6 years

From here:


To here:



In six years time.

Happy 6th Anniversary to Pete and I! We celebrated last night at fantastic french bistro that brought us back to Paris in one bite!

The Nice Guy Should Always Win

This weekend Pete and I celebrate our sixth year anniversary. It is often around this time I look back every year and wonder how I have managed to get here. I am quite sure it is nothing less then the grace of God.

Pete and I met while I was in the eye of the storm of a bad relationship with someone else. Many of my loved ones tried to convince me to date Pete at the time, but I deemed him way to nice for me. Why (you may be asking) would I say such a thing? Because at the time I was a full blown addict of self destruction. I only allowed people in that would abuse me the way I felt I deserved. All of my connections to people were made out of self-conflicting drama and abuse.

If only the people that have met me since Pete could have seen me then. They wouldn't have recognized me. I didn't have a mind of my own, and the person I was with had manipulated, abused, and carved out all of me leaving nothing to call my own. I was a shell walking this earth that felt meaningless. I went to work counseling people off drugs and how to make well choices in their lives, while I was allowing myself to sit and live in abuse. Not a soul could save me. I was lost in it, and I alone had to find my way out.

The only way I believe I got out was by those that loved me prayed for a miracle. I thank God that I was shown things first hand I could no longer deny, and that I started to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Lucky for me I learned this prior to making a commitment to an abuser. They are big charmers and liked/loved by many. Mine was no exception. To this day people I love and adore still think highly of him. It makes no sense to me, as the core of him is just plain ugly. The devil in disguise that will steal your soul if you let him. I let him for awhile. Now I can see those like him from a mile away. I see people dating them, marrying them, and losing who they are to them daily. I am so thankful to have come out the other side, while saddened to see other people struggle in it.

I often forget about the person I once was, since I have come so far. I not only have regained all of who I am (and meant to be), I am stronger for it. I am not one to hold back my words, and I am certainly a women who knows what she wants and when she wants it. It doesn't mean, however, I don't remember or that remnants of "that Aimee" don't come back to haunt me. When I first heard the song Turning Tables from Adele, I was hit by a ton of emotional bricks. I identified with it so much, but most of all felt in aw that I have over come that.

I am so thankful that I realized I deserved to be with a "nice guy". That the people that love me didn't give up on trying to convince me Pete was the guy for me. I am so thankful Pete never gave up, stayed my friend for so many years prior, and that he still was interested when I finally woke up. I should have listened to the butterflies that flew every moment I saw him, but I was so empty and broken.

Gifting myself with a date with "nice guy" was the best thing I have ever done. My core restored, and recovered six years after marriage to a nice man, I go on living the life I rightly deserve, while never forgetting the dangerous, stormy roads I took to get here.

God Centered

Sometimes the treasures of life hide in the corners of disappointments. They also love to be part of an element of surprise like when you are so darn sure it won't happen and it does. God is funny like that. He likes the reminder it gives us on how we can't "make" anything happen, we can just request it.

I sat up late the other night tied to a book that made me weep like a baby. It is with no surprise that I have read almost all that there is to read on near death experiences, and my expectation on this book was not much different. I intended to identify with it (especially since the person was a kid when it happened), but hadn't a clue that it would change me the way it did.

A few months back I was in a DC airport on my way home for shooting I Survived Beyond and Back with my near death experience. I was buying candy to hold me over, and saw this book called "Heaven Is For Real". I held it in my hands while waiting in line and felt in my soul this book would mean something for me. I thought about buying it until I saw the over priced airport price tag. Oddly enough it was the same book Pete almost bought me for Christmas this year, but instead I talked him into buying another kids near-death experience book that I have yet to get through because it hasn't really impressed me. I made a mental note in the airport that day, that clearly this was something I had to read.

Fast forward to two nights ago when Pete and I were aimlessly looking through Marshalls without kids. You know you can always find something "you need" there. I was happily taking time to look through there pile of books and guess what was there.... New York Times Best Seller: Heaven Is For Real! Mental note received, and book purchased. The next night I read it from start to finish and cried almost the entire way through it. It made me think way past my own experience, and more in the meat of my own spirituality.

Which brings be back to the start of this post. When I "applied" to be on "I Survived" I literally thought there was no chance they would pick me. Even through the interviews I also thought there was no way I would get to tell my story on national tv. I kept thinking my experience was less impressive, or important then ones I had seen on their show. Why would they want little ol' me? It didn't really set in actually, until I was sitting in a sound proof studio divulging my inner most secrets to the entire world. A major, life altering, secret that was gifted to me for the very reason I was there--to share it. I didn't expect such a blessing but it was given to me.

Some of you may recall I recently put in for a recipe contest with hopes to win my way to BlogHer'11. I was really confident in my dish, that I actually thought it was just a matter of time I would get awarded the trip. Mind you, silly me, thought I could be one of eight that would be flown to Cali, when there was 200 bloggers participating. My positivity sort of shot me in the foot. As sadly I found out I didn't win (gee Aimee --only 200 people also put out their "best" recipe), and I was reminded that although I created my best, my best doesn't always win. I practically had my bags packed before I heard of the results. I obviously forgot to eat a big piece of humble pie. God granted that to me today. I was bummed, but I know what is meant to be is meant to be, and for some other reason it was a blessing.

It is easy to hold a pity party and feel bad for yourself when things don't go your way. However, how productive is that? The real reason disappointment happens is there is a lesson to be learned. I truly believe when disappointments (big or small) or great achievements --it is all related to our purpose.

My purpose is to stay God centered. Whatever that means, where ever that takes me. That is where my spot in life will forever be.

This Place

I had imagined returning here and taking endless walks/runs alone while reminiscing on days passed. It turned out not to be quite like that seeing as we now have two very active and awake kids. I didn't have the down time one would have hoped, but I gained something better: new memories.

I have been lucky enough to travel to so many wonderful places thus far in my life. Most of which included beautiful, sprawling beaches, and palm trees. Some of which hold a very special place in my heart, and I long to return too. However, this place (to me) beats them all.

I grew up here in this Ocean State, and to me a true beach vacation includes salt air, the smell of low tide, hearing the Block Island ferry in the distance, American flags flapping in the wind and this tiny island that holds nothing less of my fondest childhood memories. I relish in the things I grew up with: clam cakes, chowda, stemers, lobster rolls, Del's lemonade. It makes me feel as if time stands still.

I wish I could bottle this up and take it with me. I am so sad to leave, since until returning here for the first time this Summer since I was in my teens, I hadn't realized a part of me has always stayed here. The child version of me flares right back up when here, and I welcome it.

It was odd to share something so sacred to you as a kid with your kids. I love watching my son jump in the same pond I always loved. It is weird to walk by the old house I grew up in, with a stroller and being an adult. Odd to have the grandparents who once housed us here on this island every Summer, come over to visit my sister and I at OUR beach house we rented this week.

This place begins with my childhood, and ends with more fabulous memories made here with my own kids.

I'll never get enough of it in this life time.

Now if only I could figure out a way to stay.

(sad face)

We leave tomorrow.

The Kid

There is nothing I love more then to curl up with a book and read something I can't put down. This usually means this is some of delight. I had a feeling when I signed up to review one of BlogHer's book club reads I was in for a surprise. It is true--I couldn't put it down, but for way different reasons. Reasons I have never encountered before when reading a book. Check out my review on BlogHer on Sapphire's The Kid (the sequel to the famous book "Push" and movie "Precious").

Kids Say The Darndest Things: Vacation Version

It has only been a little over two days since we have been nestled in our beach house, and I already have a running list of funny things my kids have said. I thought I'd share them with you so you could all enjoy a good, hardy laugh.

*It is true--my feet are in desperate need of pedicure. My loving son (age 5)took a look at my feet as I took them out of my flip flops and set them up on a chair and said (with a disgusted look on his face) "Mom, your feet are SO NASTY".

*My sweet 2 yr old diva hates to be cold. We were eating dinner out on the deck and she kept yelling out "GO AWAY COLD". Homegirl thinks she can even boss the wind around.

*The four of us are all sleeping in a master sweet. Ry is in his own bed, Addie in a pack n play, and Pete and I across the room in our own bed. Most of the windows don't have shades so we are always holding our breath when the sun rises. Today Addie woke up and declared "Get me OUT OF THIS BOX" (meaning her pack n play). It took a lot to not laugh out loud and waking my Rylan.

*Listening to a 5 yr old and his 6 yr old cousin do stand up is SO NOT funny. They think they are hilarious--- but we think stand up hour needs to be pushed back to comic minutes. Rylan got up on the deck landing (while looking down upon us) and said "What do you call a lamp on a table" ? We all look at each other confused. He giggled "a table lap". The amount of non-funny jokes continued well on to the evening hours.

Great Island

There is something about walking the same streets along the waterside with your children, that you so many times prior, giggled up and down the street in your own childhood. A place that holds so many of my best childhood memories, and stands still to the test of time.

It is weird to be back here as an adult and renting on this island. A place I know like the back of my hand. A place every Summer since I can remember as a child, was my constant serenity.

I hope that I can deliver the same significance to my own kids while making new memories.

Funny how years ago when we were little, my sister and I weren't aloud to vacation here with my grandparents together because we fought to much. Now, here we are, renting here, together (not fighting --in case you are wondering).

There is nothing better then Summer in Rhode Island.

Crazy Days

Just so we are clear I am a nut job:

In less then a months time I am....

moving all upstairs furniture and closets so the floors can be refinished, moving back all the upstairs furniture and dusting all the saw dust off, need to clean out or eat an entire freezer full of food, get new appliances, break down Addison's nursery, get her big girl bedroom set in, reorganize her room, and.... hopefully...praying.... get just one interview to get me in the door.

Thank GOD I signed Rylan up for a week of Vacation Bible School in the midst of all this madness. Now, does anyone want some old frozen meat? How about a stinky diaper pail or 100 outdated/old towels from my linen closet?

Today

So ... I did in fact switch doctors. And of course the moment I did I ran into a friend that just switched out of that practice with unhappiness. Funny how life gives it to you like that. Only took me 5 years to get out of one, and now more bad news about the new one! WHAT? And it doesn't stop there! After we moved all of our furniture out of our main living space in preparing to get our floors refinished, a friend heard who we are using and told me about her horrible experience with them. Seriously? I obviously need to check with all of my friends about everything before making any decisions anymore, because now I am REALLY second guessing my ability to make wise choices.

So while I ponder if I will have to switch doctors yet again, and worry that I am going to return from vacation with a horrible scene of crap floor work, I should be focusing on packing. Packing for a long vacation to the beach that is need of everything is not only overwhelming, but exhausting. This is why I am giving it the old college paper try--and procrastinating until I no longer can't. Clearly I am in for it tomorrow night when all the bells and whistles must be rung.

My kids are also on a bad behavior kick. Really it is the little one following the older ones bad behaviors, and I am starting to feel like I might lose my mind. I need more summer camp weeks to sign up the 5 year old too. Yikes. I really don't understand what he is thinking these days, but hoping this to shall pass.

I did lose 3.3 pounds this week at Weight Watchers. I am feeling great with eating well, and being more active. I am feeling more like me and less of mood swing sally. Today--as you can see--has been a different sort of day. Hence why I will be using some of my extra points today because I couldn't resist two pieces of AMAZING sea salt caramels. Resistance to yummy-ness via mouth on a bad day will never change--everything else is pure game.

note: while writing this my son thought it would be fun to make "fireworks" which including throwing his sisters rocking horse across the room. WTH? AND floor guy called to confirm--please pray for us.

note: I will not have another yummy caramel for 7 points even though they are calling my name with their sweet salty language.

note: must give caramels AWAY

DONE

I am a second guesser by nature. I always worry about doing the wrong thing, or making the wrong call. This often steers me from my gut instinct, and I am left often telling myself later "I told you so".

It will be no surprise to those of you reading this for some time that my pediatricians office has dropped the ball way to many times. This, as some of you know, is actually putting it nicely, since after a few of the instances I wouldn't even trust them with a pet never mind a kid. I researched new docs in the area and found one I really liked, and then found out she wasn't board certified (which was VERY scary concept), and suddenly I was second guessing myself. Was this practice really that bad? Do I want to uproot my kids and find myself uphappy at another practice? Was I alone in thinking this practice was below level of proper care?

So I waited on it (Five years to long mind you). When suddenly a friend of a friend voiced how horrible the office was and how she was going to change her child to a practice I have been flirting to leave for. She reported it being a breath of fresh air, and that I had to promise I would give a whirl.

I kept my promise and went in today. My jaw dropped the moment I walked in. It was like night and day from the door on. I could not believe they actually had things for the kids to do in the waiting rooms (tv's with cartoons and large fish tanks). I was stunned to see completely separate sick/well rooms that kids couldn't run in and out of. I was floored with kind staff, and doctors talking to patients not in a rush. I left with paperwork in hand. My five years of second guessing the crap office is over. My only regret is when I was pregnant I did the research and didn't sign up to the first place I had visited.

I should have walked out when they didn't listen to me when my baby was sick. Or when they didn't return phone calls, made excuses, gave crap advice, made me wait for hours on end, forgot to follow up on appointments, triple booked patients, gave my kids PA's for everything, rude staff constantly, went there for 5 years and felt there isn't a doctor on staff that knows my kids, never saw primary care physician, did I mention hours long waits?and so on and so forth.

I feel like a loser for not listening to my inner voice. For not being more balls to the walls for my kids. For allowing them to get less then adequate care, while being sucked into convenient hours and getting comfortable with the environment. It is very much like an abusive relationship. You know its not working but you can't find your way out. Until the day comes when you have realized enough is enough. I won't settle for less.

Tomorrow I go in for their last appointment for a physical (OF COURSE with a PA). I will tell her how much I have adored her (since she is the only one that really does know my kids), and I will walk out with their files.

I am done.

Marriage

Weddings are interesting when you are married. The meaning of them makes you refocus on what it actually means. Sitting there listening to two other people take vows to honor, obey, and so on and so forth sort of makes you check-in on your own wedded bliss. It also makes you think about your own wedding day, and what you thought the union of marriage was all about then verses now. I am pretty sure the entire universe would agree that none of us had a clue when we made those vows.

The priest made me giggle this weekend when he told the beautiful beaming couple how much work marriage actually is. How it isn't always wonderful and glorious, and that you have to work at it. You could see all of the nodding heads of married people in the audience, and I got to thinking about what our generation thinks of marriage these days.

I have many divorced friends. This would have been a horrible sign, say 20 years ago. This day in age it is sadly typical, and almost expected. I have friends that had very very valid reasons for their breaks, and for those, I am not speaking about. This post is not about a person, but of our generation.

It floors me when I here elderly people being married for 50, 60 years. I wonder--how did you do it? Clearly as I am coming up to our 6th wedding anniversary, we are no longer honeymooners, and I want to gather all that I can to make sure I am one that declares 50 or 60 years someday. However, the statics are against all of us young couples. And I honestly believe it is because we all seem to think it should be all storybook, and no work.

I can say this because I am married.

I married the kindest, sweetest, wonderful man on earth, but sometimes he can drive me to drink. Certain things annoy the crap out of me, and surely many things I do annoy the crap out of him. Often we get mixed up with all of our responsibilities, and kids, that we forget about each other. It is easy to enter the hum drum of life, and not nurture the core of it--the husband & wife. When that union goes to far off the nurture road it can get to be a bumpy ride that sometimes people perceive as a time to get out. Which makes me wonder--what did they think marriage would be about? Like anything in life there are super highs, and super lows. It is your responsibility starting that day when taking those vows to do whatever it takes to make it work. Certainly there are some situations that are unworkable, and that my friends is an out.

Someones grass is always going to be greener. You will always wonder what life would be like if you did A., or stuck with B., and moved to C. The fact is you didn't. And you didn't for a reason. It wasn't meant. No matter how much you want to be young again, or gain back your days before kids--guess what? it's not going to happen. Expectations, and the "i wants and I needs" are insane and built upon a generation that feels entitled. I get it. I am part of it, and I fight it often.

It is great to be married sitting in the pews at a wedding. Thinking about how far you come from that day. How in the grand scheme of things, we didn't have to drop so much money for a day that was about becoming one. That our vows mean more now then they did then. That our relationship will continue to constantly change with time. And most importantly, it is important to celebrate love. Weddings make it easy to do this with words about love, a celebration about love, and an open bar!

Sometimes I need a little reminder I need to work a little harder. That on the days I feel like checking out, I need to check in.

Marriage is a hell of a lot of necessary and important work.

Growing Up

In a matter of minutes my son has turned all grown up.

This week he decided since he is 5 and going into Kindergarten he know longer needs things that pesky preschoolers need. He suddenly was fine walking into a classroom for Kindergarten camp not knowing a soul. He looked at me and said "I'm ok Mom I am going to make new friends".

WHAT.

Who is this kid?

Then he came home that night and told Pete he wasn't afraid anymore of the dark anymore and for the first time in a long time, he slept alone. This was huge since we dreaded weaning him off this crutch for a long time. It was such a surprise to us when he made up his mind and it was a done deal. He has been sleeping alone ever since.

He usually is a very cautious kid, and when we are at a carnival or a theme park he is weary about many of the rides. The other night we went to a carnival and he met a friend there. He was carefree and threw caution to the wind. He went on everything while not batting an eye. I, on the other hand, had my heart in my throat. Letting go of my little boy that is quickly turning into a big school aged boy feels fast and overwhelming.

It is just a matter of time he is asking to take my car for a ride, or asking me to order flowers for his prom date.

Kids grow up way to fast.

Giddy Up

So here's the thing. I haven't been here writing any posts because: a. we have been busy b. I am way behind on my pictures and feel like my next 13 posts should just be that and c. I have been beating myself up in a corner over anything and everything and didn't want to get on here and be all Debbie Downer on y'all.

We are still super busy (holy booked Summer batman), and I still have yet to upload the pics I would love to share here (but I better before our annual beach vacation to Rhody). The good news is I am not so Debbie Downer because I not only decided to take the bull by it's horns--I am riding the F'n bull! That's how I roll my peeps!

I have been sick with that nasty kid virus Coxsackie the past week (you know the virus adults aren't supposed to get but I ALWAYS do). I went to the doctors for a number of reasons when I stood on the scale and almost fainted. There was this number that I had never seen before--a number that neither of my 9 months pregnant ass ever saw. How could this be? My inner fat girl snickers at this thought and calls me an idiot. How about that 4th of July Oeey Gooey Strawberry Cake? or the fact you reward yourself with non-healthy foods and excuse yourself from exercise because your tired or the kids were bad today? .... and the numbers go up into scary places. Almost making it to a land mark number that I flat out refuse to get to because I am afraid if I go there I may never go back.

I love food. We all know this. I totally love to live life eating the best of the best foods the world has to offer. However, I need to turn off this love for awhile , just until I wrangle in my food addict self, and learn how to use self-control (which my 5th grade teacher told me I would never have--and hopefully he was wrong).

While driving from school to school yesterday in order to make eye contact with hiring principals, and handing in my bound portfolios, I decided since I was without kids today was that day. I was feeling beat down from the amount of not so nice secretaries at schools basically telling me I didn't have a chance. I really wanted to use my free Panera pastry on my card, but instead opted for a salad. I decided to push myself further. In order to get away from that scary number I need to do something out of my comfort zone and that my friends is food journaling.

I hate food journaling. Why? because I hate being held accountable. I would rather eat with my head in the sand. So there I was a Weight Watchers that afternoon surrendering. I need support. I need motivation. I need structure. I need results.

I know different programs fit different people but I know I am a people pleaser and a competitor by nature so this might actually help keep me in check. Who wants to be the person going in there getting weighed and gaining a pound each week? Not this girl. I am an overachiever in every other area in my life--why can't I do this?

I can.

So while I pray the economy Gods open up and send me a miracle job, I am also working on shredding some major poundage. I am not sure if I will be blessed with a job, and I am also not sure I can continue on the health kick forever-eva, all I know is right now I am hopeful. It may only be day 2, and I may be super hungry, but I am riding that bull hoping I find the core of me again, and feel more centered.

Caribbean Curry Chicken Over Israeli Couscous

The good people at Knorr offered up a challenge I couldn't resist! They provided their new product that they will be launching at BlogHer'11 (Knorr Homestyle Stock), and I provided a new recipe to use it in. With of course a chance to win a trip to BlogHer'11, which I would love.

Here is my Caribbean Curry Chicken over Israeli (Pearled) Couscous. It may sound complicated but is it super easy, and can be made within 30 minutes! Enjoy:

Things you need:

• 1.5 lbs of chicken tenders cut into bite size pieces
• 1 medium onion sliced thin
• 1 8 oz can of pineapple chunks (you use the juice so DON'T strain!)
• 1 1/2 cups of grape tomatoes
• 1 tub of Knorr homestyle Stock
• 3/4 tsp of garlic minced
• 1 cup of Lite Coconut Milk
• 1 tbsp of Yellow Curry
• 2 tbsp of Olive Oil
• 1 4.7 oz box of Israeli Couscous (plain or with seasoning)
• Salt & Pepper

What to do:

Couscous:

1. In a medium saucepan, combine 1 3/4 cups of water, 1 tbsp of Olive oil, 1/2 tsp of chicken stock concentrate, and pearled Couscous. Bring to a boil.

2. Reduce heat to medium boil. Simmer at for 8 min. uncovered. Make sure to stir occasionally.

3. Add seasoning if desired, and 1 1/2 cups of grape tomatoes. Turn heat down and cover for 2 min. When tomatoes are wilted, turn stove off, and keep covered until time to serve.
Caribbean Curry Chicken:

1. In a large saute pan, heat up 1 tbsp of olive oil and add garlic and onions. Cut until they start to become translucent

2. Add salt and pepper to chicken, and then toss into pan with garlic and onions.
3. Once chicken is almost completely cooked, sprinkle 1 tbsp of curry powder evenly over mixture and stir. Then add 1 tsp of chicken stock concentrate, 1 cup of coconut milk, 1/3 cup pineapple juice from can. Let is simmer for 5 minutes.

4. Add chunks of pineapple to chicken mixture, stir, and simmer for 2 min.
5. Ready to plate and EAT!
Enjoy!