When I picked up and moved to suburbia much about my identity would fall into a New York City ditch. I had lived nearly a decade as a city girl, and now I would need a car, and hear birds outside instead of ambulance sirens. For me, it was like moving to a foreign land.
The transition wasn't so bad since I was still working in the Bronx, going to school in Manhattan on the weekends, and moving close enough to be in the city in under an hour. However, I shed an outer shell I had worked hard at building around me as a city girl. I missed the hustle-bustle, the literal beat of the city's heart is in it. I missed walking everywhere, getting any type of food anytime of day, and being up with fashion by just looking around me. I missed being a career oriented person by day-a Manhattan citizen by night, a church person that could go to which ever she'd like in a matter of footsteps (every kind of religion every block!), an exerciser that didn't know it (walked miles at HIGH speed daily), and a person perfectly comfortable with sitting in Central Park alone meditating while thousands flew by me.
It took a long time for Connecticut to feel like "me". It was a new layer I was forming, and one I still am not so sure on what it will look like when a decade in the suburbs passes by. Since I moved here I not only gave up my city girl status, I got married, started driving, became a Mom, bought a home, gave up my career to raise my kids, and had to make new friends in order to stay sane.
Becoming a Mom was hands down the best thing that ever happened to me, but it, as it often does, came with a long list of sacrifices. I hadn't ever thought of motherhood like this until recently when I attended a party, and I witnessed the shift.
For more than five years I have found myself talking about poop, tantrums, and the best buys on sweatpants with anyone and everyone I consider a friend in this place. They are all Mom's with kids my kids ages. This always seem like a great bonus, but just this week I realized it also works against the core of who I am. Now don't get me wrong, I love and adore my good friends here, but having mom-friends often lacks depth of who the people truly are, and everything circles around the kids. I don't know about you, but I am sick of talking about poop.
I stepped out of my comfort zone this week and attended a dinner party filled with women I have never socialized with before. I have been doing Zumba for 2 years now, and my Zumba teacher (an uplifting burst of bright light), decided to have a gathering of all of the devotee's. We had shook it like a Polaroid pictures next to each other for 3 years now, and yet we still weren't on a first name basis. So over wine and meatballs we were. The beauty for me was I was with a bunch of women of different ages, different backgrounds, and many who are Mom's, and I never talked about my kids. I probably mentioned I had them, but my conversations were 100% all consumed by who I am. I was being seen as a person. I talked with seemingly strangers about my career, my hopes and dreams, my background, and my beliefs. This party came on the heels of my show being debuted in which a few had watched it. This led to a fantastic discussion about God! God at a dinner party with STRANGERS! I couldn't have loved it anymore.
The key lessons to this night came down to two things: 1. I am still someone other than Mom. I need to nurture that someone. 2. Going out of my comfort zone twice since living here has delivered big time to me as a person. 1st I TRIED Zumba and loved it (something that took a lot of guts for me to give a whirl to), and 2nd I went to a dinner party without a right-hand man. I am not someone who can "work a room" well. I don't like small talk, or drinking lots of wine. I do however like women connecting to women. I would have never known that happens at said parties if I hadn't tried!
I am still a city girl at heart, but my suburban girl has softened it a bit. The chips on my shoulders are going away, and I am actually enjoying knowing my neighbors (you don't do that in NYC). Driving everywhere doesn't mean I can't still use my two feet. Giving up my career for a few years doesn't mean I am less of what I once was, or that I can't return to it. And most importantly, .... being Mom doesn't mean I have to be all consumed by them and through them.
City or suburb, Mom or teacher/social worker, I am still ME.
