Internet Rehab

I am in Internet rehab. I realized after spending much (if not close to all) of my vacation off of the Internet, that life not only goes on, but it is possibly better. I realized how many little things I have been missing out on, and why I feel like I never get anything done. I realized.... (big sigh).... that I need to take more steps away from the computer, and more steps into life.

This is sort of hard when you number one hobby is blogging, and reading blogs. I have decided that my once dedication to posting everyday, and reading everyday, now needs to be revamped. People will live without reading about how much Starbucks I am drinking, and others will still have massive, successful blogs, without my one little lousy hit. All of this thinking brought me back to BlogHer'10 in the only session I have carried with me, and referred back to in my head. I am perfectly happy having a small blog, I am happy that it is personal and suits me (and that nobody is telling me what to write), and I, for once in my life, don't need to be the leader of the pack. Now if we are talking Starbucks fan, or consumer of the most educational loans well then that is a different story. As, after much thinking, I realized my favorite luxuries, is drinking latte's and getting educated (way way over educated because my obsession to learn new stuff is INSANE).

I must admit, when I am ruffling through something in my head, feeling raw, and needing an outlet, where do I turn... My blog. And I love, love, love it. It is freeing, and safe, and comfortable. It represents me in the way I want to be represented, and it lets others know who and how I am, without actually having to talk about it face to face. Most importantly, it is my space. My luxury of expressing myself, and being just me. Blogging to me is much like Zumba. I love it, it is good for me, it means well, it gives me time for me, and....well.... it's a hobby. So a hobby is what I am trying to treat it as, instead of a full time job.

I noticed while on vacation and "smelling the roses" sort of speak, that I miss out on daily things I take for granted. Like the ability to hug my kids and smell their hair, and whisper "I love you's", instead of having them hang on my leg while I type a post, and continue to say, "just one minute". Or realizing there are more choices to my day then to blog while eating lunch while the kids are sleeping or at school. Who would have thought a quiet lunch outside on the deck, alone, could in fact be an enjoyable option? I have also realized I don't need to tweet about every muscle I move, sickness I have, or a blow by blow of my day. Why? because nobody CARES! So unless I have a heavy thought that needs to burst out my mind, something funny to share, or something non predictable like "right now I am brushing my teeth", home girl won't be tweeting.

No worries. I am not breaking up with you. I am not ending this blog anytime soon. Just wanted to let you know that when I am not blogging or tweeting, I am living life fully.

What about you, fellow bloggers, how do you balance time between your Internet life, and your "Real" one?

Winter Is Coming...

A mood came over me and I felt this undeniable need for Christmas music. Um...yeah hello Halloween hasn't even happened yet.

Maybe it is because of all the darkness. We wake to pitch black, and eat dinner at 5:30 to pitch black. Pitch black makes my inner bear want to hibernate. It makes me want to put on a sweater, slipper socks, drink hot tea, wrap gifts, light the Balsam Fir candle, and listen to silent night. However the fact that it is October, and oddly 70 degrees out in New England, it is seemingly unrealistic (or at least enough for meds!).

The darkness with the gloom and doom of the looming long cold Winter makes me want to crawl under the covers. And although I want to dance to Christmas music, and wrap gifts, it also makes for a very depressed version of me. Not depressed in the version of "I can't get out of bed" , but more like, "I either need a nap today, or I am going to bed at 6pm with Addie". I am moving in slow motion, yawning every five seconds, and living off of Starbucks. Did I mention the fact that the only thing I feel like wearing is sweat pants? (especially those HOT maternity ones that never got put back in the "for pregnant women ONLY" bin). I have also noticed my desired hairstyle of choice seems to be pulled back pony tail. This is a mix of having no energy to actually do it, and the other is the fact my sweet Addison doesn't like me to shower or get ready in the morning.

I actually am not minding the 70 degree Fall weather we are having. It is making me think about how awesome it was to be outside in Florida a few weeks back wearing flip flops. I sort of wish I could wear flip flops year round (however that would equal more costly pedicures). While I teeter on the whole more baby making thing, I also teeter on the issue of "is this place where I want to live ALWAYS". Seriously, besides Christmas and all of the festive festivities, I loathe Winter. There was a time in my life when I lived in NYC when I could not handle the Winter any longer and spent all of my extra money on tanning beds just to feel the warm and the artificial "sun".

So I am either going to hibernate after Christmas, get a job at tanning salon, or go on another vacation to Florida in January to break up the horrid Winter days. Since hibernating seems like an unrealistic choice with little ones, and tanning beds cause Cancer... I guess it is vacation with the in laws again!

Two Is Acceptable, Three The World Deems Selfish... Now What?

The pile of itty bitty clothes is piling up in the attic. Swings, bouncy seats, play gyms, bumbo's, and so on and so forth, are sitting idle with plastic trash bags covering them. And I keep pondering: Do they stay or do they go?

Two is always the ideal number. Nobody is surprised when you are pregnant with a second baby, or that you always planned on two. Two seems to be the number that is justifiably "enough". It often implies to most as "the last child". Especially when God has blessed you with one boy and one girl, people love to say, "oh see, now you can STOP!". However, the questions LOOMS.... do I want to?

Three makes people think you are crazy. Three makes people say, "How will you do it? You will be out numbered? Isn't it already hard with two?". Three isn't the "norm". Three makes others imply you are just being greedy now. It also comes with a notion that if you have three, and then you complain about how much work it is, that "Hey you did it to yourself! You should have stuck with two". Why? because the world thinks two is acceptable, and three is insane.

I am teetering.

Half bitten with the baby bug as my little girl becomes less baby and more toddler. I go through all the things people have told me before. The out numbering, the one of each sex, the tremendous amount of work wee ones are, the money, the new car, the room in the house, and the list goes on and on and on.... but still... am I done? Can I go to sleep tonight thinking I am done, get rid of my stuff tomorrow, and never look back?

When does one decide such things? When does a women look herself in the eye in the mirror and say, "It has been a good run. Your ovaries may vanish now". For one that makes me feel so menopausal and well....OLD. I am not old enough to be "to old" for more babies. I am not old enough to say "hello woman body parts, you have no use for me anymore".

And while we are at it... Who says I will feel a grand finale if I had three? Would three be the lucky number, or will I ALWAYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSS long for more on some days, and on others be perfectly content?

Every time I see a newborn my ovaries start to attack my brain. I fail to remember the night feedings, the reflux that all my children will be blessed with, and the over all adjustment of another human being entering into our used to be well adjusted family. Seriously ovaries... you actually want to do this again?

There was a bout of antibiotics last month that convinced me there was reason to buy a test. Why on earth was a negative test a bummer? I have TWO kids. I should have been tap dancing that my birth control worked, not wishing I saw two pink lines! And so I revert back into my head of .... should I stay or should I go.

The pile in the attic is getting higher, I am not getting any younger (neither is Pete), and the definitive choice needs to be made. However... I am confused, exhausted, frustrated, on how one makes it.

Disney 2010

Sick kids + packed park = an ok time at the happiness place on earth! Sadly I did not take a lot of pictures. I was to busy encouraging my kids to try things, and monitoring if they were to sick to go home. I do wish, however, that I reported the rude man that escorted us on the tram--isn't every worker at the Happiest Place On Earth--supposed to be... I don't know... HAPPY and NICE. Over all a B this year. Hoping next time we will have healthy kids, a park that isn't under construction and enough things for the kids to ride, a less packed park, and happier workers.

Minnie Signs the book:

Us with Mickey

My two great sick troopers:
Castle at night
Running around Magic Kingdom
The kids fav part of Disney: The Parade

See the excitement?

Addison clapping and then signing more during the parade:

Patiently waiting for the parade to start:
Addie, Daddy, and Stitch (Rylan did not want to join the fun)
Entering the PACKED park with two "not feeling great" Kiddos
Addison's fav character: "Duck--quack quack" she said to him.
Checking out Minnie

She loves Jessie:


Buzz
Epcot (poor Addie had 102 temp!)
Goofy (which Addison called "Cat" while touching his whiskers)

Giving Mickey a KISS

Holy

There is very few places I have been that I have entered and felt God's presence all around me. One was a Cathedral in Milan, occasionally I have felt that feeling at St Patrick's in NYC, and this place is a constant. If I lived in West Palm, there is no doubt my family would practically live there. Everybody loves it, and we can never get enough (as it is one of our yearly stops). We aren't alone in basking in it's beauty, while we were there numerous people were either doing photo opts, praying, or having a serene lunch by the garden. It is also where Donald Trump got married in 2005! Take a look, and try to tell me this places doesn't look like heaven on earth?