Am I Dreaming? Or Is It A WHITE HALLOWEEN!

Isn't the song supposed to go "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas?" and yet we have a white Halloween!

A freak snow storm hit us up here on the east coast and it SO wasn't kind! 14 inches, and power/heat out has led to major hysteria! 20 degree evenings in unheated homes has really worn it's wear on people. Word is power won't be restored for up to 10 days! The kids of our town have already racked up 2 snow days (plus another from the hurricane a few months ago) BEFORE HALLOWEEN!

At the start of the madness we did go to our downtown trick or treating! When planning on the costumes months prior, I really didn't consider snow being a factor! Here are the kids ready to rock it:

Hours later it became over a foot of snow, and candy was the least thing on our minds while in a cold, dark house. Luckily we sought out refuge at my sisters home in Rhode Island, and we are staying put until we here good news from home!

Never in my life did think that snow we could turn our trick or treat plans upside down, or that I would have to shovel out my pumpkins! Certainly a Halloween to remember!

Note to self: time to look for a job south STAT!

TV SHOW CHANGE

Just and FYI if you are planning to check my debut out on I Survived Beyond And Back I have been pushed back until Nov. 6th 10pm on the BIO channel! NOT this weekend the 30th!

This WILL make you smile! Happy Halloween!

I saw this on the news and had to look it up!

http://youtu.be/UfcNoMnKjrY

Fall Florida Fun

Every time this year I post the same looking Florida vacation photos. The only difference is the little people in then keep getting bigger!

You would think with the amount of time our family spends at beaches, Addison would be a lover of it. However, she waited until the last day to embrace it and look like this (she cried all the other days pleading to go home):
Rylan however looked like this the entire time! Even with rough seas!:

Here is our very favorite outdoor mall City Place! Pete and I enjoyed a date night that included the ability to eat near the bar, and watch Carlos Mencia live!:
One of the days wasn't great weather wise so we ventured off to the local science museum:


Many of the local places to eat offer on site water fun --and so my kids never really sit in their seats:


The beaches were flooded with jellyfish this year. It made it a little worrisome for swimming but pretty cool to see none the less:
This beats ALL New England weather:
We haven't even ventured into Winter in New England yet, and we are seeing SNOW in our near forecast! After looking at these pictures and thinking about how horrible last Winter was to us, I keep thinking--WE MUST MOVE!

Why My Ovaries Hurt

I thankfully had the pleasure to scoot off to RI to meet my new nephew before he was even a week old! I also got to do this WITHOUT MY OWN KIDS! (Heavens open -- angels singing) It was so lovely that I may leave the kids every time I go to visit my family! (ok ok not every time)

I held that baby for 10 hours straight. Or at least until he cried for his Momma's kisses. He is such a GEM of a baby that he makes my ovaries hurt... and it also may include this reason to:
He is so darn cute! It is a miracle there is a non-reflux/ non-colic baby in our family! A MIRACLE! The chances of this ever happening again is like winning the lottery! Which is why my sister and I are calling it quits now!

The Devil Wears Abby Cadabby

I know what you are thinking--What an angel! Cutest Abby Cadabby on earth! Such a sweet girl.
The reality is, about 5 minutes after this picture was taken, this child was the devil in an Abby Cadabby/Sweet Girl disguise.

We were attending her local library group for 2 year olds today. She was excited to wear her costume, and sang the songs happily and calmly. Until suddenly she decided Halloween books were boring. She stood up and started yelling at the top of her lungs. She wouldn't sit. I tried to wrangle her in with quite whispers, and using terms like "criss-cross applesauce" to que her. She looked at me with disgust--"Like really Mom?-I'm in control now". I was losing my patience and losing her more each minute that passed.

Who is this kid? I thought. She is always the kid sitting still listening. She is always the kid quiet and whispering. Now she is THAT kid in a public place.

As if it couldn't get any worse--it DID!

She sweetly caressed my very favorite necklace that I earlier in the day questioned wearing. I was happy it calmed her down and she whispered to me "Mommy it is so pretty". Just as I was saying thank you, homegirl stood up and grabbed it with both hands. She flew back and put all of her weight on pulling my necklace. My very favorite necklace broke open, and hundreds of beads fell to the ground.

I was about to cry. I barely could look at her. I calmly stated "That wasn't very nice Addison". I feverishly followed every bead that fell to the ground to gather them. And this is where I learn a mighty lesson.

I'd like to thank the fellow Moms sitting near me that pretended they saw nothing. You know the ones that SAT on the beads, and proceeded to watch me try to pick all of them up while wrangling my out of control toddler. Just when I thought there was always a non-verbal "I got your back" as fellow Mommies. Not a soul--not ONE soul picked up a bead, or offered any encouragement to the moment. Actually the only thing I did receive was looks of disgust, and a non-verbal signal that it was time for us to leave.

And so I did. With more then half of my favorite necklace sitting under judgmental Mommy asses. If Abby Cadabby's wand really worked I would have changed them all into toads!

Addison learned her lesson. All day she reminded me "I broke it. I wasn't nice. I didn't listen. I sorry. I a good girl now". I love her up, and remind myself, although it was my favorite, it was a mere necklace (plus I bought one similar to it afterward at Kohl's!--that soothed the pain a little).

I learned a heavy lesson to. Never assume others will help you in any given situation. Always assume regardless of that fact, that you would.

Moms of the universe: I got your back.

Fall FUN

Leaf Pile Fun:
Addie in our "Graveyard":
Pumpkin Cheese:

Halloween Jammies:

Words

I always had a great love for writing.

At a young age I remember writing songs after listen to very inspiring Debbie Gibson albums. I also wrote a captivating short story in fourth grade about my life being married to Jon Bon Jovi (sorry kids it is a personal manuscript that I am unwilling to sell).

As I got older I learned the power of the written word. How one simple sentence can impact another human being, and how words could free oneself from our inner most feelings and thoughts. It really is a blessing. I also learned how reading can help you not only escape, but also relate to other human beings. Written words are the inner most part of the soul. For me that is so freaken cool.

I never thought I would make a living as a writer. Especially after a nasty college professor eluded to my need to "buy an editor" for my college papers, and that clearly I had the money (if she only knew). She followed that statement up with, "the only way you got here anyway is from being white and cute". This broke my soul at the time. I wondered if she were true. I gave up on my ability to write. While being unaware of her reversed racist statement would later be a blessing.

There will always be haters. Someone right now is reading this very blog thinking "oh now she thinks she can write a book--pleeeaassee". My revelation after thinking about all the hurdles I had been given is, my own worst critic is writing this very post. I am the girl the guidance counselor told to go to community college and get a job at MacDonald's. The same girl that holds two Masters degree's following his sad statement. And the same "white girl" that is no longer a size 2 that the college professor referred to, but considers herself being successful professionally.

I am not taking this blog and making it into a book. This blog was my debut blog. It helped me practice writing, vent, and be my authentic self. It is a platform of my life including a few hidden gems that may or may not be great use for a book someday, but over all a free non-edited version of my life. I never re-read it--hence the grammar. I never sensor it (unless I worry someone I am close to will read it and be hurt by it). This is who I am.

So why did I attend BlogHer Writers? because I had a strong feeling about my other blog. When I began to write it, words flew out of me from places I never knew I had. It was raw, and I saw immediately how the meat of it permeated others. It inspired me to seek out this writing thing further. We shall see what comes of it. Maybe all that I gained from a fantastic writing conference is a more purposeful blog.

Lesson learned yesterday while sitting with a major editor was regardless of what people say, you have to believe in yourself. You need to turn off the critic and turn on the believer. There isn't one of us who would be anything if we didn't put ourselves out there, and try.

It only takes a moment to dream up a dream, and a lifetime to work at making it come true.

ps. for you loyal readers! No need to worry--Mommas June Bugs is staying alive! I still get to chat with you about muffin toppers, sweat pants, and of course...Starbucks.

Work It Gurrrrllll

My pants are baggy. People are mentioning I am looking different. I am feeling good and in control of my eating habits. And I even seem to be adding some extra exercise in when I least expect it.

The part of Weight Watchers I keep failing at is food journaling. This is sort of funny since I have no real excuse for it (seeing as I am on the Internet all day), but just the mere fact it is tedious and a pain in the arse. You can't cheat to yourself. Everything on there is 100% true to what choices I made that day. Obviously this helps weight loss and is meaningful, but it is so time consuming.

I have been a WW slacker the past few weeks and need to giddy up on that skinny horse. Even when I am feeling great and control, it is important that I a) make use of the program I am paying for b) take note that I could feel and be even better! So just so we are clear, instead of logging in and counting points, I am here writing to you. (soon after logging points--for realz)

I went on my scale this morning and raised the roof. 2lbs down. You got this sista---work it. Two hours later I basically strutted into the Weight Watchers office thinking my bad ass self would make my 10lb loss into a 12lb loss. Except the joke was on me! On their scale I was up 1.5 lbs. I wanted to so badly to make excuses (I ate before hand, water weight, different scales--yada yada yada). Truth be told--for as good as I am feeling I am not doing the program like I should.

Alas I grab the reins. Wake up Aimee! If you don't do it now--Winter will come. Snow up to your ears will mean baked goods and cocoa! You must get this fully under control now before you are wearing size buffalo like last Winter.

And so my friends I am signing off to count points and dive into the smallest piece of chocolate you have ever seen.

I am still raising the roof, because even without doing the program fully--I have made some vital changes in my life--and for that a solute me.

Work it gurrrrllll.

Input Over Load

I know what you are thinking? Where are the cute newborn pics? I of course have plenty (he is lovely, and snugly), however, I have to do the tedious work of making room on my computer for more downloads. Apparently my computers brain is full, and is about to have a mental breakdown. Get in line computer--get in line!

Not that I am about to have a mental breakdown per say--but lord do I have a lot of "input" swimming around in my head. For instance--I have been thinking about a blog post here for a week now! I hate being neglectful in any aspect of my life, especially an area I do for the pure enjoyment of fun!

I have been anxiously awaiting my tv debut coming Oct. 30 at 10pm on the BIO Channel. I was taking a small break the other day and watching an old episode of the show I am on, and low and behold, I WAS the sneak peek of the season! Which floors me really, because I always thought people on this show had WAY bigger-more meaningful stories to tell--and they choose me? My anxiety isn't coming from my authenticity but from my worry of people receiving it. I know it will all be ok because it is my truth, and my purpose. Which also brings me to--have you been watching Oprah's Life Class? WOW. Best tv I have ever seen hands down!

I have also been dealing with the inability to swallow correctly (which I am sure lends to a number of jokes out there--hardy-har-har to you!). My tonsil is growing in size by the day! I have yet to eat something in weeks that doesn't get stuck! So off I went to the ENT Dr. and of course, his recommendation was to get it out ASAP! So I will be evacuating the tonsil of Texas in November. I am worried about it on many levels. Including the one that it might cost me the Dave Matthews concert I am planning on seeing that weekend! YES I considered rescheduling around it--because I already missed seeing him this Summer! Then the other level---Cancer. Scary word. I am sure it will all be ok, but it is still worrisome.

In the meantime I am off to BlogHer' Writers this Friday! I am so excited! I love that I am trying something new, and that I won't look back on this "I Wish ..." with regrets! I am going in and giving it my best. My book proposal is iffy since I haven't a clue what it should look like, but it is honest. All I can hope is that it is received well. I am also so excited to be in my favorite city all by myself for the day--regardless of the 4:30 am wake up!

There is a load on my plate right now, but I wouldn't change any of it--except for the tonsil maybe. The up side is I will be able to eat Thanksgiving dinner without food getting caught, and by then my tv show will be aired and out!

Focal Point

I received a text on my phone that read "I like drugs I can't wait to get some". Normally this would be a concerning text but I responded "Don't worry alcohol is in your near future!".

My sister was in the early stages of labor and I needed to do what I could to assist from afar. Naturally the mention of wine seemed like answer (9 months plus -a week over due would do it to you too!)

The next text read something like "I love epidurals" and my response was I am sure was key. Everyone needs a focal point they say so I responded "Keep your eye on the prize--a margarita! OH ..and a baby too". I can just picture my sister pushing out my nephew focusing on the idea of a margarita in her hand. Who needs classical music or a picture when you have a party in your head! I am positive it helped!

I waited. Waited. And waited some more. I probably should had a margarita myself while waiting to calm my own nerves. See my sister didn't have the best first labor/delivery experience with my niece, I just wanted this one to be smooth sailing for her.

I talked myself into going to bed, but wrapped myself around my cell phone in hopes of some news.

Next text read at 11:39 "Here's Ian". I couldn't open up the text quick enough--because it meant a picture of my first ever nephew in it! And there he was so cute with my happy looking-calm sister. Even if she doesn't admit it--I am positive it was because of my eye on the prize text. She can thank me later.

And I am blessed to be an aunt again! Now that is something to cheers about!

What Does It Take For Quality Care?

We started out annual Florida trip with a bang! My poor kid was so sad when I picked him up from school early to grab our flight out. I thought he was anxious about leaving, which sounded GREAT in my head, until he was suddenly puking in the security line at the airport. Thankfully we were in suburban NY and not urban NYC, as I am quite positive the reaction to a child puking in the security line wouldn't have been so well received.

He was totally out of character and almost lethargic the entire flight. On the way down I had a garbage bag practically wrapped around his head, and when he threw up as we were landing I declared "stomach bug". This was an utter-vacation-bomb to declare, as we were envisioning 5 days of taking turns to the bathroom at the family home in Florida.

The next day Rylan broke out into a head to toe rash--AGAIN. Two weeks prior he had this and perplexed doctors when they couldn't figure out what he had. He tested positive for 1 strep test and not another. Well a HUGE sum of $$$ to a walk-in clinic in Florida which we attend EVERY SINGLE TIME WE VISIT (I wish I was kidding or at least exaggerating but it is true) determined just that. Rylan had strep and he was mis diagnosed by our doctors back at home.

This did not sit well with me. Especially since we are brand spanken new to the the practice, and just got out of 5 years of crap care from our old pedi's office. I continued to have somewhat of hope until Rylan had a allergic reaction to one of meds (swollen/drooping eye) and the after hours pedi nurse (no doctor on call WHAT?) didn't know a thing nor was she even associated with the practice. She did however tell me the pedi office made a huge mistake by not re-testing Rylan when he tested for strep originally and told me to call his doctor in the morning.

I was hugely disappointed. I didn't get any clear answers until I called the walk-in clinic yet again.

I feel like we are back to square one again. I am in search of a doctors office that actually cares for their patients. I want to be heard and validated at the parent. I want top notch care and not to be blown off. I was apologies when things aren't done right, and for my kid not to suffer with strep for almost a month after being seen more then once.

And I am searching yet again.

Where I Am At Yo

Wow this world is swirling around me.

Deep breath Aimee deep breath.

There is a lot going on. Even more to take in. And I am just trying to wrap myself around the things that matter-like my smiling daughter asking me to go push her on the swings.

Watching the commercial the other day on BIO was humbling and scary. It reminded me that this big reveal of my deepest secret was about to be shared with the world. Vulnerable much?

I am feeling really emotional about it. Plus the fact I am a hormonal/PMS mess and my sister is about to deliver new life sort equals me being a hot mess. Plus--don't even get me started with the camera adding 10 lbs, or the fact I wish the show had a make-up artist. OH and why exactly did I cut my hair so short RIGHT BEFORE taping!

I am occupying my mind with the "how I look" stuff, when really what I fear most isn't someone from my past thinking "look how fat Aimee looks" but more "Aimee has gone off the deep end with her "I died" story". When in fact it isn't a story, it is a fact. The fact of my being. Discounting it almost feels like discounting me.

I am breathing.

It airs Oct 30 on BIO! I hope you will tune in!

The second layer of all of this is the "what now". I keep asking myself what is the next step. What do I want to do with this now that my secret is out? I am still not sure about that. I am sure what matters is taking in the moment. Remembering why I told my secret in the first place.

In the meantime I will be figuring out the big question while at BlogHer' Writers, and in much prayer. I also will be hugging my kids more often and reminding myself of all the glorious things that matter in life. Worrying about what others think should not be one of them.

Big things are on the horizon. I feel it in my bones and in my core. I have this never ending feeling of vomiting, and an insane amount of insomnia.

The good news is, I have never felt so alive.

I Survived... Beyond and Back: Aimee - Web Exclusive: I Survived Beyond and Back Full Episodes and Videos - Biography.com

I Survived... Beyond and Back: Aimee - Web Exclusive: I Survived Beyond and Back Full Episodes and Videos - Biography.com