1st Day

How on earth did my baby boy end up being this big?:
He is currently going through a growth spurt, and his feet are the size of the Jolly Green Giants, and I am just over here wondering how on earth this has happened. My little boy that used to be so sick as a baby, and known where ever we went, as the "baby that spit up more then ever thought humanly possible". My little puker, has now turned into a big growing four year old boy. A 4 year old boy that not only overcame being so sick when so little, but also has slayed many of the worries I once had when he wasn't reaching milestones. He has come an incredibly long way.

School is here (of course it is, Pumpkin Lattes were consumed yesterday!), and I could not be happier. Not because I am sending him off four days a week (because really the "break" is no longer a "break" with a demanding 14 month old around), but because we need regain some sense of normalcy up in this joint. We need a schedule, and times we can depend on. And space isn't such a bad thing either!

He needs less tv, and more of this:
He needs time with his friends:
And some routine in the classroom away from his Mom and baby sister:

We are all happy to welcome a new school year for so many reasons! Mainly because, it is awesome to see your child grow and change, and learn to love the art of learning!

Seasons Change And So Does Starbucks

If you haven't seen me on twitter today, this is what I looked like this morning:

Yes. It has arrived. My true sign that Fall is on its way, and my favorite flavor is in the houzzzzeeee. Word up to my Pumpkin Spice Latte. Sure I am wearing a tank top, and sunglasses. Yes it is true that it is 90 degree's out, but low and behold, my people, I am drinking it with pure, down to the soul, "yey Fall is coming", happiness. I almost made out with the barista when she changed my original order of a Dulce Cinnamon latte to the Pumpkin Spice, after she informed me "it's here". It was pretty close to a birth of one of my babies. I think there may be a few other signs of Fall on the way (like ...say... being stuck behind school buses again), but this is by far my favorite. It made me want to stand out near the drive through speaker and tell everyone that rolled up that "It's Here, and it tastes like PUMPKIN" (since those Starbucks jerk off's DID NOT HAVE IT ON THE SIGN YET!!!!!! HORROR I KNOW!). I wanted to make someone elses day by telling them. And then I wondered... am I just weird? Has my relationship with Starbucks crossed over the line to just creepy?

When I was little my "sign" for Fall was when the ice cream shop across the street boarded up for the Winter, and the church diagonal from my house, was hosting their annual October Fest. I thought it was such a major deal. I put on my best stretch pants with the lace on the bottom, and the biggest, brightest, long shirt, and jelly bracelets (how sad that I am buying the same sort of thing now!), and fluffed my hair to Snookie standards (she SO did not make the "puff"--Rhode Island made the "puff"--it is an Ocean State original), and marched over there. Everyone in town attended, and the fact that they even had a stand which offered fried dough, was big. Since, actually looking back, it was just a glorified yard sale with a small "pumpkin patch"(which wasn't a patch at all. It was a piece of lawn someone tossed pumpkins on and called it a "patch"), the local dance studio in town performing, and lots of peoples junk for sale. Certainly not something that should be called a "fest", but maybe a "church yard sale with free entertainment". Either way it was something I looked forward to yearly, and it marked for me the essence of Fall.

After hitting up a country fair this weekend I realized how minuscule and lame that old October Fest was. I kept thinking about all the cool things that would signify for my kids the start and end of seasons. Things my little old child brain would have never dreamed of. The lame hometown October Fest certainly did what it was meant to do which was provide memories, and mark a season, however I am blessed to have seen more as an adult, and the ability to share them with my kids. We are already signed up from the North Pole train ride, we already have a scheduled date to cut our tree down, a date to pick apples and pumpkins, we have vacations marked, costumes picked, a possible plan to go to Boo at the Zoo in the Bronx, and we are even tossing around the idea of spending Easter in Aruba.

I love the seasons. I live for the signs of seasons changing through Starbucks. I know it sounds incredibly sad but my "Fall" equals this latte, and the start of the Christmas season equals their cups changing. Spring/Summer is when their cups change back to the "normal" version. And for me, a full grown adult, I lap it all up. Starbucks to me, just happens to be more then caffeine, and I just might have a problem. It's creepy I know.

So as I was driving, sipping my Pumpkin Spice Latte, and listening to my all time favorite song (U2 Beautiful Day), on a sunny August day while wearing a tank top. I wondered, is it time to break out the Fall decor? I'll give it at least another week.

Goodbye Summer. Peace out homes, we will see your hot ass in about 180 days! Hello Fall, I love you, but you always lead us into that never ending, long, dark, cold Winter.

What do you do that signifies Seasons changing? Am I the only loser in the Internet world that lives through Starbucks? Do you have traditions you hope your kids will remember fondly of when they are a big grown adults that don't include Starbucks? Tell me. I love seasonal talk, it is just as good as pillow talk to me.

Miami

Pete mentioned chocolate lobster raviolis and the flood gates of my mind began to open, and there I was thinking about that time. All the sadness it held, and how lonely I was.

It was a perfectly swank place to eat in Miami. It was a few days away from our son (and the rest of our family we were vacationing with in South Florida), and we had all intentions of "living it up" as much as we could, since I was newly pregnant. Then as I ate one of the most memorable meals of my life (hence the chocolate lobster ravioli's), a quick trip to the bathroom would make me realize my life was about to change forever.

I would like to return to that place just so I can indulge in it's food, and not in it's tears wept on red walls, holding all of my prayers to God to please make that moment go away. I wasn't sure I was strong enough.

I would not like to return to the ER that informed me my "levels were low", or the Internet cafe I feverishly looked up the words "signs of a miscarriage", and made a speedy appointment to Quest Diagnostics for daily level results.

Nor would I like to return to the alley that was behind Ocean Ave. and next to the back door of our hotel, which was the only place I got cellphone service to talk to the doctor on call from my practice thousand of miles away while I was on "vacation". She was less then encouraging as she practically said, "happy vacation, your having a miscarriage, move on and enjoy yourself".

I don't want to return to our family vacation in Florida that people whispered around me, and hoped I would keep my anguish and grief to myself so I would not rain on any ones "vacation" parade. I tried to smile, and pretend it "was no big deal". However, it was me, who lost a life within. I stood alone on the island of miscarriage while on vacation. Everyone smiled, while I grieved deeply, and silently.

For as much as I have been blessed with two beautiful, healthy children, that moment in my life is like the Olympic torch, a flame that lives on forever. For those of you reading this that have sat on the that sad island, I am sure you know how that story goes. It is the loneliest place I have ever been. An old friend of mine that has danced upon that crap island, was my savior. We talked about how our latter babies would never be if the ones we lost were here. That for me would mean no Addie, and no Addie in my life seems impossible, and even more earth shattering. It goes back to teaching us who is exactly in charge of life. It isn't our charts, our basal temps, or planning every inch of what we expect when expecting, it is always, and only, in Gods hands.

I want to return and eat chocolate lobster raviolis. I want to remember, and not forget. However, I would also like to not repeat history, and to make new memories in the place that represents immense pain in my life.

It is time to renew our relationship: Miami and me. I must return to Miami.

Yes I Am Made Of Stone

Nobody has ever accused me of having a heart of stone. Actually, my heart is my soft spot, which is why I can sometimes come off a bit hard because I am my only protector of it. If I am not careful I can easily be transformed into someones doormat, or start to dance upon someones pity stage because I try to be "Mrs. Fix It". Therefore my heart is still made of bouncy, red, flesh, and couldn't be further away from casting stones.

What I do own that is made of stone, and loves to cast them off: kidneys.

They have become my own worst enemy since I first woke up with nasty, unforgiving, kidney stones on late night in my early twenties. I sat in Lenox Hill Hospital ER in NYC in the dead of the night. I was somewhere in between the shot victim, the suicide attempt, and the overdoser. Why is it all bad things seem to happen in the dead of the night? A million tests later, and a morphine drip, I was fine awaiting, and birthing, my first arrival... a nice large Kidney stone. I meant for it to sound as if I was in labor, because it is exactly that my friends, except WORSE. (I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not). So I labored, and birthed a stone, and it was the start of my new life with Kidney's that cast stones.

My Kidney's are assholes. Both of them make mean stone babies, and both cast them off to laugh in the pain of their victim: ME. They are by far the #1 product of evil, and I am sure it is proof I did some really bad shit in my past life, or have crap genetics! (which could be the latter since my Father and Grandfather also have assholes for Kidney's).

I made it through two entire pregnancies without my Kidney's acting up. I thought they repented or something. I kept thinking, "good for my Kidney's being reborn and finding God". I went from having stones cast every year for most of my upper twenties, to none for four entire years! Then, my Kidney's showed me they haven't forgotten me, my genetics, or my past life offensives, and in fact they had not repented or found the holy father.

Two days ago I woke up with horrid lower back Kidney pain (sign #1). It then moved to the front (sign #2), and soon I was sitting under a x-ray machine in search of that f'n stone I am supposed to birth. I much rather have a sweet baby in the end to greet me. Which makes me re-think: Am I done having babies for realz since I would rather have that as an end result instead of a stone? The doctor tells me it could be an infection, my appendix (PLEASE GOD NOOOOOO), my Endometriosis, Kidney stones, or a combo.

So I tossed back an antibiotic last night, had a heaping glass of cranberry juice, a Tylenol (she offered me bigger pain meds but I turned it down for now), a bottle of water, and waited for my bladder to explode, and my results. I went to sleep in the only position I can sleep in when dealing with my jerk off Kidney's and that is in the fetal position.

I awoke feeling better. Still waiting for results, and thinking about the fact that it was the first time I stopped and took care of myself in months.

It has been one crazy Summer. I was constantly moving from one thing to the next. Kidney stones or whatever it was, totally blows, but you know what the bright side is: it makes you stop. Asshole Kidneys don't care about your schedule, who you are with, or where you are. They just come, cut your ass down, and make you concentrate on only one thing: your health and well being. Funny thing is the last time I had them was the night before my first day of teaching third grade in my second year of teaching a few years ago. Maybe it is becoming a "welcome to Fall" gift. All I know is I got the memo. I need to slow down and take care of me. (and the scale in the doctors office told me so too). I need to get back to caring what is being shoved in my mouth, and taking time out in the day to be active. I absolutely need to take a breath, and I shouldn't need agonizing pain to remind me to do so.

So I am breathing over here, thinking about how messy my house is, and all the things we have planned for the weekend. While reminding myself, I need to take it easy for the next few days until the doctor informs me I am in the clear. I will refocus, regroup, and move on. To think this battle between Aimee vs Kidney's is over would be just plain dumb. So I will be awaiting the ticking time bomb to explode, and hope it lands on a day that isn't in a foreign land, or meeting Oprah for the first time.

I'm Aimee and I have a Kidney of stone (actually TWO). Don't mess with me, it makes me sort of bad ass.

My Not So Random Thoughts On The Same Damn Topic

So I should totally be writing over on my review blog right now, but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. So many products and to little time all thanks to BlogHer'10 and the rest of the Summer. I think I might have to feature a few at a time, but I can't be bothered worrying about that now. Instead I am just going to blog in order to .... well... blog.

How refreshing it is to write you all with not wondering what event, or place I have left out of my life, or feeling like I have a never ending blog "to do" list in my head. I could actually just fill this entire post up with the word FREE, and be quite happy with it. My mind for once is rested (besides of course the 53,000 products I am trying to decide on for reviews). And of course some random thoughts that I thought I would share:

• Where has my BABY gone? I went to Stride Rite to buy Addison her first walking shoes. It was a success, however homegirl is still not sure she is feeling the "walking" thing. She will not do it on demand, and she likes to do it when you least expect it (like when her Father's back is turned--poor guy has yet to see it). I get it, she is letting us all know she is not a show pony, but darn it, it is cute. Anyway--back to the shoes. She left them on for the entire run of the mall but on the ride home she unvelcroed them, and took them off. My 14 month old disrobed her shoes--all by herself. Crap! What am I in for. My 4 year old barely does this. She was also caught picking up crayons recently and trying to actually color (like doing the motions to try and color a picture!!!), AND picks up her brothers planes and flies them around with engine noises. Maybe I am totally in awe of all this since Rylan was so behind at her age, but ladies and gents... I think my baby may be a genius and she sure didn't get it from me. Seriously--where has my baby gone? She is 100% toddler now. I am so screwed with this one--you wait.
• I missed Nars Orgasm. You are thinking: "Did she really just type orgasm?" yes. And if you have been reading this blog or know me for "realz" you would know such dirty mouth is no surprise. However, this time I am talking blush people. Nars is a brand not a nick name for Pete. Freaken AWESOME orgasmic blush that just so happens to be called orgasm. I know I know this should be on my review blog, and it probably will, but I was so excited to re-buy this beauty item that I had to share immediately. It is pricey, but your cheeks will love you for it. I have been neglecting my cheeks for a good year on crappy $2 blush, and decided I deserved the once in awhile upgrade. The one thing I never go without or cheap on is: Mac lipstick in Retro.... I know entirely other subject, nothing to do with orgasm, but is my one and only go to beauty item. What are some beauty products you can't live without?
• I purchased Halloween soap from Bath and Body works because: a. I am ready for Fall and b. it made me feel one step closer to the waiting game of the ever loven' Pumpkin Spice latte at Starbucks! (seriously counting the minutes!)
• I am in a desperate search of long tunic dresses with long sleeves to wear leggings under for the Fall and Winter. The only one I have seen is this one from Hanna Andersson:

However, I can not justify $82 for a dress I am going to roll around on the floor with kids with. It is only a matter of time it is spattered with kid bodily fluids, and greasy hands. Does anyone, (oh please Internet help me-I beg of thy), know where I can find something of the sorts at a reasonable price? I looked at quite a few places today and found nothing. Everything that was long enough to rock stretch pants was either club clothes, or tween-ish---I need hip Mom wear. Help!

• My stomach is not thanking me for the choice of food court lunch today. I need to go back to not caving into my hunger and eating. I did have a salad, but that was the side to the.... nasty greased up pizza I shared with Addison. I need to go down stairs and clean up that treadmill down there that is right now hosting all of my junk that has no place in this house. The junk must find a place soon, because my own junk in my trunk that is getting larger by every bite of nasty pizza, must walk on it.
• Back to school. I have this thing that my kid MUST wear a new outfit to the first day of school. Granted it is Pre-K AND still August, but it is a must. I searched feverishly today to find something sort of Summerish that he could wear and came up with nada. I am all worried and my panties are totally in a wad that there is a slight chance my kid might have to attend the first day of school with (gasp) shorts and a shirt he has already worn. I am a horrible Mom. I need to go back out and shop---FAST.
• Did I mention I went to the Mall today? I just should have called it that at the start of this post instead of random crap, because it is not so random. I just so happened to notice that every single one of these bullets has to do with ... the Mall. Way to be original Aimee!

Summer Low Down

I am so behind on my own life on this blog, that I am thinking about giving up the "Summer" recap and letting a fresh, non overly scheduled, Fall ensue. However, my crazy brain is starting to worry that someday my kids will look back and think I forgot about them in all my blogdom, and turned this "online scrap booking" into a blog about me. Well kids, it is sorta true, but I would hate for you think there was big void in Summer 2010 all because Mommy had an epiphany with Eat Pray Love, and went to BlogHer 10'!

So Alas, a recap (hold on to your underroos/dungarees/clam diggers--for this will be a LONG one)...starting with.... well a story about ME! (ha)

• Two weekends ago Pete and I packed up for an overnight to head out and see these peeps:

Counting Crows and Augustana! We had amazing seats, free drinks, and they even sounded better then their albums! For once in my life I didn't want to gamble my life away in the casino when the show was over, instead all I could think about was ice cream. Homemade hazelnut gelato to be exact. It was fantastic, and I was walking around enjoying it, while on my way back to Pete at the slot machine, I ran into the band. Not all of the band, but many of the band members. One of my favorite songs that night was one that featured a rapper named Notar who tore the house down. Granted the Counting Crows crowd isn't exactly the crowd to be rapping too, but I loved it! I told him so while I ate my gelato, and he kissed me on the cheek while I high fived the other guys. Walking away I kept thinking--this so sums up my life. Random crap like this happens to me all time. Cool stuff that I wouldn't foresee but later think--that was cool! And crap I had my camera ON ME and didn't use it because I was to busy with the freaken gelato. I colored Pete with green envy, and then he found a wallet on the floor with money in it. We used the drivers license to match the face with a fellow slot player. We found her, she thanked us, and although tempting to find money in a casino--it was the right way with the universe. The universe gives me cool shit, I give it water in Africa, and a returned wallet.

• My Baby is silly:

• My kids not only read, they read together (for this one second at least)

• We went to see that big bird and his other furry friends

a day of Sesame seemed to always end in this:
There we are on the street:
rubbing elbows with those famous dudes:
The kids got to chill with their favorite peeps from Bermuda:
The boys bonded with a super hero:
We actually went out to dinner with all of these kids (and I am sure the waiter taking this picture was happy to see us exit right after):
Addison was not afraid to try anything and oddly a child (even if they aren't walking yet) has to wear shoes on rides, so we often scrambled trying to remember her mini crocs:
Rylan was psyched and star struck to run into Mr Noodle:
and I get motion sickness and hate heights even on a bad hair day! (can you tell?):
There are so many photos I would love to share with you my friends, but all to often I was mistaken myself for Cookie Monster in so many of the pictures that it only reassured me that I must return to the treadmill, and not post such unflattering pics on the Internet.

• Addison Caroline is into so many things now a days--literally and figuratively. She loves to talk--endlessly actually, but we aren't sure what she is saying yet--all we know is: "dog, duck, wow, happy, up, hi, dada, momma, daisy". She has taken her first steps this past week but I have yet to get a decent video of it. She still has pretty severe sea legs. Here is a Summer snipit of her:

Ponytails:

Ice Cream:
Munchkins....did I mention she LOVES to EAT:
Walking her walker:
Her little legs can do this for hours:

• Some of you may recall I used to write a blog called Spilt Milk about my local Mom's group and our happenings. I ended it about a year ago when all of us starting popping out babies, and schedules started to collide. This is how many kids we have grown into (started out 6 Moms and 6 Kids) keeping in mind one Mom with her 2 kids is actually missing out of this photo:

• Rylan is obsessed with a few things other then planes and rocketships lately! All he wants to discuss now a days is snakes, Disney World, and these things (this one happens to be our new "dead pet" which came across state lines in order to make him happy. A long 2 1/2 hours of smelly dead bod--mmm mmm good--this is love for thy son folks):

He also likes to talk about Bible school (vacation bible school) he attended this summer, and how he learned about (and not exactly in this order): God, Mary, and how to play bad guys with pretend guns. Yep, not exactly what I expected. I have been playing up the entire God and Mary bit, and trying to convince him that the little boy who kept shooting him with his pretend gun wasn't so holy or needed to be sprayed down with some holy water, or something of the sort. He also wants to know who exactly has a penis, and who has a vagina. I know he is totally going to be stoked I am writing this on the Internet but heyyyyy it is the truth. This weekend he asked me if his great grandmother stood while peeing, and if she owned a penis. And so I explained, again. And tomorrow he will ask about someone else, and I will have to explain, again.

• We ended our never ending road trip of Summer with our last weekend away to Rhode Island. It was a mix visit of family, and my son never letting us forget he wanted to return to the pond he saw the horseshoe crab in earlier this Summer. Rylan wanted to go there more then anything else on this earth. He must have known in his bones he would return with a dead carcass of one. And this is how our weekend there went:

We had fun in Auntie Kel Kel's pool:

Addie loves her some Kel Kel like something fierce:
She also enjoys her cousin Ava too:
They get along so well in separate floats:
And when they aren't they look like this:
Addison spending time with her Grammy:
Striking a 5 second sibling pose:
Grammy and her grandkids:
Rylan enjoyed tossing rocks toward the neighbors dog:
He loves a good pond. Luckily BOTH great grandmothers have one!:
Addie's feet wading in the water:
A little help from Grammy:
Rylan on the famous horseshoe crab pond that he spoke about all Summer long:
Pigtails at the sea:
Searching in the RAIN for his crab:

His Great Grandmother without the penis (if you are confused stop skimming my blog dude, and read back):

On that note, it sure has been a great Summer. Much more hip, and happening then last Summer when I was stuck in the house with a colic newborn battling post pardum depression. What a busy one it has been. This coming weekend will be my first weekend home in well over a month!!!! I am sure to be kept busy with poking at a dead crab carcus, and playing "who has a penis" in the grocery store. My only regret is not wearing bug spray as I have about 400 mosquito bites all over my body and I am thinking about bathing in some anti itch lotion. I am ready to get back in the swing of things with school schedules, starting to substitiute teach again, and getting out my Fall decor. I am literally counting the day until I see a sign at Starubcks featuring Pumpkin Spice Latte's! When that happens I might just have to make out with the barista because I will be THAT happy!

On a much more serious note: If you haven't already done so, or haven't told a friend too, PLEASE go to this post and vote to donate a day of clean water in Africa. I am completely excited to see 40 days donated by this blog already! I look forward to seeing if anyone else will take a moment to click or share the info by the end of the week when the program closes! Please give a little! No money, just a click.

I Am The $100 Question My Peeps

RUN to this website! It is worth $100!!!!!!!!! Blogher runs a $100 question and they decided to feature mine (and this website)! Go answer the question and enter to win (who couldn't use the extra cash!)! Winner will be chosen on Monday August 26th!!! Good Luck!!!!!

My Word I Seeketh

It's true. I dressed like this last night:

My guru totally told me to do it. Or maybe it was me pretending I had one. Whatever the case, I totally felt one with Julia Roberts in the movie theatre, and thought maybe, perhaps, everyone should wear such Indian/Bali inspired wear to Elizabeth Gilbert events. After all, this diary of a book she wrote, became my bible.

You might think when one calls such a book her "bible", that I would want to relive her story. No worries my friends, I am not getting a divorce and running off to perfect my Italian while eating pizza in Naples. For me it was recognizing the constant search a soul goes through and the wonderment of finding ones self/and or God (because to me they are one of the same). I get glimmers of this raw spiritual quest throughout life, and I always take a moment to be in awe of it. However, never did I, until this book, read someones entire journey from being at the their absolute lowest of mercy, to finding purely who they are meant to be. It was inspiring, and to me spoke volumes of spirituality more then a church has in years. After all, it is true that when seeking God, the only true place to find him is within yourself.

So I dressed up in costume. Went for Tapas with some girlfriends, and prepared myself for disappointment, because after all Hollywood was about to do a portrayal of my new found "bible".

It didn't suck. It wasn't earth shattering. It gave life to many parts of the book that I longed for, but I also lost a huge portion of it too. My favorite is her quest in finding God while meditating. I loved the part she felt the blue light fill up her spine, and I kept waiting for "Hollywood's" portrayal. It never came, and that bummed me out. I wanted more Pray and less Eat and Love. I am sure others wanted more Eat or more Love. For me, it was entertaining, but I find myself missing the book. Longing for this dang book I read last November on the beaches of Aruba, a place that fills my soul up. And so... I plan to reread that bad boy on the next vacation we have. I plan to soak it in, and pretend to be a new reader of it. I hope, and plan to take more away, and make use of her story by using it in mine.

I don't plan on going anywhere, or leaving anyone behind, but I do plan to make sense of all that I have learned this year (ex. meeting with Sylvia), and what I am meant to do. Sure I got the easy stuff down: I am meant to be Mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter, teacher...and so on and so forth. However, Eat Pray Love has left me wondering what my word is. What defines me? I always thought it was Spiritual, but since I have been sucked in to the busy life of Mom/Wife I have lost that part of me, and I am fighting like hell to regain it.

Do you have a "word" that defines you as a person? Sums you up without saying the hats you play? Or am I just dumb to think this is significant?

AWESOME

I am sooooooooooooooooo excited that thanks to all of you--this blog has donated A MONTHS WORTH OF CLEAN WATER TO AFRICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Wheels On The Bus Need To Stop For A Tune Up

Grocery shopping is supposed to be less taxing with only one kid then two right? At least this was my logic, since the older one often gets the "I wants" and often gets stuck at the lobster tank, I left him with his Grandpa. "Easy" I thought, when strolling in with just Addie. I figured I would give her a snack and breeze on through.

First she was hanging over the side of the carriage like a monkey. What I didn't know is she was looking for the best place to drop her beloved CLEAR pacifier. Who the heck decided CLEAR was the perfect "color" for a pacifier? Pacifier makers take note from this parent: it f'n sucks. So of course she dropped it, I didn't know this, and when I went to look for it when we were at the long deli line to quiet her, I felt the flesh in my cheeks color. Suddenly I was on a mad dash to find this freaken thing that is see through, and looks like the white shiny floor (sadly this is not the first store I have ever done this at). I ask the janitor of the store who tells me he doesn't speak English. I give up shorty after and return to deli line. Just as I was ordering ham I see Addie pointing to a aisle and making a loud noise. Addie found it! On an aisle I went over and over about 100 times and didn't see it, and this time it looked like it was "see" able for nearly any eye from any angle.

Something about this sparked "fun" in my daughters eyes. Suddenly the aisles of Shop Rite became her battle ground and I was her key player. She rummaged in my purse (which she normally does to pull out my keys and play with), and instead decided to take out my library card. She held it up, showed it to me, and dropped it while giggling. Surely it was cute the first few times, but by the 100th I just wanted to buy ice cream and leave. I know you are thinking about why I didn't just move my purse and the answer was because I chose giggling baby tossing crap, over screaming baby pissed off while I try to concentrate on my list.

Thank goodness the purse wasn't filled with anything to embarrassing. It would've added an extra element to it if she was flinging maxi pads, various medications for embarrassing ailments such as diarrhea or yeast infections, or appointment cards that implied a gyno appointment or something of the sorts. The list of fun things she could have flown out of anyones purse in public made me giggle in my head. Instead, I was fighting the giggling, jumpy baby over a library card. Whoppty do right? (yeah you try it about 10,000 times and tell me how "fun" it is)

By the time I got her to the car and clipped her in, she was sleeping. Apparently this game exhausted her baby brain. Luckily this meant my time to listen to MY music. I am so freaking sick of little kid music that I swear I am going to taking that friggin twinkling star and shove it up the wheels on the bus' back door. Then suddenly I wanted a raspberry beret for the love of Prince. This my people was MY kid music. Yes Prince. It blared in my car as the baby slept, and I couldn't help but think about my purple sweat shirt with Prince's face on it, that I wore in second grade. I'm not sure that deliciously sexy Prince sounds were exactly "of age" for me, but I was giving the finger to that John Jacob guy, This Old Man, The driver on the bus, AND Farmer Brown. I was too cool. I wore a raspberry beret and I didn't even find it in a thrift store. Ok I didn't really, but I DID have a purple Prince sweatshirt, and I would have rocked a raspberry beret if someone bought me one.

Kid music has totally changed in 30 years. (or there is a chance Prince wasn't exactly considered "kid music" and I just got away with it)

On most days I am pondering why the old lady swallowed a fly, among so many other things in stupid kid songs. I figured out anything with a high pitch, overly happy, annoying singing voice to a bip boppty tune will make my kids go ga ga, and sadly that doesn't me Lady Ga Ga.

Thankfully blaring Prince music with off pitch Mom singing keeps them asleep. Which made the day a little better after I almost lost my library card, and a clear pacifier about 15,945 times.

Oh, and I got ice cream on sale! Double bonus!

****If you haven't already please go HERE and provide a day of clean water for families in need in Africa! Every click counts!****

Water Water Everywhere, But There....

***Recently I signed up to participate in the Clean Water Blogivation campaign where if your blog receives the most votes, I could win the opportunity to join Dr Greg Allgood on a clean water expedition to Africa and a $15,000 donation to my favorite charity that is tackling water issues. Each time you vote, and get other to vote Proctor & Gamble will donate a day's worth of clean drinking water (2L)to a person in need in a developing country! Here is the post that I GIVE for change:

We are spoiled Americans. Not for our fancy cars, or roofs over our heads, but for our water.

We complain about leaky faucets, refrigerators that don't have ice machines, and the pressure of shower heads, when all over the world in under developed countries, people would die (literally) for such "problems".

We listen to such stories with saddened eyes. We feel so sorry for them. When the program is over and we can turn off our tv's, we go on with our lives and forget about them.

The babies dying of dehydration and hunger. Parents, just like you and I, in desperate search to save them. And you, right there, drinking your tall glass of water with perfectly cubed ice: what are you doing to help them?

We can not live without H2O. In our country, even our poorest of poor at least has access to that somewhere. We have public water fountains that liter all of our venues and offer a free drink to anyone wanting one. Our babies brought into this world don't have to worry about living in a country that does not offer running water, and their Mother's and Father's do not have to lose sleep worrying about feeding their child a glass of water filled with dirt, bacteria, and bugs. Proctor & Gamble has made it their business to make change happen. They have created small packets of a formula that makes such "dirty water", into clean drinkable water. I was amazed to see the demo, and hear about all they are doing. It was inspiring, and it made me leave thinking, just what am I doing to help this cause? My answer was absolutely nothing.

And you, who filled their entire swimming pool this Summer with clean water, did a load of laundry today, took a long shower, and made 3 gallons of lemonade for your family: what are you doing to help them?

We could never imagine in this country, how they are forced to live. How every air they get to breathe is a fighting one. Their surroundings may be different, but their hearts are the same. They love their loved ones just as much as we do. Imagine watching your people die over such a simple thing as water, and being helpless. Imagine wondering if you will make it to see your son's fifth birthday, or if your son will be able to see age five, all because of water.

So tell me, pregnant women in their ninth month of pregnancy, going to a hospital with sterilized tools: what are you worried about when bringing life to this world? Is it water? I am guessing not.

I am not asking you to give money (although if you have it to give to such organizations please do). I am asking you to take the time you surf the Internet, tweet on twitter, and post on facebook, to make a difference. A difference that can change lives. It is that simple.

And next time when you are drinking your tall glass of water, or swimming in that clean pool, you can think about the change you have made. The change we should all be making.

Help me become a Clean Water Change Agent. Retweet, post, VOTE. In honor of those struggling parents, and suffering families, I give to them this post, with hopes that it, thanks to all of you, will provide them with a clean glass of water today.

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Seasons Change With A Packed Calendar

Every time we drive by our local apple farm, Rylan says with great pride, "Soon it will be apple picking time, and Halloween". He goes into detail about he is going to be "Buzz" this year, and how we are going to paint pumpkins. In June I would have to explain that it was still quite a ways away, but today, it felt like it was right around the corner. Especially after the dream I had, that tomorrow was Halloween and I forgot to order his "Buzz" costume. I think this is stemming from the anxiety that the endless amounts of costume catalogs coming in the mail are giving me. There is something so wrong with living up here in the Northeast, retrieving your mail while in your bathing suit, and noticing your 4th or 5th costume catalog. Where on earth did Summer go?

Don't get me wrong, in the midst of all this humidity I am longing for some Fall breeze, and making pumpkin anything! I actually want to wear a light weight jacket, and be able to open the windows instead of having the central air on 24/7. However, Summer just went by way to fast.

In our last final weeks of Summertime fun, I was on the phone yesterday discussing our plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Shocking, I know, and oh so wrong when it is 90 degrees outside. The reason it was a must was because we were planning our "Polar Express" train ride, which is oddly completely booked every Saturday already between Thanksgiving and Christmas. See, I am not the only nut job making holiday plans! So this got the ball rolling about thinking of all the things we will be doing in a blink of an eye: hot chocolate, warm coats & mittens, watching the snow gather on the tree branches without a sign of life of a leaf, book reading about Santa, tree cutting, and so on and so forth. So many days to come when I am praying to see the sun before I have to be put into the mental hospital. Way to many days I will long for shorts and flip flops. Isn't the best day of the year when it is the first day post Winter that you get to bring your kids to the park? You swear you are going to live there for the next 4 months. Yet, that Spring/Summer season is about to close and I can count the number of times we went on one hand.

For one it has been way to freaken hot. Another, Addison is not walking yet and hates to be on the grass, this causes some park malfunctions when Rylan needs assistance. The most important reason for not going is our schedule is just so darn busy. It is also the reason this season seems to have flown by. I never got to make those homemade Popsicles or ice cream. Or have the yard sale I meant to have, or meet up with friends at the sprinkler park . Instead we have been away back to back weekends almost the entire Summer. We have battled many a Summer virus', and spent time trying to play catch up.

This will be the third weekend in a row I have been away, and it doesn't stop there, since next weekend we will be away too. Normally one would be excited about this, but I am exhausted, and just wanting to be home. If you saw my house you would see how it has been neglected all over, and that we clearly have been packing and unpacking all Summer long.

This is how time gets stolen away. This is why I am dreaming about not getting Halloween costumes in time, and why my back is hurting from various mattresses that are unlike my own.

I need a vacation from all the vacations of Summer. I need a vacation home. That place where the heart is, where the mattress is right, and where all of the Halloween decorations will need to come out of storage in less then a few months.

Vagina Talk

I missed a key opportunity to grab myself a free vibrator among all that swag I have been talking about. It would have done me some good when I dialed up Sallie Mae today. Nah, the loan operator on the other line telling me I owe, $^&*,000 wasn't making my vagina all tingly, now if they were GIVING me that money, and I didn't OWE it, maybe. Instead, I must have slipped up on my dialing and I rang 1-800-Free-Sex. I shit you not. I did, I swear I did.

What caught me off guard was the very business and sweet sounding women (with no Indian accent like the Sallie Mae person usually has) on the other end that greeted me with an exuberant welcome of: "Hello, and thank you for calling 1-800-Free-Sex. We are so excited you called today...". And I hung up! Yes part of me wanted to stay on the line to see how this very serious business women would turn into "now place your hand gently _____", but I couldn't. I was just flat out shocked that I had stumbled upon them instead of that bitch Sallie I was meaning to call. Although, it did give me a great needed laugh before I did get ahold of Sallie Mae so she could punch me in the crotch with this hefty number I can't imagine ever paying off for my over educated ass that isn't even being used right now. Unless we are discussing my one on one tutoring of my son I am doing (which really means losing my temper and yelling at him eventually for not paying attention and to outline the letter "R"--note to self: teachers really should not teach their OWN actual children), or maybe it is when I give people all the unsolicited advice because well.... I know it all and only one person can know it all right? (or wrong. But once upon a time I helped alot of people get off drugs so doesn't that count for something Sallie Mae? Good heart should = less interest).

My free degree in blogging should totally pay off that loan by the way, because nothing like a room full of 2,000 other women doing the same exact thing will make you more victorious. Or maybe I will apply for a part time job at 1-800-Free-Sex, my parents will be so proud, plus it is something to tell my kids someday right? .... or not.

The fact I wrote this post with the words: vibrator, sex, vagina, and bitch, just show exactly what a voice one American women can freely have. So many, many thousands of women can't even say the word no in public, never mind VAGINA! When thinking about my bloggy blog lately, and "my voice" (must pronounce this with a deep bellow), I started thinking about those women on the panel last weekend who fought to be heard on the internet. Women risking their lives for others to be heard. And even women, in our very own country, who didn't have a voice or a right to vote. Women who advocated for me to have a voice, and all of us loud mouths to do something for others. Pay it forward to the other vagina's in the world who can't speak because they have vagina's! And let's not forget to be thankful for the Sallie Mae beauttcchhh because thanks to her and my rights in this country, I "gots" myself a super duper education which you can totally see in this post right? Word up and to your mother.

Side note to my husband: if the phone bill comes in with hours of 1-800-Free-Sex billed to it, I was totally calling Sallie Mae.

To my fellow vagina's: Speak up, we can't hear you. Quiet women is not what our ancestors fought for, nor is it right to do when so many other countries have silenced vagina. A silenced vagina is just so sad and unwelcoming. Speak of something--anything, that can help someone and make a difference.

Peace comes with freedom of speech.

Last

I swear this will be my last post about BlogHer'10! (well at least on this blog, my review one will host some of my fav swag, and possible future giveaways!-coming soon)

Now that I am home, breathing my own reality, sitting in my same ol' chair, with my same ol' computer, and my same ol' blog, I have better perspective. And in my favorite form of bullets, this is what I have come up with in the BlogHer'10 aftermath:

• Small isn't so bad. As someone said in one of my sessions, "everyone in this room knows Dooce, but in the outside world nobody knows her. She can walk the streets of NYC and not "be seen"". This got me to think, Dooce the queen of blogs, big huge fish, and our blogging celebrity, is small in the grand scheme of things, which means I am a mere pipsqueak. This doesn't me my voice doesn't have it's place in all of it, but do I really need to try to make it my job? ...because as someone else in this awesome session said, "a job sort of sucks and a pain in the ass". Blogging in for fun. A hobby. To make it big you have to make it your life. I am not willing to sacrifice my life to my blog. I am however willing to use my voice.
• Using my voice in other ways is what I am going away with. My wheels are turning and I am wondering where I can make a difference. After listening to one of the keynote speakers from Mideast Youth, I started thinking, here is someone sacrificing her life to blog and help others, and here I am talking about baby poo. I was also inspired my an exhibit in the expo by Proctor & Gamble that are doing an amazing program to provide safe drinking water in places that have none. It spoke to me, and I started to think, "what can I do?". I am still working on that answer, but for now I am posting the info so that you can read it, and send it along too. Don't all humans deserve drinkable water?
• By reading my past blog posts you may think that the conference left a bad taste in my mouth. Although many points did indeed do that, many more made me think, "gee that made it worth it". So the answer to would I go back? yes. Just with way different expectations.
• Thanks to the abundance of swag (BlogHer'10 had something like twice as many sponsors this year which led to a massive expo center filled with freebies"), I am still sorting the pile of "keep" and "donate". I plan to do free reviews of products I like out of the pile on my review blog, and plan on making connections with some of the companies to not only enhance the review blog, and do giveaways, but figure out a way to give back as well. One of which, Proctor & Gamble, who gave me and two of my friends, an exclusive tryout of their new PUR water filter. We made no promises of speaking about it, but after all the good work they are doing over in Africa, it is a must. It all wasn't rainbows and sunshine though, I was unimpressed with the people from Fisher-Price. After listening to their song and dance, and watching one friend get a free $80 toy, another a cute Thomas the train, I walked away with 1 newborn diaper. I know this is sounding selfish on my part right now, but really?, REALLY? First off all I don't have a newborn, and 2nd of all I got about 12,000 promo 1 diaper packages in the mail when Addison was born. So tell me what I can do with this diaper of yours? (not even a package of diapers that I can donate to a needy family!) I got an idea, how about take all those samples you gave out to poor souls like myself that day, and donate them to newborns who need them. Give us a card that says "thanks to your participation today you have donated a package of diapers to _____ charity". Now that is something I would BRAG about. For now fisher-price can bite me! Playskool on the other hand, warm faces, no long song and dance, post cards to send home to my kids, and toys I can donate to people that need them (because my kids sure don't need it all!). There is such a long list of awesome people I met from awesome companies, and amazing products. So much so, I might have to focus a week souly on my review blog.
• Recap: Small Blog, hoping to make a difference, you can take your diaper and shove it, and yes I might get my crap together and make it to BlogHer'11 in San Diego! And most importantly--check out Mideast Youth, and the P&G Childrens Safe Drinking Water.

The next post is totally going to be about baby poo don't you worry!

BlogHer10 Video

Conference 411

Blogher has been part of my life for about three years now. When I stumbled upon their site and decided to apply to host their ads, I didn't do so with money signs in my eyes, as much as being part of something that defined me. B L O G G E R. Sure I am happy to get a check in the mail that covers a grocery bill every now and then, but feeling like you are part of a larger community that does something that you love just sounded so fantastic.

I always dreamed of making it to their conferences. I envisioned hugging, crying, and oohing and ahhing over each other, rainbows, puppy dogs, and endless amounts of defining who I am. I just thought this blogging thing connected us, and that it didn't matter if I ever met you before in person, I have read your blog, you read mine, and this made instant friendship and oneness. I seriously thought the conference would end with Kumby-ya's and weeping after it closed.

Well it such closed, I'm not weeping, infact I even left the Keynote closing speakers out of pure boredom and thinking my husband was right. (yes Pete, I love you, and you are RIGHT) He told me when I signed up that it was going to be like a big "View", and have panels of women talking a lot about nothing, just to hear themselves speak. Sure he was wrong with some (like this mornings international bloggers who spoke about their blogs in the line of activism and how it is pointing their lives on the line), but an entire sum of others was just that.

I left sessions. A LOT of sessions. In fact I only stayed for one particular session that I loved and finally "defined me" and made me want to sing Kumby-ya. It was naturally tiled "Little Fish Big Pond". The other sessions I went in, barely were worth $5 never mind $99 a day. It made me sick that most of them were surrounded by how to make the big bucks and bring in the traffic. Blogging for me isn't about that. It is about my voice, and as one women put it, thinking about one person you want as your audience. In my audience it is ME, and the rest I am blessed with. Also the community it raises and the sense of togetherness that I normally feel via the internet, but not at BlogHer'10. It was only at this session I actually felt like I belonged, and I think this happened because a) BlogHer forgot about us small fish and b) they totally fudged up the speed dating, and didn't inform us about where the flock lunch was, so that sense of "getting to know you" went out the window. I think this is key, and sets the tone to the conference, and it stinks that they dropped the ball.

The sessions were also so impersonal. I was so sick of seeing lined rows of seats instead of round tables to plug into and having hands on experience. I just wanted to feel less like I was in a lecture hall at a major university, to more of a hometown college classroom feel of feeling like I mattered and wasn't just a number.

Honestly, as this day closes, and I am totally excited to go to the Cheeseburger party tonight, I am unsure if I will ever return to this conference again. The swag is sweet, the getaway with the ladies is great (especially my two roomies Emily's blog has some good pics of our good times), and parts of the conference worthy, but it is a take it or leave it. And right now, I am leaving it.

The People

It started with the chick with a pissy face that ran over my feet with her wheeling suitcase on the elevator. I tried to engage her in conversation, after all here we are in NYC at this blog conference together. She pretended that she couldn't hear or pretend I didn't exist. I almost wanted to yell "HELLO I know you can hear me".

Or maybe it was the strange folks I have encountered that have reminded me that I need to put the computer/smart phone down, and join in human interaction. There has been way to many socially awkward encounters, and people rudely trying to pretend to talk to you, while vigorously twittering. No eye contact drive me batty, and there has been little to none up in this joint.

Could be the popular club that is leaving a bad taste in my mouth? People with small blogs thinking they are filling "big" blog shoes, while people with BIG HUGE blogs are humble and kind. It doesn't make sense to me. This shouldn't be a one upper type place, it should be a blogger love fest. At least I envisioned it this way. I just thought I would come here and feel like "these are MY PEOPLE". And the fact is... these SO are not my people, even if we have the same hobby.

Don't get me wrong, I have met some awesome folks along the way that don't drop in any of the above categories. People surprised me. People that have lived on my blog roll for years. I was wrong to assume how anyone would actually BE in person. As, I quickly learned, just cause you read them on the Internet, and know their deepest darkest secrets, does not mean you actually "know them". Nor does it guarantee you will actually LIKE them!

I knew I got all this assumption thing wrong when I was standing at the elevator as Sundry evaluated her welcome package. I thought to myself, the last thing she needs is some other person telling her how much they adore her blog. I don't know, I thought she would be like "oh yeah, great"(while rolling her eyes). So I said nothing, and then she pulled out the free, tacky, "why would anyone spend money making this item", Jimmy Dean clock. And well, I couldn't resist saying something. I smiled at her and said wittily, "Bet you are glad you snagged that item". And then we had a back and forth banter of making fun of this horrible freebee and I thought... this chick is cool shit. I actually like her BETTER then her blog. She even came up with the idea that a sausage should pop out of it when it goes off. I thought she was cool, and honestly if she had only five hits a day, would have thought of her just the same. Sadly, "big timers" like her, aren't exactly hitting up the sessions about how to "go big with your blog", so the down side is, I don't get to socialize with the likes of her, and stuck with the likes of people thinking they are on her type of blogging level when clearly they aren't.

I did get to meet a few great peeps. I especially enjoyed meeting the ONE person (seriously I would walk around with a t-shirt saying I heart Heather) I was absolutely dying to meet, and two other people I have read for years. All of which we warm, kind, and exactly how I anticipated them to be. I even met another "big timer" at a session she spoke in, (I had never read or heard of her before), that was by far the most down to earth cool chick, and I plan to be one of her loyal readers. That chick is SO my people.

I have felt a bit out sorts, and out of my element at times. I have realized I am 1 of thousands of Mommy bloggers out there. And it has made me realize, my blog doesn't have to BE my life, it just should reflect it.

In the end, Bruce Jenner was my favorite meeting. Bruce freaking Jenner talked to me more then most people at my breakfast table, or in line for swag. He isn't even a blogger, he is way more famous then any of us, and yet so much more... down to earth. He even made eye to eye contact, and his cell phone wasn't even in sight.

Dear Blog Where Are You Going?

While gearing up for the BlogHer conference I am not only packing up my cutest clothes, and picking out which sessions I want to attend, but I am doing a little house cleaning online (I am sure my husband wishes it was in my actual house :-) ). This includes rereading many of my old posts and seeing where this blog has came from. I want a clear, overall, direction of where this this is, and where I want it to go. And this is a post filled with a break down of what I read tonight (and organized).

My first blog post was this and this. A long way away from where I am now, but the very core of why this all began.

The most important, deep, and a long time coming post was this one. I am still trying to take it all in, and figure out where I go from there.

Some of the hardest blogs I have ever written are here, here, here, here, here, and oh god...HERE. ANd every year there is always 9-11. And there is also loss of a loved one. Ooo and Here. Did I mention Here too? And of course this one since it was quoted in that newspaper article and all.

Posts I wrote that made me want to spit my coffee out while typing them include the following:

HA , HA, HA, HA, and HAAAA.

A moment I shared with my blog readers that changed my life, was the entrance of her.

There are so many, many, many key moments of my life on this thing called blog. Some of which, still make me want to cry when reread, or laugh like I was just there. It is a blessing to have a place to come to and let your most inner thoughts rest. A blessing to be able to share them all, with all of you.