luckily everything went well!  The worst part was letting him go screaming down the hall way to surgery, and turning around to the waiting room. The best part is it was short and sweet. The Dr. came out in a matter of minutes and told us it was a success. Soon after the nurse called us in and told us our child is an "angel" and was "mature for a 2 yr old". Apparently he held her hand as he woke up from surgery, she asked him if he wanted "Mommy", and he said "Yes Mommy". He continued to hold her hand and not cry the entire time, until I arrived. I was so proud of my little man. Now his dad and I are showering him with extra love today!

Right before surgery he had a feeling something was up. We tried to settle him with tv. He eye spied his ear Dr. and said--"Doctor" "Ear". So I gave him the low down in child version on what was to happen. Here he is awaiting new ears:

What Pete Does All Vacation Long...

ok..maybe not during the day when his wife and child are up--but you can bet that all night long he is "at war" via video games in the man cave!

Love for Gymboree

This past Tuesday we got to drag Dad to Gymboree to see what it is all about. Normally Rylan is IN LOVE with Gymbo time---but for some reason he wasn't feeling it so much that day. The teacher even told Dad that he should stay home for now on :-)

Here are a few photos of Gymbo day! 

2009--The year of the hug

What's in a resolution really? Do we just make them from hope? Or are we just setting ourselves up for failure?...

Actually...my 2008 resolution, as you may recall, is lose weight. I am sure some of you out there read it and snickered since isn't that what most people use as their resolution yearly? No need to be embarrassed by your snicker...I too thought I would fail. Thankfully Sporty reached out to me and gave me the push I needed! I lost weight--and alot of it. Then I got knocked up...and well...I am sure come June I will be begging Sporty for another push in the "get fit in 09'" direction! I certainly didn't get to lose all the weight I had hoped in 08', so maybe 09' will do the trick! However this is not my resolution this year...

I thought I would "pass" on the resolution thing since I am giving birth this year (somehow I feel giving birth is a "get out of jail free card).  Then I read THIS blog posting and felt Mama Bird was writing down my life story! She inspired me to grow a pair back in 09! After becoming a mother I have been like a snail reverting inward to it's shell. I no longer take risks, try new things, or feel comfortable in situations I once flourished in.  So this year I am going to do my best to step out of my comfort zone and stop being such a scaredy cat. This includes pushing myself toward a happier and healthier self and taking on more responsibility for taking care of me (Sporty is going to read this and wet her pants I am sure)!

As for Pete...he doesn't need to lose weight or being pushed to try ANYTHING. So his resolution this year is rather....ummmm...uniquie. He is calling this year the "year of the hug". No he is not going to go around hugging random people all year (however I am sure if he was dared or double dog dared, he would). He has said that this year every time his wife gives him attitude, that he will return it with a hug. Needless to say we have already "hugged" it out alot in 09' and it is only a bit past noon on New Years Day! Not because I am a total wench to him all the time...but because the man is a genius at pressing my buttons, and seems gitty when he can say, "I sense attitude --it is time to hug".  As much as I love hugging my husband, I am sure this is going to get old quick, and Pete will do a victory lap in getting what he wants--a pissed off wife. I am telling you if he could get paid in pressing buttons, and getting on my very last nerve, he would be a millionaire. Regardless of my not so friendly tude fits I might give, or his 10,000 hugs instead of his willingness to fight with me, I do love his saying of "the year of the hug". So if you see us out hugging we could either be A: lovey dovey or B: on the brink of a fight! One never knows (all I know is I am sure one of us will break sooner then later).