I'm Just Asking...

why?

(warning: this blog is chuck filled of bloggers personal opinions and was NOT written to offend any of her audience. Please read it with humor.)

...do curvy Mom's in their 30's think that it looks fashionable to wear skin tight jeans, and an Hollister sweat shirts in size extra small (when they are SO not a small)?

...is homeschooling still legal? Would it be ok for a parent to perform surgery on their child without experience or a degree? There is a reason people get degree's in education, and just because you are smart does not mean you will know how to teach.

...is the grass always greener? Then when you get to the other side you contemplate the last grass you stood on?

...is this land of the free made from "all man are created equal", but aren't treated equal when it comes to love? In this day and age, shouldn't we be more well versed that Love is Love,

regardless of your sex, and should have the "freedom" to make it legal?

...is American women NOT voting for the bulldog with lipstick getting a bad rap for not being pro "feminism"?when clearly people this is a political race that should be focused on who each voter feels will lead the country the way they would like, and NOT about vagina's. 

...when I watched 90210 in college the actresses were wearing jeans up to their belly buttons, and now they have skirts up to their va-jay-j's?

...does local suburban kids living in middle/upper class America think that wearing their pants low, putting a hat backwards, saying some slang, and using the F bomb often means they are gangsta bad-ass? I just want to take them by their little well fed, and educated necks and drop them in the REAL ghetto--how gangsta are you now my friend?

...is Heidi still dating Spencer when he is such an obvious douchbag?

...does celebrity Mom's widdle themselves down to a size 4 after 3 weeks of giving birth and state that they haven't "dieted"? 

...ask why drink bud dry? (huh what...oops I got all caught on the why thing)

pondering is a bad habit of mine.

He Likes It

Do you remember this commercial about Mikey and his Life cereal?

My child should be Mikey because lately he "hates everything" when it comes to food. Lately all he has been willing to eat is yogurt, and snacks. Every single meal I have prepared for him in the past week or two has been tossed on the floor or spit out. What's a Mom to do?

After talking with some fellow Mom's and reading some parenting books I have realized that this is a typical phase for kids to go through. Sometimes they feel like eating the world and can't get enough, other times they are merely eating two Cheerios and calling it a day. Sure I am worried about the nutritional value of what is doing into his system--but if homeboy will eat a hot dog or a happy meal--I tell ya what people--for now he is getting it. Sure I have heard that you should put a kid to bed hungry so they get the lesson that you eat what you are given--but who will feed the child in the middle of the night when his belly is rumbling?

All I do know is this...I am getting sick of making him meals and watch it get spit out and tossed. It is like the prince sitting on his throne wants only oreos for dinner, and when he gets chicken and noodles he tosses it as a big F_U to his cook, maid, and full time worker...his dear Mother. I recently told my own Mom that I couldn't wait for Rylan to be old enough to prepare his own meal, and use his own time instead of wasting mine. My Mom got a giggle out of this since I sounded like such a "Mother".

This weekend my Mother in law made some Portuguese Kale soup. I know as a baby Rylan enjoyed it but thought there was NO WAY he would eat that now. Funny. I was wrong.
That kid ate an entire bowl of it! Finally something GOOD for him. I wanted to shout to the world, "He liked it..He really really did". 

So now what...I have a constant stock of Kale soup in the house?... certainly not. The lesson I learned from this is I just have to keep exposing him to other options even if I think there is no way he will touch it. As I was strolling the aisles of Trader Joe's today I was thinking--what might he like? What is healthy in disguise? and What will I eat if he hates it? Just then we nabbed a sample of Tomato and Roasted Red Pepper soup--and he chugged it like a college student would a shot of cheap Vodka!

I thought the days when I had to switch is formula a million times, or switch baby food because he would cement his mouth shut were over! Apparently that was just the beginning...

So if you see me out and public and my kid is happily eating, please don't mind my shouting when I quote "He liked it", with the same excitement as the first time he walked, or pooped on the potty!
Motherhood brings many shades of excitement into the world. Next week we might even consider trying Life cereal!

Goodbye Cute Siggy And Cute Baby...Hello Big Boy

When Rylan was the exorcist baby and puking his guts out, I sought sanity with an online board for other moms with the kids the same age experiencing the exact same reflux issues. I learned volumes from them, and only was able to cure it by words of wisdom they gave me. I lived on that board then as much as I live on this blog and facebook put together now (yeah I know I am talking SERIOUS hours). Thank god for the reflux queens of 2006--they saved me and my baby.

Since they all had cute signatures I had to seek one out for myself. I used it alot when he was a baby, and now it would just look silly signing off my e-mail with this big thing, and a bunch of pics of my baby that is now a toddler. Could you imagine how silly it would be if I kept it and he was off to college and I was still signing off this way? (poor kid would be in therapy because Mom can't get over that he isn't a baby anymore)

It is too cute to delete however, AND the women that made it even matched it to his nursery colors! So here it is...a whole lotta cuteness that I had to delete from being my signature on file because now he is a "big boy" :-( ...but is now part of my blog history!

Crappolla Chicken...and other weekend musings.

Lets discuss what totally rocked about my weekend...

I made an apple crisp, chicken crappolla in the crock pot, a banana bread, and pumpkin bread pudding (yep it was a sure sign that is was raining).

I went outlet shopping with my mother in law and bought 3 pairs of Stride Rite shoes for Rylan for only $40! (normally 1 pair cost this much)--1 pair of sneakers even cost $12.95!

I put up the Fall decorations seeing as we are unsure of when we will be moving into the Blues Clues house. Now it not only smells like Fall (with Fall scented candles about the house), it LOOKS like Fall.

I needed a cup of flour to finish off my apple crisp and was out. Thank God my kind neighbor upstairs was home. She saved my cooking emergency! Soon I will be living in a one family home and will have to go OUT of the house to ask for a cup of flour from a neighbor! (pondering moment: I wonder what rich people in Hollywood do? with land and gates--do they walk miles and scale gates in order to borrow a cup of something from a neighbor?)

Lets discuss what totally didn't rock this weekend...

Rain.

Muggy weather.

Toddler two year old tantrums over everything, even over not being able to pour a gallon of water out of the tub, or being able to toss a hard ball at the tv screen to make a noise! 

Not seeing Pete all weekend thanks to the new house needing repair, and soccer (aka. the other women). 

Football. (every weekend from now until the Superbowl I will be listing this one)

And lastly....envying the cutest Carters t-shirt at the outlet that said "Big Brother", and waiting for the day I can actually buy it.

Puzzling

It happened again. I got an e-mail from her. 

As many of you read last week I have been fighting an inner battle with trying to find an old friend. The two years of trying to find her, and get any type of feedback from her (even a "Dear Aimee we used to be friend, now we are not, get over it--I am ok" would do), have been draining, and worrisome. 

The circumstances surrounding this "up and leave em'" approach that she did, has been plagued with odd, torturous, and concerning clues. The latest being no e-mails from her in two years, and then suddenly in a time span of two weeks, two e-mails from her account from  a hacker, and an updated picture of her on facebook. 

I wish I could share the rest of the circumstances with you. Why I am so darn concerned about her, but I can't. I still feel loyalty as her friend not to tell all of her skeletons and things she told me in confidence. I can tell you this....I am concerned for a reason. I just want to know she is ok, and happy. 

So there I was again, in front of my buzzing computer, seeing her name in my inbox. How could I not have a glimmer of hope that she is e-mailing me telling me she is sorry she has been MIA, now lets get together and catch up! Then I open it and see it is a similar hacking e-mail and my heart sinks. 

Needless to say this was the hot topic in my therapist office this week. I divulged all of what I knew to her and sorted through when enough will be enough for me. The therapist after listening to what I had to say asked me to consider that I may not have known this women as well as I thought I did, and maybe, just maybe, she was good a pretending. I said regardless of this factor --if she is in trouble, or in bad space, I just want her to know there is people in this world that love her. Maybe she is just fine, and living a perfect little life in Staten Island, and just plainly thinks Aimee Dos Santos was so "yesterday" in the friendship department. Regardless....I need to know.

For my own sanity I need closure. I am not sure how closure happens when the other person isn't involved in being an active participant. I have already tried letters, and I still can't let it go. I feel it in my bones that something just isn't right. So forgive me, my blog friends, if I write about this a gazillin times until I get to the bottom of them, and find out once and for all if my old friend is in deed ok, and then I will be able to move on with closure. 

Has anyone ever experienced a good friend walking out of your life without any ideas on why? If so do you ever think about it, or have attempted in finding them? 

Any ideas on what I could do to settle my soul?

It's Raining It's Pouring...

The joke is on me.

It is raining and I am sleepy. I have yet to take a shower today, and I am in my sweats. It is that kind of day. 

I thought Rylan was feeling this way too. As he began to yawn at 11am and I began to think he wanted to take an early nap. So I put him in his bed all cozy and snug, dreaming of possibly doing the same in an hour or so.

An hour goes by...he is still talking in his crib. "Hi hop hop. Hi Pigeon. Raining. Outside. Raining" and so on and so forth. 

Another 1/2 hour goes by and he is chatting it up like his God mother Christina does with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, on the beach. (I KNEW he was learning bad habits from her...bad habits that are keeping my kid from sleeping because he doesn't know how to HUSH. And I prayed for months for this kid to start talking....silly silly me.)

So I try to hush him along. I attempt to lay him down, and it doesn't work. Then I attempt to rock him in the rocking chair when he begins to poke my eyes and labeling them, "eye eye eye". I turn him over my shoulder and he points to the windows, "raining". Crap I think, he is NOT going to sleep.

So I am desperate at this point. I NEED my kid to sleep today. 

I dim the lights in the living room and put him on the couch. I stick in the most chilled out dvd he has, and wait in romantic lighting to see his eyes get heavy.

And they don't......

CRAP. 

It is raining and pouring...and the old man MIGHT be snoring, but I can tell you this....the toddler ISN'T and either is the MOMMA!

Dear Fellow Blog Writers,

I NEED SOMETHING TO READ!

I have tuned into your blog about 5,000 times today hoping that you have updated your link, but all I see is that same crap headline I read a week ago, or that same darn pic of your kid that I admired and squealed over days before. I have now spent not one...not two...but THREE measly days awaiting some updates. I follow your invigorating blog for a reason people---up the anty already for God sakes!

I know this doesn't apply to all of you. Thank GOD "Mama bird" had something juicy to say about Sarah Jessica Parker, and a rude man dissing moms--because I was about to hang myself off the hypothetical blogesphere tree. Praise Jesus McCashew gave me the low down on her jury duty experience, and Perez Hilton updates his blog minute by minute on all the new celeb gossip--because most of my blogs I follow are in---total 100% "we are the world ",snooze fest. 

I know some of you work, some of you are busy about your life, and so on and so forth...but imagine if your favorite tv show came on everyday and for three days all they did it show a rerun! Is it in the air? Did I miss a blog meeting that stated we were supposed to go "dark" this week? ...because people...nothing is happening out there--and SOMETHING--ANYTHING needs to happen.

Hi. I am Aimee Dos Santos and I am a blog addict. 

It is sad I know. I live to read about your daily life and I get gleeful when you write more then one post a day. I can not help checking every hour on the hour to see if you found any inspirational juices today--it is a habit. Some choose weed--some choose coke--I choose blog reading (and according to my husband writing it too).  But think about it my dear friends...if you write a blog--you probably read one too...hopefully this one. And in hopes I didn't seriously ruffle your feathers, or get any ones blogesphere panties in a bunch..I hope you continue to do so. 

I know there has been plenty of times when this blog has been snoreville. Paint drying might be more exciting--or you might rather poke your eyes with pens instead of looking at another picture of Rylan. I get it. I to get writers block (which I guess is better then jock itch). But if a day goes by and I haven't written anything ...I really --honestly--think about my blog "addict" readers, and know I need to toss them a bone!

And ladies and gents.....this addict is over here barking.......

THROW ME A BONE already! 

Sincerely,

Aimee "patiently awaiting" Dos Santos

Playground Dating Take 2

It is a BEAUTIFUL day here in CT, and I could not resist letting Rylan run off some steam while I bask in the sunshine with a cool breeze. I had not anticipated dating today, and threw on a pair of stained jeans, and a cotton long sleeve Dave Mathews T-shirt. I certainly was not looking like the hippest mom on the block, but today I was thinking about sunshine and comfort, not fashion and beauty. I should have known better since I was actually going to the park.

A few weeks back I posted a little diddy about Playground Dating and if you read it then you will understand the reasoning of this post (and if you haven't read it, take a minute to check out the link).

I rolled up in Toyota Matrix surprised to see so many cars around at this tiny park. As I parked my blue baby with four wheels, I noticed I was parking behind a Subaru. Why does this matter, you may be asking? ...because last time I was here and wrote the last post, I had noticed that Miles' mom was getting into a Subaru, and it happened to be the same color. It might sound totally lesbianish of me--but in this moment I totally got excited for the possibility to connect and got the butterflies--luckily NOT the "I want to make out" kind--just the "Oh yippeee I get to make a new friend today". So no worries people I am NOT leaving Pete for a women! :-)

 I was nervous.  I needed a drink.

Unlike dating when I was single, I was not at a bar, pretending to look at a martini menu, with blaring circa 90's music, and sipping on "Gin and Juice". This was indeed a different type of dating, and bringing "Gin and Juice" would be perfectly unacceptable, and so not what the cool kids do. I mean who wants to befriend a drunk? But think for a minute people...didn't having that drink in your hand settle your nerves a bit when you went over to some hot looking dude and ask him to dance? I know when I was just pretending to be friends with Pete, the only way I could be around him and settle my butterflies was with a drink in my hand.

Suddenly I realized I had to be grown about this and take the bull by the horns. I thought to myself, I am just going to go over there and say "whats up".  So I saw her son was on the slide, and of course mine headed for the swings. Even though I whispered in Rylan's ear with an encouraging "don't you want to go play on the slide", he continued to ask "more swing". So there I was swinging my son, and hearing her say to her son, "don't you want to go on the swings". Inside I giggle a bit and think here were are two grown women, following our kids all about, trying to make friends, and we are circling each other like two teens at a school dance. 

At some point we caught each others eye and waved. Eventually our kids were playing together and shared a few hugs since this was the third time they have been around each other while listening to their moms make small talk. Friendship to them was easy--it was as simple as it could get--share a ball, then a hug--instant friendship. I couldn't help but think about how complicated this aspect of life will be for them as time goes on. They won't always be able to share a ball and a hug, and be at social ease. 

They kept running away from each other to do other things, while us moms tried are hardest to gather them together. At one point Rylan asked to leave and I asked him "Can you go over and say bye bye to Miles?"....thinking to myself, I have to AT LEAST get her name. So I went over to enter more small talk, hoping to lead into "it's nap time", and then say a "hey by the way my name is Aimee". We had more exchanges about tv shows we life, where we live, and how I just bought a new house. This was good signs I thought, more then just surface talk. 

This chick is cool. She is everything I am not. She is chillax. She always brings a gazillion toys to the park with her and lets all the kids of the land play with them. I could never do this, I would be too busy keeping track of what kid was playing with what, did they put it back, and are they drooling all over it. It is also obvious she could care less about what others think, which is another little something I need to learn more of. She seems like the Urban Outfitters, her own style, pixie cut, type chick. I am excited to get to know her.

And then Rylan yawns, and I announce it is time to go, and that we hope to them soon. And her name is Danielle. 

Do You Need Some New Ideas What To Feed Your Kids?

Your answer is Kraft ! 

I thought I would never use this magazine and that it would be filled with just advertisements--but I figured since it was FREE I would give it a whirl....and man am I thankful I did! I love the seasonal ideas for food, and they not only give you a great amount of ideas for casseroles, and entertaining, they also give you some very healthy ideas as well!

RUN to the Kraft website and sign-up and enjoy some new ideas to fill the family's bellies!

(and NO Kraft did NOT pay me to say this)

The Dr. Is In

Feeling Sleepy? check.

Get Headaches often? check.

Feeling like you want to sit on the sofa and eat chips all night? check.

You have: your lazy ass needs caffeine and a treadmill.

I have self diagnosed myself without 85 different things. I am probably going to croak while typing this from one of them, or grow a large tumor on my leg so I can't walk. Maybe I will start to hiccup and not be able to stop? 

I have a new obsession and its not web MD. It is TLC's Mystery Diagnosis! Some how this show sucks me in from the get go. It is always some story about someone that has gotten missed diagnosis and scathed death before some wonderful, smart Dr. figured out the answer. All of these odd diseases they speak of makes you think about the gazillion things out there that any one of us could be walking around with! I know....how gloom and doom right? Some how all of these people have such common symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or dry eyes. So all of us viewers are thinking to ourselves--maybe I should call the Dr. tomorrow and make an appointment!

With not having a diagnosis with whatever I have had for over a year it makes me extra concerned (and I am a worry wort to begin with). Thank god when I went to the Hematologist last week it seems things are getting close to "normal"--but the fact that it isn't yet is worrisome.  

The human body is odd. As I watch this show in horror from each story I think to myself and reasoning what symptom is worse then the other...I much rather be stuck with life long public embarrassing gas then a tumor that will not stop growing on my body (although maybe I can use that as an excuse for my growing ass fat --"oh don't mind me it's just a ass tumor") or hemorrhoids the size of Japan then a blood disease that they have yet to figure out the cure for and is fatal!

Needless to say I am stocking up on Beano, some preparation H, and taking a hearty vitamin just in case!

Remind me again --why do I want to move?

It is Sunday.

Noon.

My child is sleeping.

And I am listening to a beautiful array of crack-pop-boom that continue to jolt me out of my seat.

I look for the moron outside that thinks Sunday-Noon-Sept. days call for fireworks.

The moron is my neighbor. 

My neighbor with two small kids of his own.

Although we are far from the 4th of July--I am tempted to go out and buy some loud blow up shitz to pay him back when HIS two year old is sleeping!

It is taking all of me not to go out there and rip him a new one! Believe me if the toddler wakes--he shall pay!

I will not miss this WT neighborhood. Not one bit. 

Apple Picken' Socky Shot Weekend

What a weekend!

Beautiful weather, family, and for the most part happy kids=great success!

My sister, brother in law, and niece, took the jump out of the "Stevie B" State (aka RI) to come and visit us in the land of nutmeg. We have been blessed for the past several months, with seeing them almost every two weeks. Rylan loves his auntie "Kel Kel" and his uncle "Kev Kev", and his cousin "Beva" (aka Ava). Although we live three hours apart, he acts as though he sees them everyday, and loves them all to pieces.  This was a nice treat since they were visiting US this time. 

<;div>

We kicked off our weekend with a yummy breakfast at O'Neils, and a tour of the "Blues Clues" house, (which always amazes everyone we show our new home too that we got such an AMAZING deal).  They were excited about our new home, especially since it will include a guest suite for all the out of towners that want to come and visit us! (which means them and pretty much only them)

We then headed for a beautiful day at the local farm to go apple picking.  We were a little put off by the amount of money it was for a bag to fill the size of a diaper. In spite of the massive amount of "down sizing the bag" and raising the price of it, we didn't let it rain on our Fall spirit. Rylan was in apple heaven, as it is one of his favorite words. We had the added bonus of his other uncle (uncle Charlie--Pete's brother) joining us. Rylan insisted on ONLY walking with him, and every time I pulled out my camera to grab the Fall season on the digital screen, he turned his head like a movie star, and treated me like the paparazzi.  We still got great apples, and few pictures that are keepers. 

It was clear after the 100th meltdown that the toddler needed a nap, and apparently so did the preschooler at some point. So we headed home for a bit. The preschooler wasn't so "game" for napping at her aunties house, so her father had to take her for a two hour ride. My sister reaped the benefits of this, as she joined us kid free for the Fall festival downtown. We scarfed up some books for a buck, and bought Rylan some fancy pants shoes.  

The day ended just as it should. Socky shots.

We went to the local hibachi place, which I thought Rylan would love since he LOVES to watch me cook--but apparently he is afraid of fire, and hates noisy atmospheres. You think this would have dampered our mood--but not to worry. First off I need to announce I was the first to catch the zucchini in my mouth when it was tossed at me! When the hibachi master decided to take out what looked like an ordinary ketchup bottle and offer squirts of a ever running stream to each mouths at the table, it didn't come to me that it WASN'T water, until it was my mouth streaming and the guy yelling "go go go" to me. It was socky. I couldn't help but reminisce about the college days--except now we were doing this with our kids on our laps! My mother in law opted out of the fun, which really stinks since it would have been the BEST blog picture EVER! 

The night ended with the entire household in bed by 9:30. 

Here is some shots from the weekend:

Cousins ready to roll in the wagon
The farm on a beautiful day
A boy and his dad and his apple
I pick THIS one
Cousins who love each other (this is the cutest picture EVER)
Ava finds her pick
The Marini Family
Uncle Charlie and Rylan
Love in the apple fields
Look I am a sheep
flying up into the blue sky
Happy to be with his apple
Pumpkin searching with his apple
The kids looking for a pumpkin
Pete and Ry in the pumpkin patch

Eating Hibachi on Pa Pa's lap
Scared out of his mind and stuck to his moms head
The Dos Santos Family
The Marini's
Rylan and his uncle Kevin

Processing the Why

The pit in my stomach has yet to go away.

I miss my friend.

She was an old boss of mine that I found true beauty, humor, and unconditional friendship with. She saw and was aware of all of my flaws, personally and professionally, and still thought I was worthy of her friendship. We used to laugh alot, and drink gallons of coffee together. We both worked hard to help teenagers plagued by drug abuse, seek a better life. We both had a love of Dave Mathews that could be considered addictive. She inspired me to do better, want better, and be better. She had been through an incredible amount of life's crap and had just found a stable ground to stand on. She always had the right words to say. She made a mean margarita, and cake with fondant. She was the reason I started to scrapbook, and the only women on this earth that made foofy mom stuff (she was a mom of two) seem cool.

I loved her. Even her flaws. And some how she left.

She was my first Project Say letter. I wanted to tell her how she impacted me, and others, and that missed her. I have tried to find her million times. Sent e-mails to her, requested her friendship on facebook, --everything and anything just for a word that she was ok and alive. Pete wonders when I will give up. Will I ever give up?

The last time I spoke with her I was newly pregnant. She congratulated me and said "I just want to tell you I might not talk or see you for awhile but just know I love you". I thought that it sounded a bit weird but thought nothing of it since we now lived in two different states, had two different jobs, and were very busy. Now....I wonder what she meant. Her last words to me...

Did I do something wrong? Am I that bad of a friend that I don't deserve a why? 

I hate when people walk out of my life without a why. It is easy to deal with when it is some boy you went on a date with that never called you back--but a friend that you invested time and love in---it is plain out the worst thing anyone could do to me.

I am worried about her. 

Just when I was starting to let go of tracking her down today happened. I just finished telling my friend I didn't know what to blog about today--and WHAMO --here I am. I got an e-mail from her...an odd e-mail. I was so excited to see her name in my inbox and leaped to open it. It was some advertisement and is an obvious sign that someone hacked into her her account and sent it to everyone on her address book. I saw her husbands e-mail address on that and FINALLY thought maybe I could convince him to at least tell me she is alive and well (that is all that matters at this point). 

I feel so empty. I wish it was her telling me why. I wish this very open book that I have carried for the past two years could finally be closed. Hopefully I will get a response and it will.

Finding Love, Seeing Life

There was many hours spent on the sofa in my upper east side apartment discussing life with my roommate. To the outside world she was one of those people that easily seemed to have it all together. She always looked like a million bucks, never outing in sweat pants unless she was on her way for an 8 mile (which she did often). She was made to work a crowd at a party, and could easily fit in anywhere regardless of the number of people she actually knew. She came from a strong, social, well put together family. She was a go getter, a seeker, and never thought any goal she set for herself couldn't be accomplished. 

Before she moved in we connected over our love for Boston. She was making the same move I had made years before from Boston to NYC. She didn't think she could love another city like Boston. I understood that thought--but told her to just wait and see. She was moving to the city to become a teacher in the NYC Teaching Fellows program (which is a city funded program which gives you a Masters degree for your 2 year dedication of teaching in the inner city). She never taught a day in her life, was coming from a corporate background, and here she was VERY tall VERY Irish, heading into the South Bronx to teach 5th grade.. While moving to a new city, with 2 new roommates, and a journey she didn't know was ahead of her. She had just finished running the Boston Marathon the Spring before, and felt like if she could do that she could do anything.

And she did.

She rocked as a teacher. Gave her 100% soul to giving those in need a well rounded education, even though there was a hiccup in her time spent there when the janitor took her disposable camera and took "private part" pictures of himself. She was a trooper. She still went in and taught, while still shaken at the fact this sicko that she saw everyday did such a thing. She pressed the school to do something about it, while not giving up on the kids that needed her. She became their rock, and she became a part of this community. 

Soon my new Irish roommate was listening to rap music, and using terms like "mixing in my Kool aid" on a regular basis. She inspired me. And I too applied for the program and became a teacher the same way. Without her, I would have never found the profession that makes me so full. 

Although she had so much going for her, she was really failing in one area. One I had failed at for years before she became my roommate, and that I have finally surrendered to and decided I didn't care to give all of me anymore to it. This was: dating. Dating in NYC is impossible. You would think that such a congested city you could walk down the street and bump into your possible soul mate in a minutes time.  Since I had already put in a few years trying VERY hard--to hard--to find someone right--I was able to understand her when she was doing the same. You have to dig through alot of wrong to get to right apparently, since the man I ended up marrying was right under my nose.  I got engaged while I was living with her, and although I know she was happy for me and that I finally had found the "right"--I know a part of her felt abandon in this tough dating city. My heart ached for her every time she would come home from a date or two and not know why the jerk never called back, or trying to make jerks right for her.

Fast forward to today. Katie. My friend that often lifted me up to be a better person. My friend that is determined to take on the world. FINALLY found her right. I haven't met him yet, but the mere fact that she is happy while not trying to hard, makes me smile. She got engaged last week, and I couldn't help but well up yesterday when I heard the special news. I am excited for her since she has been searching for this path for so long. I am happy that soon we will be on the same path together. 

In life we spend alot of time doing the "grass is always greener" thing. Instead we don't sing the praises of our present life enough. Katie so badly wanted what I have had for years now--a family of her own. I so often wanted  to return to the city woman I was and longed to be what she has been for years--a strong city gal. We kept in touch--but what we had as common ground was very little at this time in our lives. The excitement fell over me last night because not only would we return to common ground, she would have a family now. And god, I love having my own family, why wouldn't I want any one of my dear friends that I love immensely have that too.

Our lives have changed drastically since our Bronx teaching days, but man one thing is for sure...no dream is too big for these two roommates. We finally both made it to the other side of greatness.

Disturbing Fact #90210

When watching the new 90210 I was thinking about how I must keep the fact I am actually watching this a secret. Sort of like my secret that I watch the Hills, or occasionally the Real World sometimes. After all I am not a teenager or in my 20's! 

Then last night I was standing in my mother in laws living room. I looked over and 90210 was on. I thought that possibly the channel was left on from the show before it. I turned to Pete and quietly asked if he had Tivo'd 90210 for me. My mother in law hears me say this and says "OH you watch this too"----I shake my head yes in horror..."SO DO I" --she replies! And I think to myself....hell now I can shout it to the world. Not to mention the MIL and I can discuss over Sunday dinner what Brenda and Kelly are up to, and how mean some of the girls are in the high school! (disturbing I know)

Love In Aisle 15: Hardware

When you think date you often think of candles, great food, comforting wine, and good company. At least this commonly defined all date nights Pete and I have always been on.

Pete and I had date night last night--and between aisle 15 hardware and aisle 16 plumbing, we rushed about trying to settle on the color of love. Cranberry bog? Burgundy wine? Lava? 

Which then turned into the color of friendship--Lemon souffle? Wildflower Honey? Straw Hat? Soon we were in the middle of a rainbow--a lovers dream right? Except we were in Home Depot bickering about paint. A few hours and many spent dollars later, we had all of our colors picked, bought, and ready.

It got really racy in aisle 15 when he perked my perk by telling me we could get my favorite handles for our kitchen cabinets. I snuggled up to him and said "that's why I married you". What says love more then pleasing the wife?

As we moved over to aisle 16 to check out shower doors, I was nearly ready to derobe my shirt (ok not really...but play along). While thinking about which glass will disguise a naked bod in the shower, I couldn't help but think about how attractive my husband was in this very moment. 

All this love at the hardware store really worked up an appetite for these two love birds. We settled in our booth at a very romantic Mexican fast food joint, where we scarfed up the free pineapple salsa, and discussed how being a home owners has officially changed our lives in the following manners:

1. Free time from the toddler is spent buying and working on house

2. We are poor. No more fancy restaurants for awhile--dates must cost under $20 for food.

Which equals our invigorating--hot--date night at Home Depot and Sierra Grille! 

WhotWhoo for growing up and being home owners! Booooo for no longer having candles and wine at such events.

just a side note: we topped off the "bringing sexy back" night with a trip to Lowes! What is hotter then dry wall and plywood? 

Please Don't Pee On the Bumbo

I pulled out the Bumbo today for a friends baby to lounge in. Rylan saw it hanging around this afternoon and decided he could still fit in it. I asked him what he was doing and he replied "Pee Pee--Poo Poo"....and I thought to myself...I better hide this before that actually happens. Apparently the Bumbo looks much like a potty seat to little eyes.

No Sick Days For Parents

Remember the days prior to parenthood when no matter what was going on in your life you could take a "time out" and focus on numero uno? The days when you could call into work sick and spend the entire day in bed without worrying about another mouth to feed, or what to do next for entertainment while you lay on the sofa moaning?

I felt like a million bucks this morning. So good I managed to sit through Rylan's speech therapy, bake cookies, and host moms group. I felt like a new women since yesterday  I could not get myself out of bed in the afternoon.

Then the afternoon rolled in and I felt like someone beat with a bat and forced me to eat a batch of brownies mixed with laxatives. The sad news this time round I was without my husband to relieve me. I put Nemo on in hopes the child would sit quietly while Mommy snoozed on the sofa and pretended she was taking a "time out". Five minutes into Nemo he wanted a drink, fifteen minutes later he had a poop, ten minutes after that wanted to play playdough ...and so on and so forth. He is also not feeling like himself, as he uses the back of his hand to wipe his nose, and just wants to sit with his blanket and paci. 

Motherhood has brought some very wonderful things into my life. However I can pretty much guarantee that the days of having a "sick day" all to yourself, or sleeping in on the weekend, won't happen until they are well into high school (and even then you are up at night waiting for them to make curfew and to smell their breathe). 

Parenthood. It changes everything. Including sick days.

Don't Hate Me Because I Am Snotty

I am snotty. And not the "fancy pants pearl wearing momma with a nanny at the park" snotty. I am welcome to Fall snotty....and sadly so it my kid.

Just when I was about to dance in the street naked over the fact Rylan's ears were clear, Starbucks returned their Pumpkin Spice Lattes, and I finally found a class Rylan LOVES....we are stuck inside my uncleaned house, with hacks, and runny noses--with no Starbucks, no classes, and a good chance the precious ears could ring in the season with our very first infection! And all I get for this the lousy Sunday paper!

Yesterday I refused to believe such things were happening. Although I was wiping the little ones nose about 1500 times, I pressed on with, "he is fine" "I am fine" "WE are fine". We went to one of the local fire stations for a car wash, and a moment to give "Sparky" the firehouse mascot a high five. Then we went over to sign up for Gymboree since I had a $25 membership off if you signed up by the days end. I figured I would also let the toddler (and apparently the husband) let off some steam in open gym. I KNOW what you are thinking--you brought the snotty kid to Gymboree! I did, but in my defense his nose had stopped and for that time was convinced it was allergies, which it could still be!

Rylan was excited to be back in Gymbo land! My very adult husband also thought it would be fun to act like a kid a bit in front of the other kids AND PARENTS! I was often giving the eye of "don't do that" that I usually give to my 2 year old to my 37 year old husband. I often whispered under my breath "Pete calm down" "Pete kids are coming you can't do that" "Pete there is no playing soccer in the INDOOR gym"! The thing is if you know Mr. Dos Santos you know not only is he a big kid at heart, he also loves to embarrass and/or annoy his wife. So the more I got wound up --the more the man acted like the toddler!  

Luckily after the 45min. of open gym, I was able to be kid free from both the 2 yr old and the 37 year old. I went to Once Upon A Child to try and sell some baby items. They were so busy they told me to come back in an hour and a half to give them time to go through all of my things. This sent me on a hunt for a cow costume for Rylan for Halloween, which I never found, and returned to Once Upon A Child irritated--to just be topped off by the store. I waited an hour and a half to be told that they were not taking any of it (not even the brand new in the box baby carrier!), except for 2 sweat shirts that they promptly paid me $3.85 for! Are you freaken kidding me people! This has been my love-hate relationship with that store--I love to BUY from them since they are so cheap for name brand hand me downs (I almost bought a Janie and Jack shirt for $4.00!), I hate to SELL to that store, granted it is better then collecting dust in the basement, but is it worth the 25 cents they give me per shirt and send me going back home (EVERY TIME) with more then half of what I brought! I once brought in a very high end baby bag I got for free at a house my father in law was hired to clean out. The bag was being sold on e-bay for around $100--they wanted to give me $15 for it! I took it from them and told them not a chance, and promptly sold it for $150 on ebay the next week!

Our day ended with less boogers, some time at our new house, a vapor bath, $3.85 richer, no cow costume, and hopes this "just allergies" decides to exit so that we can return to the outside world without feeling guilt we may have passed it onto some other sorry suckers. 

10 Signs It Is FALL

1. Long Sleeve Shirts, and Jeans are now replacing the draws filled with Shorts.

2. Apple Picking is now available at the local farm.

3. Halloween costumes are out in the stores.

4. Starbucks now offers Pumpkin Spice Lattes, and other cold weather delights like oatmeal!

5. Flip Flops are going in the Summer bin.

6. Leaves are slowly starting to change.

7. School is back in session, and the bus is stopping in front of our house 4 times a day--not to be missed by bus-aholic toddler.

8. Time to change candle scents.

9. Signing up the kid for indoor classes to prepare for not so park friendly days.

10. Snotty noses. Allergies--colds--all sorts of Ahh-Chews.....not so fun--I would much rather have a sun burn as a sign of Summer!

And then there was Poop

Yesterday was a joyous day in potty training! While Rylan was in the middle of his session with his play therapist he looked at me and pointed to his diaper and said "Mommy poo poo". I asked him if he had to go and he said "bye bye poo poo" (which means in Rylan language get me to the potty ASAP). And then it happened...and I cried. 

On the same topic--Rylan's therapist had a stuffed rabbit they were naming body parts too, and he pointed to the tail that was low between bunny's legs and said "Pee Pee". Apparently all bunnies are BOY bunnies in my kids eye!

Taking Time To Remember 9/11

I woke up this morning, as I do everyday, rolling out of bed to go cuddle my toddler saying "UP UP UP". Today I held him a little tighter, because today was a very DIFFERENT day then most. A day that puts a massive lump in my throat once a year after experiencing the worst day of my life 7 years ago.

A few years before September 11 happened I was laying on the stone work patio that was placed between the two towers. The person I was with and I wanted to get the best photograph of these amazing buildings as we could. We didn't think about how nasty the NY ground would be since thousands of people walk all over these stones, we just thought of the beauty of these two towers and there part in making NYC what it is. We discussed the beautiful world fountain that sat to our left, and how it fit well with the feel and the meaning of this place.

This is the picture we took that day--not ever knowing how much it would mean to have it so many years later:

Ironically on this very day 7 years ago I had just moved back from NYC to Boston for a job. I left the city I loved behind, not knowing that I would be drawn back to it, and forever hold blame for not being there for my city that day. Even more ironically is that the person I took this picture with was also starting a new job that day.....at the World Trade Center. He made it out alive, unlike so many thousands of others. All that is left from the towers were beams, and a damaged world from the fountain we lay next too.

When I did return to the city for a visit soon after, I went down to the hand made walls of names and pictures of missing loved ones on the hospital grounds. It was a desperate attempt for family members to post a picture of the person they loved that was last seen going to work that morning, that they might had been seen after the events and that someone would notice them and reveal good news. There was barely any good news. When you experience something like this you age about 15 years, and your heart gets heavy, and you are changed for a lifetime. I didn't have anyone on that wall, but as a New Yorker, had I stayed, it could've easily been me on that wall, or any of my friends or co-workers in this city I loved.

Every year I try to take time out to remember since to often most just move on and go on. Last year I wrote this post and this post. I pray everyday my child never has to experience such tragedy, or fear. And if only for today...I will think of all those people who lost their lives today and were not able to come home and hug their toddler, who will not be able to roll out of bed to "UP UP UP"....They say time heals....but it doesn't erase memories. This part of history to me will never be forgotten. This picture always will have a place on the mantle.

Embracing New Life

Ahh yes, you read the title to this post and think "Oh sh*t when is Aimee going to get off this philosophical serious crapolla and get back to talking about funny stuff". But such is life my people...such is life.

A fellow mom to our weekly group Spilt Milk gave birth to a baby boy this week! (see pictures of this blessing on the Spilt Milk blog). I always hesitate when it comes to visiting people in the hospital, some love to get visitors, some despise it. My friend Pam called last night and asked if I wanted to join her for a visit over to the hospital, and bring the new mom of baby boy #2 some snacks, and cheer! We left the toddlers with the husbands and headed in hopes this was a mom that actually WANTED visitors (luckily she was).  We enjoyed hearing her war story of birth (some how once you have been there you LOVE to hear other peoples experience too), and happy to see the 10 pound bundle of joy (ohhhh yes ...he was 10 pounds).

Pam and I were fortunate enough to hold him. Not even a day old, there he was snugged up in his blanket, and now part of this world. There is something so touching to see such brand new life. A sense of the world is as it should be. A joyous feeling when you think just yesterday he came into this world, and is a gift from God. 

Children are not an easy edition to anyones life--it is altering and often overwhelming. However when you have 1, or 2, or 8, they define all of the essential life questions we have--what is love? what is life? what is my purpose?

As I held baby Marco, and thinking about new life, I couldn't help but think there was a time in my great grandmothers life, that she held my grandfather a day old, feeling the say way. Just as I had written yesterday about everything in life must change, it is true....life is a process. A process we all make our marking on, while growing, and changing, and becoming more of who we are and who we are supposed to be as each day passes. I realize this, as in less then a week, I have watched one life end, and one begin. 

What Makes The Two Year Old Tick Or Tantrum

Sometimes you have to wonder--am I doing this for HIM or ME? As an at home mom we try to keep ourselves, and our little ones busy in order to keep our sanity on either ends. We often find ourselves willing to chat with ANY adult willing to chat with us while out and about--especially if they have kids! It is our way of reminding ourselves that we have a brain that works beyond the Elmo theme song, and the hookie pookie! 

For two years we have enjoyed keeping sane by being part of our small moms group (aka spilt milk ) . Recently in the past six to eight months Rylan has loathed this idea. As we are pulling up to whom evers house is hosting he is already yelling "bye bye", and I have to fight him to go in. I first thought it was because he was being antisocial--but upon opening other doors for interaction I have realized it is not. I have gained friendships with the other moms, and grown attached to the other kids, I do not want to give that up! At Rylan's two year appointment his pediatrician said to me nicely as I rattled these concerns, "are you doing this for him or for you? ..and is it worth it?....right now it hasn't been. I don't want to deal with the clingy kid on my leg, the whining, and the constant sound of "bye bye" in my ear, while I am TRYING to enjoy some parent chit-chat with friends. I am starting to feel anxious when it is time to go knowing I am about to put him in a situation he would rather not be in. It is starting to feel more like a chore then fun.

 The odd part is he LOVES it when it is at his house lately---what gives?...the environment I thought?--Not a chance. Not only has he been to every ones home 100 times, he seems to flourish in other environments even ones that are brand spanken NEW to him. The kids?--Nope. He plays wonderfully with the kids one on one--just last week we had Melody over and they were like mini compadres all day! The size of the group--Nay. He has been to a few other playgroups that are even bigger then this, and does fine. I just can not put my finger on it! 

So what to do.... I am not sure. Maybe I should do a 50-50 and go twice a month--maybe I continue to go and torture him which makes me come home miserable--maybe I only "go" when we host at our house--maybe I will end up having to say "see you at moms night out" and move on. I am not sure. What I am sure of is that in any group, class, social, or educational setting...all can not stay the same. Us moms have LOVED the same for two years, and sometimes change just plain out sucks.

The good news is I am actively trying to figure out what he does like. Apparently it is Gymboree right now! In attempts to sign him up for a class that he would look forward to each week while broadening his social opportunities we tried out a free class today. I was worried when we first got there and he nervously said "up" and wanted to be held. Once he got a load of the fact I wasn't leaving and that he could climb on the structures, he was on the go and all smiles. I could not get over how quickly he adapted to this new environment, and those around him. I was impressed with Gymboree's set up, but what sold me was my kids smile. 

I think in the end it comes down to trying new things, and making sure your child's little experiences are ever changing and widening. His speech therapist has even recommended cutting back her time since he is so on the money right now! His ear,nose, and throat Dr. reported yesterday that he now considered "low risk" for hearing issues, and tubes. Next week we will experience a new playgroup made up from the moms at our MOPS table which should be interesting seeing as the kids will be all different ages. And I will continue to question in all that we do--social, educational, whatever it may be....who am I doing this for? 

Weekend Pics

After my grandfathers service, we went back to pick up the kids so that the family could enjoy them. Rylan had little interest with staying inside when there was a huge pond outside on my aunts property. Of course he had to get in with his best outfit on, and of course his mom didn't think to pack and extra outfit!

Looking for rocks to toss

Exploring with his grandma
Helping to keep his great grandma happy
Rylan and his Dad

Grandma and her grandkids

Kevin (my brother in law) and Ava

Boston

Last Friday Pete and I decided to take Rylan and our niece Ava to Boston. We enjoyed our day with the New England Aquarium, a dancing water fountain, some Emack and Bolio's ice cream, and a nice hefty parking lot fee of $34 for a mere 2 and 1/2 hours (YIKES). Regardless of the fact parking cost more then our entrance to the Aquarium, we had a great (but sweaty) day!