Accessories

Missing His Younger Years

I caught Rylan relaxing in this:

First I took a picture, and then I told him "sorry bud this isn't your seat. It is just for the baby".

Something Is In The Air

There is something in the air here in Connecticut. I think it is called Fall.

It is August 31st today and I dressed Rylan in long pants for school! I also saw leaves fall from the tree's, and admired how they are slowly starting to change color. 

I am ok with saying goodbye to Summer. We, at the Dos Santos house, didn't have much of one thanks to the whole giving birth, and having a newborn. However, we are not sad about seeing it go, because in our house it means not only the BEST time in this state is about to occur (if you never experienced Fall in CT you have never experienced Fall. It is stunning, and beautiful), it also means plenty of ocean vacations. We head to Florida for a week in October, and Pete and I are off to most likely Aruba in November! So I am ok saying--check you later Summer!

I love school time. On days like today when there is a chill in the air, and most kids in the state are meeting their teachers for the first time, I miss being one of those teachers. Yet, I am so blessed, and lucky to have another year at home to love my kids. I also love the new part of my life where I can drop my child off to preschool, and indulge in my little one.

This time of the year I get all caught up in apples, pumpkins, mums, Halloween costumes and decorations, and COOKING. LOTS OF COOKING. I also fulfill my Fall delight with Starbucks. Starbucks really shows the changing of seasons as much as the tree's, with their seasonal menu. God, what I wouldn't give for a pumpkin spice latte today! Since it it August, they don't quite have that up yet, so I have to settle for a non-fat caramel macchiato. 

I know you think I am crazy, all caught up in the idea of Fall already. Heck it is still August! You might even think I am more nuts knowing I actually bought Christmas wrapping paper last week because I couldn't pass up the great kid paper available at Christmas Tree Shops (I LOVE A BARGAIN--if you are reading this and live elsewhere in the U.S. and don't know this store, I am truly sorry for you, as it ROCKS!). There is something about having kids and anticipating the holidays. It is just a more joyous time now sharing it with kids, especially with new life in the house. I am sure Addison won't remember pumpkin picking at four months, or Christmas train rides at six months, but I will. 

I love this time of year. I am so ready for change in so many, many ways. I am so ready to share this thing called seasons with my Addison. 

Trapped

Stuck in my own body is tiring. I can not get out. My own jail, with my own sentence. If only I knew what exactly the sentence was. 

I have been having a fine few days. The sickness surely took it's toll on the moods in the house, but that was to be expected. 

What isn't expected is the crying. Actually, the kids crying is, but mine is not. It is random, and the reasons for them can not come out in word form when asked by my loving husband "why". My best answer is "I don't know". 

It is a million reasons.

Today it was in the car. The kids were screaming in the back, and I silently wept in the front. Pete tried his very best to console us all.

I want to run away to a far away land where I can just be "Aimee" for a moment. I want to be able to breathe fresh air without hearing someone complain, or cry. I want to do something as a family of four that suits every ones needs, where everyone is happy. I want to believe I am good at this Mom thing (because in my head I should be able to fix all situations, cure all cries, and instinctively know what my kids want and need--I KNOW...talk about high expectations). 

I want a break.

You would think my two hour nap was enough of one. Frankly, I could have slept seven more hours, and it still would not have felt like a "break". It feels more like a necessity to live at this point. I need sleep, and these days I can not get enough of it.

I want to forget the emotion sad for now. I just want it to go away and knock on someone' s else door. The thing about this sadness, is it is sneaky. Just when I think I am happy and having a glorious day, ... it knocks on my door, and I am down.

I can not describe why. This is why I am trapped. Trapped inside this body that I want OUT OF! Please hormones-stabilize, and sadness -GO AWAY.

Summer Cold

The entire house cannot breathe. I have smelled like Vicks for days. My poor poor two month old can barely suck her bottle because she can't breathe through her nose. Pete just wants to sleep. And Rylan...Rylan acts as if it has never affected a day in his life. 

Summer colds suck.

I mean really? How on earth can a cold be accepted at this time of the year? Making homemade chicken soup just doesn't seem right in August! 

I woke up at 5am to feed the little one, and instead of going back to sleep, I choose to stay up. Not to work out, or do anything fancy, just because I am upright and it makes me feel better. The hacking flem cough that is settled in my chest makes me sound like I smoked a pack this morning. My nose dripping begs me to return to bed. All I can think about is hot soup and when it will all go away.

One thing I am NOT doing is sharing this beast of a cold. One of my biggest pet peeves is parents that still bring their sick kids everywhere because it is "just a cold". For the record, YES I sent Rylan to school this week, but he really had his end of this cold last weekend when he then gave it to all of us. So no I did not send my little man to school to hack on his new friends and teacher. Seriously, I know parents that would though. And do those parents consider the fact that maybe someone has an infant at home? Or a pregnant lady? Elderly? It is so incredibly selfish for folks to think that just because something "seems" minor to them, that they have the right to spread it around. Do us a favor America--keep your sneeze home!

I am sure I asked for it. Gymboree, the indoor play area, and the grocery store without sanitizing the cart (Christina is gasping right now at that one), all last week when Rylan started to get it.  However, I just can't live my life in a bubble, especially not with a three year old.

All I have to say is AAHHHH----CHHEEWWW, and may the rest of your Summer be sneeze free!

The Wheels On The Bus

Ugh. Rainy days and preschool pickup equals MAJOR suckage. Especially when my baby girl is all snugged in her swing sleeping and I have to rip her out, toss her in the car seat for five minutes, rip her out of that and into the Bjorn, only to be panged with cold rain drops falling on her head. 

This of course led me to envision what it will be like when there is snow on the ground, and it is freezing cold outside. How will I handle that?

There might be an answer. An answer I am not sure I am ready for.

THE BUS. 

Now here is the thing. My cute three year old son still craps his pants, uses a pacifier to sleep, and on bad days when he refuses to eat you can see us shoveling yogurt into his mouth. So in my swayed eyes, homeboy is still a baby. I KNOW he is not a baby anymore. Of course we have to work on the potty training that he is flat out striking, the ridding of a paci (however he gets pissed when he isn't allowed to have his and his sister does), and letting him starve if he must. We are just doing it in stages since he just went through a major life change and became a big brother and all. Anyway, ...my thought is, if my son still craps his pants, and they need to get him a car seat on the bus, does that mean he is to young for this?

The good thing about the bus is as follows:

• they come to your house for pick up and drop off
• you don't have to shower because you will not see other parents or teachers
• you do not need to bring the sleeping baby anywhere
• you  have more time to get things done in your house instead of rushing off to school

The bad:

• he freaks out
• you never get to see the other parents (or as I call them the old geezers) anymore since you are now hands off
  

As the weather gets cooler, I am fastly approaching considering this and my question for you, my Internet friends is: Does that make me totally freaken nuts? Do you think it is to young for three year olds to take the bus by themselves? Please feedback is needed. 

The other good thing is Rylan has asked me for the past two days if he could go on the bus. I told him maybe when it gets a little bit cooler. Hmmmm ...to bus or not to bus? that is the mighty question.

Nursing Home Or Preschool?

Am I imagining things, or is this place an nursing home instead of s preschool?

Seriously. Old. Parents. 

I thought when I had my first son at 29 I was OLD. I had always envisioned when the day would come that I brought him to school that the surrounding parents would be younger then I am , and I would be referred to as the "old fart" of the bunch. Then when I met my Mom's gr0up I assumed all parents that had a child my age averaged somewhere in their thirties. I was itching to bring Rylan to preschool to Mom date again and meet even more people "around my age". 

Around my age? 40's? 50's? Endless amounts of grey hair, and even one with WHITE! A dad that CLEARLY is my father's age. Where was I? twilight zone?

I don't mean to sound incredibly biased of age, but seriously--is it me or are people having babies remarkably older these days? I am not against befriending these folks, but I am not big of a scrabble player, or lover of the Beatles or Elvis. 

I have found a few amidst the four classrooms brimming of kids, whose parents are around my age, and I am excited for new possible play dates, and knowing more people in town. However, preschool, has never made me feel so young in my life!!! I feel like I was a teenage Mom thanks to these folks! Which is great in some ways, and in others I wonder if they will take what I say seriously because I look like "just one of the kids" (heck some of them have "kids" "around my age" I am sure). They are probably thinking "look at the young girl who went and got her self knocked up, not once but TWICE".

Pool Of Light

A movie. A laugh. A date. 

I needed it so badly. We even got to talk over dinner, and NEITHER of us had to leave the table after inhaling our grub in three minutes time, to attend to a kid! It was lovely. Even better the table talk discussion revolved around our "parent only" November vacation that is fast approaching. We haven't decided on a place (most likely Aruba again), but we are certainly going to some island, sitting on the beach, and maybe for a moment, be bored. 

We also saw the FUNNIEST movie I have seen since Borat (my all time favorite STILL). We went to see "The Hangover", and by God I laughed. For that entire hour and a half I forgot about making formula, the fifty or so invitations I am hand making for Addison's baptism, my cold, and if my sweet baby had plans to keep me up that night with fun games like "fetch paci", and "who could be the loudest sleeper in the room" (man this game would be close between her in her father as the winner).  If you like sick and twisted humor like myself, RUN to the movie theatre and check out this gem on the silver screen (and I am not just talking about Bradley Cooper). 

This perfect evening led itself into a lovely next day. I thought it would stink since I had to cancel beach plans thanks to sick baby with a cold, but in the end it was a bonus (not that the baby had a cold, but that I stayed home). Rylan stayed with his grandparents all day, and Addie was feeling better. So I got a day of errands I needed to get done (like grocery shop) with just a Bjorn and a sleeping peanut. I also got to work out when I wanted to (not waiting for Pete to come home), and blast tunes like "Momma Said Knock You Out" from LL COOl J and feel like I was kicking some PPD ass. On top of all of this, I caught up on my soap opera AND started to push ahead with those baptism announcements. I can also state that there isn't a single dish in the sink, Rylan's clothes are out for school tomorrow, and is backpack packed. The best part is the baby, and I are bathed. I took two whole showers today. Can you see my smile?

I am thankful for nights and days like this. I can see that pure crappy, crawl in a dark corner days, can also lead to pools of light days. 

First Day Of School

We had a successful first day. Mostly because Mommy got to stay and it was only 45 min long. Rylan wasn't amused that they switched his teacher and the classroom he new and loved over the Summer. I am positive we are in for some tears on Thursday! Once he found an airplane in the new room he decided it wasn't SO bad, and he knew all the words to the songs they sing thanks to the Summer program.  

Adjusting to his new room:
So Happy for his first day back:


Ry and Mommy:

Boxing Match: Post Pardum in one corner, Me in the other

Dark. 3:45am. Tears. Lots of tears. 

The baby had yet again managed to squirm and sequel like pig, and she loses her pacifier for the 3,980 time this month alone. Although she has been doing great in her crib for part of her nightly sleep, this part of the night sucks. She must sleep with us in our bed, or she doesn't sleep at all. This always means one thing: I don't sleep. She is way to  noisy, and someone has to be on constant pacifier watch or else there is hell to pay. 

I am in my head. You know the place all the "crazy" is? And I think about jumping into the car and going over to my in laws so that I no longer have to sleep near her. Sounds so harsh but seriously, she sucks all the sleep away. Also, totally irrational since I do have a guest room downstairs. I start to feel my lip quiver after the seventh time of paci retrieval and my tenth time of trying a new position to calm her down. Then it happens... the flood gates open.

I lay in bed with hot tears streaming down my face, and thinking about this post I am going to write. It seems the only way I get out of my head is to write. All other forms of communication do not work. Why? Because I can not explain what I am "feeling" or "going through". When you ask if I am ok I am going to quite possibly lie through my teeth and say "why yes". Mostly because I believe that most days, and the other reason is I have no words to tell you why I am feeling crappy. I can only type them. Typing makes me not lie to myself.

It is hard trying to keep your crying as silent as possible so it doesn't wake your husband or the baby that is FINALLY sleeping. It is even harder to live trapped in your head all the time. Sometimes, it is just so overwhelmingly sad. I had given into the sadness. It is like a boxing match, me against depression, and sometimes just when I think I knocked em' the hell out, I am on the ground begging for a breath. Some days, I wonder if I can fight this fight alone, or if this fight is ever going to have a winner. When it does it better freaken be me.

Crazy

So I took a pregnancy test this weekend... and for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I was begging for that ONE pink line (a very different story then when I posted this- my my how times change). Luckily, thankfully, while playing pregnancy Jeopardy last night the board gave me one line and it was negative in the bank folks. Thankfully a negative. 

Can we just take a moment and just think about what it would have been like if Alex gave me another two lines on the board? yikes. Clearly I would be: a. getting wheeled into a mental hospital today, or b. begging my sister to take one of my kids for a year--neither would have ended well I assure you. 

Although 99% wanted that test to be negative, the other 1% lurks above my child baring abilities. I am not sure I want to close house. Most days I want to totally cement the walls shut, with a secure "keep out sign", with a "closed for business" one below it. Then there is other days I miss baby limbs moving inside me. I KNOW CRAZZZZZYYYY---Aimee is officially nutso! What is it that after two months of giving birth, and my memory of pregnancy not far in my past (and how much is SUCKED), I can even entertain such thoughts? This is the ONLY part of me that understands why OctoMom keeps having babies. It is hard to shut off a women's ovaries after you have induced them into business. And just so we are on the subject--how is it Octomom doesn't have post pardum? Crap. I watched her documentary and felt depressed just from watching all eight babies crying around her while her other kids needed her help.  p.s. don't worry my friends--I will shut down the house way way way before she did. 

You think with all the ups and downs lately I would be telling the world there is no such chance this chick will be bringing another Dos Santos into the world, but like all change, I am open. I am also 100% positive this time will pass, and soon I will look back on it and it will seem like mere seconds of my life. 

A friend asked me today how I was doing. I told her ok. She looked at her watch and kiddingly said well it is only 11 am we will give it some time. Except she wasn't kidding, but she knew how my days are, she has been there. Of course my noon I wanted to cry buckets in the car. I can't tell you exactly why, just because. Then Seal came on the radio and I began to sing along... "Oh we are never going to survive unless...we get a little crazy", and I think...PERFECT. This is the perfect song for my transition into being a mother of two. 

I am sure you are all awaiting some fantastic posts of how I crawled into a hole and not coming out, and that I will only communicate to the world through blogging. I feel like when you put something out there like depression, somehow everyone walks on egg shells around you waiting for you to break into tiny little pieces. I just want to assure you all--I ain't breaking. Sure I am pissed off that I am not writing posts about how this parenting two isn't all rainbows and sunshine. I loathe writing about a hard topic that I deal with more inside me, and rarely ever speak of. I hate for it to seem as if I don't want to parent my kids because that couldn't be farthest from the truth. I love them way more then I could ever love anything else in this world (minus God of course). In my core, I know for a fact, not only does blogging help, it also gives me hope. I will get there. I will pray. I will find small joys in my days to get me to the next, and before you know it my theme song will be a song of the past. My kids will be grown. And my baby making house...closed.

Rylan's Day

Sunday was Rylan's "special day". This meant an entire day with Mom and Dad and no baby sister. He loved it! He often reminded us that "Mommy Daddy Ry Ry is here but baby sister is home". We started our day out at the Bridgewater Country Fair where he enjoyed all of the animals, and the rides. We topped off the afternoon with a trip to Friendly's where he feasted on a "make your own sundae" but really only ate the whip cream and the candies. Here is some pics from the day:

I Spy A Sheep


Checking out the 5 day old Rhode Island Reds
Pretending to milk a cow
On the ferris wheel
Rylan's new favorite --bumper cars!

LOVED THIS SIGN AND HAD TO SHARE IT:
Pete fed the camel and he was supposed to. He was punished with a hand FULL of foamy camel slobber and I nearly wet my pants laughing (seriously a dripping hand)
Feeding the mini horses
CHEESE with the camel
Feeding a goat
Petting the BIG cow

Making good use out of the Boppy pillow...

My Mom Likes Bows

My New Review Blog

Lucky for me I have come across some possibilities of reviewing products for certain companies, and blogging about them. Lucky for me this might just include some free samples and some awesome giveaways. This will all come in good time.

In the meantime, I thought I would get a head start and share some things I have come across that I love, or even better, any item that I hate to help you not make the same mistake I did!

I am starting a new segment on this new blog of mine, that consists of a monthly roll of products I have come across that month and love. Check out the first installment HERE

I hope you enjoy my feedback, win some great stuff, and most importantly that I save you some money or make you want to run out and buy a great product!

I Have An Announcement...

Now that they are all in the mail, I can finally share...

announcements provided by TINY PRINTS

My Blog Promise

I am always amazed and stunned by the love the Internet gives. I mean BIG TIME LOVE.

Whenever I write heartbreaking-aching posts I always have my heart in my throat for worry that I somehow will not be accepted in the Internet world. That suddenly beloved friends, family, and readers will think negative thoughts of me, and cast me into their pile of meaningless life dust. Every time I feel like this, and I write on horribly difficult topics like miscarriage, infertility, Autism, and Post Pardum, BAM--I get MAD INTERNET LOVE. I hear other heartbreaking stories, support, encouragement, ...and best of all, I hear someone thankful I wrote such a post because it helped them get through the day, or made them feel like they aren't alone in it. That, my friends, is why I do it.

Recently someone asked me how I can put such candid, honest, topics that make people feel uncomfortable all up on this joint. I told them exactly what I just wrote in the above paragraph... because my painful experiences, just as my happy ones, are part of who I am, and can make a real difference it others lives. The lives of those that hide beneath bed covers, and never speak those types of words even though they are in it. Who likes to talk about a miscarriage? I mean the word easily can make a noisy room silent? and Depression--heck that will clear a room in an instant!

My blog promise is I will always be true to who I am and what I am going through. I draw the line when it involves putting other people out there that don't want to be known, or offending someone, but if it is about me you will read it. I promise. No matter how hard it is to write. So guess what people, next week a wonderful moving post on HEMORRHOIDS!!! HA! ok I won't go THAT far.

Thank you. THANK YOU. From every part of my existence, to those of you who reached out to me, and for those of you who thought about me afterward sending me subliminal uplifting thoughts. I love Internet love.

Motherhood. It is like a roller coaster. A large loopy one. One moment you are as low as the ground, the next you are climbing up to the most ultimate high, the problem being... this roller coaster you are blind on and never know which to expect on what day, what hour, what minute. And for that reason, and that reason only, this is a work in progress. The hardest job I have ever had. Yes -harder then teen gang members in drug rehab. Yes -harder then teaching in the Bronx. And for the record...those jobs made me cry alot too, and somehow I think I still TOTALLY rocked at them.

Love Her!

Waiting To Settle Looking For Solutions

After an incredibly long day of motherhood, I went to therapy. I went convinced I had nothing to talk about and suddenly as her door opened and my name called, it was like the flood gates had opened wide. I quickly found myself holding back tears trying to get my insides out.

My therapist said the words: Post Pardum Depression. I didn't deny them, nor did I agree. I did listen to why she said such a thing which was: "Before Addison you came in here with such high energy, and a spark about you, even when you were talking about the most difficult moments in your life. Lately I have been searching for that spark when you come in. It is gone. It is like a pilot light that has been blown out".

Part of me wants to weep at her knees, the other part what to say things like "But....blah blah blah" trying to discount what she is saying.

The fact is a week ago I uttered the same words to Pete while scratching my head in "ya think?" fashion. The other fact is I am still not sure or convinced and for the record neither is my therapist. What we both agree on is I a wearing myself thin and I need a plan to take care of me or crap is going to go down.

I am not overly weepy. Nor do I want to crawl in my room and never come out. I am completely attached to my baby. And if I could just take a moment to give myself some self love right now, I think I have done a pretty FINE job at handling being a Mom of two. I even think I have done it far better then I anticipated. However I am feeling overwhelmed, overly tired even if I get 10 hours of sleep, I have to self talk to myself everyday to encourage the fact that I will get through another day, erratic emotions--1 minute I am on top of the world, the next I am in a puddle of tears or have my middle finger to the world. The only way I can describe how I am feeling is I am constantly carrying a heavy heart. I feel alone even though Pete is going through it with me and is just as stressed after a long day at work. I stay in my head talking myself through it most days, which means I am convincing myself this is how it is supposed to be and that I am ok.

I keep comparing myself to the person I was when I had Rylan (SUPER weepy) and telling myself I am not THAT bad. I keep thinking about Brooke Shields and Dooce, and again thinking I am not THAT bad. So what exactly am I? ... I am not sure.

All I do know is that I am a Mom 24/7 lately and I need a little room to be just Aimee. People think I am insane when I am up at 5:30 working out, or having a work out after a long day even though I am exhausted, but I truly believe this has saved me thus far. However, one of the signs of things not being quite right is that exercise sometimes makes me feel like a million bucks, and most of the time makes me feel worse because I am constantly thinking about what I really "should be doing" with my time, and I end up more exhausted then when I started.

I asked Pete if he noticed anything different and he said no. So I am either always this crazy, or I am doing a great job at holding it inside or convincing myself that all is fine. Or maybe, just maybe,.... this is normal?

The therapist also reminded me that I can not diagnosis myself. Thanks to so many classes about mental illness, and the DSM V, she said we are geared to working the "check list" on ourselves, and that we don't have the capability to rationally diagnosis a situation that we are in.

I have also become concerned about the fact I want to yell "RUNNNNNN" or say "I am so sorry" when friends of mine are on the brink of expecting baby #2, instead of a simple "congrats". I do realize everyone has different kids, and certainly (THANK GOD) not everyone has to check the reflux and colic box off. However, I a fear for them. I hope better for them. And pray they aren't as side swiped as I have been with such a life altering change. (why on earth do people always say it is worse going from none to one then it is from one to two?...liars)

Pete and I haven't seen each other in days. Ok, I mean we say hi and bye, and might have a moment to ask a question or two, but for the most part our day to day involves each of us with one kid, and never with each other. This is certainly something I didn't consider while pregnant with Addison. That not only a baby would be more work, but that our marriage would. We somehow need to be miracle workers and find time not only for ourselves but each other. I miss Pete.

I also have to find a way not to beat myself up constantly. Especially over Rylan. I have been feeling like the worst Mother in the world lately. I can not get through to him. He only listens when I take out my monster Mom scream. It sucks. I hate it. His behavior horrid. His back talk and mouthy mouth words a shock. His inability to listen to me when I am calm and rational while pissed as hell is frustrating. His reaction to monster Mom scream makes me want to sit down and cry with him (which I did yesterday because I couldn't take it anymore). I have done time outs, taken his stuff, spanked him, threatened fun things and food, N O T H I N G W O R K S. He is jealous. He is sick of Mommy saying things like "wait til I am finished feeding the baby and then I will get.... blah blah blah". Lately the poor kid has come last when he was always first. Lately I have become the Mom I never wanted to be. I seriously hate yelling. I wish there was another way. I wish I could be a better Mother to him.

I need to find a solution to a problem I am still not sure about. I need to make time where time doesn't exist. Just how is this supposed to be done?

The last thing the therapist told me is if I can not come up with solutions that I think may help, then I am in worst shape then I thought I was in. I SO do not want to be in worst shape. I want to be the rock my kids need. I want to be the Mom they can count on always. I want to be the Mom that make others think parenting is a breeze. I want Pete not to feel like he has to take on more because his wife has gone out and gotten crazy on him. I do not, will not, surrender to that tiny voice in me that just wants to scream out "I AM DONE", and crawl into bed for a day, or a week. I don't want to be seen as a bad Mom or unstable. I just want to settle. I want to settle into this new change with grace. I want to settle into routines. I want to feel inside what I seem like I feel on the out (I am GREAT at putting on a happy face).

Getten Her Snooze On...

...in her crib!

ps. I am well aware of the million of choking hazards in the picture. She has to wear a bib for awhile after eating because she is such a massive puker. The doll sitting in her bed was moved after assurance she was down for the count and I could leave her alone. The blanket...well the thing is she is now used to them thanks to being in our bed, and that our house is a cool 72 at night with central air so I wrapped it around her new positioner. I know you are thinking why now swaddle?...she is two months an over it my friends. Apparently Addie thinks she is to cool for swaddling.She doesn't,however, think it is to cool to call out to her Mom for some paci retrieval.

Stop Breathing On Me!

My sweet baby girl loves to sleep on her Momma. She sleeps best at night when nestled in our bed laying against my right arm so that she can feel/hear me breathing. "Oh how sweet" you may say, and I thought so too... for like five minutes. 

You know how much a Mom gets of sleep when her baby is all up in her grill? zero. You are to busy with your Mom ear on worrying that the pillow under your head might fly on its own and land causally on her sweet face. You worry that dear old Dad, as he is snoring away, might forget she is there and flatten her like a pancake. And when you stop worrying.... all you can feel is baby breathe on your arm along with slobber(and if you ask Pete he will tell you, I hate breath on me! I have made Pete turn around to be in the opposite direction countless of times to avoid such disturbance). You also can help but to curse out load each time she pops the pacifier out of her mouth and wiggles until you pop it back in. You tell yourself she will stop doing this once she is fully asleep. Two hours goes by and you are still playing the F'N paci game! This is topped off with the "countdown" til the next feeding. At this point you wonder how to look up a mental healthy hospital in phone book so that you can plead insanity and get a good nights rest!

Pete has been wonderful lately with understanding how sleeping with the baby affects me and my sleep. Since he can sleep through a hurricane, he has been sleeping on the sofa downstairs with the baby in the pack n play, so that Mom can get some Z's. He strolls in about 2-3 am for a few hours of sleep in his own bed. I attempt a smooth sailing sleep but baby girl always, without a doubt, makes too much noise and fuss to let me sleep. (why do babies make so much noise in their sleep?) Since she also has reflux, she likes to also gag and dry heave which makes me want to call 911. I want to be able to sleep through a hurricane. 

The gagging really freaks me out. After what happened with Rylan he did not exit our room until he was six months old. However, I have declared that Addie is not as bad with the reflux, and that she always clears her throat on her own, which makes me think it is time for some crib boot camp. 

I don't think I am ready for all night sleeps in her own bedroom yet (as who am I kidding I would be pinned to the monitor convinced I heard her choking). I am ready for naps. 

Although she has hated the crib since day one, unless of course the mobile is going and she is in the mood for entertainment, I pressed on. She is sleeping right now!!!! In her crib! Peacefully! Better yet, it is her second nap in it today! This is so freeing for me because I have a free lap, and I am not sucking batteries dry from her swing or bouncy seat!

The best part is: right now BOTH KIDS are sleeping in their perspective rooms, and I finally got time to do the dishes.

Emily and I Take On A Public Playdate

What a bonus it is to have two of my favorite friends from different parts of my past move to CT from Boston? How did I get so lucky? 

Most recently the Valentines packed up their gear and moved to the nutmeg state. Emily and I barely ever get together, and now that she is in CT I have seen her three times in the past month! Yeehaw!

Currently she is living about 45min from me, so we opted to meet at a neutral place, and attempt a public playdate with 2 two month olds, a 1 yr old, and a 3 yr old. WE DID IT! It went so smoothly, and time flew by. Even better, it ended with two cars full of tired kids, and happy Mom's that got to see their long lost friend in the flesh again. (plus an AWESOME place to take kids helped)

Having an old friend around is fabulous. There is no need for getting to know you games, or filling each other in on what we did "before kids", because Em and I did things together back then. Like party. And church. Pay rent together in Boston. Share size 0-2 clothes. Now, we are adorning Bjorns and running after little ones (not to mention I am SO NOT a size 0-2 anymore--crappers). Who would have thunk? It is like having a piece of "home" submerged in my "new home". A feeling I remember feeling when the C3 family also rolled into town a few years back. 

I look forward to many more play dates to come (especially since we both have two month olds)!

Our Attempt At A Group Photo:

Sammy:
College Friends Now With Bjorns Instead Of Beers:
Rylan:
Together:

4 am

Cuteness of the week pics

Last week on a rainy day we did "Movie Day" and Rylan enjoyed a private viewing of Wall-E and some butter popcorn:

I couldn't resist taking a few pics of Addison in this cute outfit (thanks to Sporty Spice), and that she was so happy:

I love them. Even when one talks back to me and doesn't listen, and the other barely sleeps a wink a night, and pukes on me all day. I love them.

What to do with a crap load of Zucchini?

This weekend my in-laws gave to me three massively large zucchinis. I scratched my head while thinking of all the ways I could make these bad boys into yummy meals this week.
So I started with this last night:

Yummy-healthy Salmon in parchment paper. SO GOOD. SO EASY. And anything that comes out looking like a little purse always has some goodness in it! If you like Salmon and zucchini you MUST try this recipe from Everyday Food

(which by the way, is an old favorite of mine. I have literally kept YEARS of this magazine, and have used their website for recipes MORE then Foodtv.com! ---now that is LOVE)

I also made something I never ventured to make before, but always loved to eat--Zucchini Bread. Thanks to Cass Just Curious!!! It is so YUMMY. However I could not convince Pete to eat it for breakfast as he said "I don't eat zucchini for breakfast". The worst part was grading the big a$$ zucchini, after that it was smooth sailing. Go over to Cass and try it yourself!

BABIES BABIES...

BABIES EVERYWHERE!

Is it me or is it in the water? birth control not working these days? people are extra horny? I am not sure... all I know is everyone is either pregnant now or has been pregnant this past year that I know. 

For instance... both my Mom's group, and the Blogbeque crew has grown in a years time to half of them providing babies this year, and half provided babies in the upcoming one! It is crazy. Suddenly the world has been biten by the "baby number two" bug (and in some cases baby #3).

Next baby to arrive..... CHRISTINA (hurray! I can't wait to snug him!)

BlogBeQue 2009: A love story.

Ok maybe not quite a love story, but certainly an interesting one through friends and blogs!

What is a BlogBeQue you ask? ahh.... a beautiful question. That just happens to be five blogging families getting together to enjoy a beautiful Summer day and actually meet in person!!! Here is a quickie on how we all got where we are:

Christina  (my BFF and friend from the old high school days) told me all about this cool hip thing called Mommy blogging, and I decided why not join the fun when Rylan was just six months old! Then I started to read a blog she listed on her blog roll that were friends of theirs called McCashew. Months later my my dear friend from college and old Boston roommate Emily started a blog of her own which was full of anticipation since she was just about to have her first baby! I then checked out a blog on her blog roll that featured friends of theirs that were also expecting baby #1, and that would be the Littlest Loban. Suddenly it was like wild fire, everyone was reading everyone elses blog. Now that I think of it, I guess that made me the middle man since it was my high school, and college friends collided with friends of theirs. ALL over the Internet--NUTS!

So the Littlest Loban was kind enough to host the first Blogbeque last Summer, which sadly I could not go to. However this year, we did and it was a BLAST. I had yet to meet Momma Loban and fam, and there is something so odd about meeting people for the first time when you already know so much about them. There was no need for small talk, or pretending to be somebody I am not, since hell they read my blog and know all about my potty mouth, sarcasm, and that I sometimes want to put a "for free" sign on my eldest kid. They have also read about some of the hardest times in my life. To go back to step 1 of whats your middle name? and what is your favorite color?, would just be weird.

It was a hoot to watch all the kids that we all read about on each others blog interact. It was like an Internet playgroup the kids never knew existed. Even better is the Valentines have recently moved to Connecticut, which makes ALL OF US in this very state. How cool is that?

When this Internet friendship started to form the McCashews had just moved to CT, the Lobans and the Dos Santos' fam had already been here, and the Boehk's and Valentines were both living in Boston. The odd component is we all had a tie to Boston and at least one of us in each of our families had lived in Boston at some point in their adult life--weird right? And now....WE ALL LOVE IN CT--even stranger. 

We are also feverishly multiplying. I am thinking it is less about acting like rabbits, and more about wanting our kids close in age. Regardless, and I can't speak for everyone--(maybe they are a bunch of horndogs I don't know-because frankly that would just be uncomfortable to blog about wouldn't it?), it is apparent through all of our blogs that we sure love this parenting stuff. Heck would we write hours and hours of their lives on the Internet for the world to read if we didn't?

I am sure the entire crew thought I was lying about Addison since she didn't cry a peep. I also couldn't handle telling Rylan for the seventh time to stop touching his sister in an aggressive manner in a hush tone, and had to raise my voice. My everyday friends are quite used to this, as they know hell boy only responds to such a reaction. I broke it out at the Blogbeque all WT style, and even startled the cook (he thought he was going to be put in time out, poor Daddy Loban). Rylan, however, kept his grimy little hands off of her from then on. I figured out he was testing me--Rylans brain "would she infact go ape shit on me here at this fun Blogbeque where she first met some of these peeps?" My brain " Shit yeah I will". I did. Because frankly I was amongst my Internet friends, and there is no pretending with these folks. They know me. We are not strangers. So Rylan I call your bluff my little man, even if Daddy Loban might of burned a burger or two because I put on my pissed off teacher voice and startled him. 

All and all it was a great day. Kids had fun. Parents had fun. And I need to have the buffalo chicken dip recipe or I might die! (I am sure it isn't so good for the upper ass fat I am trying to lose, but it is great for a par-tay)

I am thankful for being the middle man. Thankful for blogs, because heck without them Blogbeque 2009 would have never happened. We can't wait for the next gathering! Thanks to all of us living large in CT we are hoping there will be more!

Blog-B-Q In Pictures

The cute host that only stopped this ONE time for me to take a photo! Holy active little Loban!
Pete and Rylan taking a load off Dos Santos style:
Man oh man--someone put poor Christian to work in the scorching heat!
Sam lowering her bumpitty bump on her little bro:
The Valentines:
A rare occurrence: Rylan kisses his sister WITHOUT pulling her arm out of her socket or pulling her hair:
Ry and Caroline meet up at the snack bar:
Christina never gave me permission to post this photo--but I love it so much I HAD TO! How cute that her and Addison share a smile:
The Dos Santos Fam (courtisy of the Momma McCashew)--yes I look like a big pile of sweaty crap---it was a HOT day here in New England:
Future love birds?... Again can you believe they were born 2 weeks apart? (also courtesy of Momma McCashew):
My favorite photo of the day--Rylan playing with Sammy (and of course...another photo courtesy of Momma McCashew)
Thanks to the Lobans for hosting such a fun event! And to the McCashews for sharing photos!!!!