Vagina Talk

I missed a key opportunity to grab myself a free vibrator among all that swag I have been talking about. It would have done me some good when I dialed up Sallie Mae today. Nah, the loan operator on the other line telling me I owe, $^&*,000 wasn't making my vagina all tingly, now if they were GIVING me that money, and I didn't OWE it, maybe. Instead, I must have slipped up on my dialing and I rang 1-800-Free-Sex. I shit you not. I did, I swear I did.

What caught me off guard was the very business and sweet sounding women (with no Indian accent like the Sallie Mae person usually has) on the other end that greeted me with an exuberant welcome of: "Hello, and thank you for calling 1-800-Free-Sex. We are so excited you called today...". And I hung up! Yes part of me wanted to stay on the line to see how this very serious business women would turn into "now place your hand gently _____", but I couldn't. I was just flat out shocked that I had stumbled upon them instead of that bitch Sallie I was meaning to call. Although, it did give me a great needed laugh before I did get ahold of Sallie Mae so she could punch me in the crotch with this hefty number I can't imagine ever paying off for my over educated ass that isn't even being used right now. Unless we are discussing my one on one tutoring of my son I am doing (which really means losing my temper and yelling at him eventually for not paying attention and to outline the letter "R"--note to self: teachers really should not teach their OWN actual children), or maybe it is when I give people all the unsolicited advice because well.... I know it all and only one person can know it all right? (or wrong. But once upon a time I helped alot of people get off drugs so doesn't that count for something Sallie Mae? Good heart should = less interest).

My free degree in blogging should totally pay off that loan by the way, because nothing like a room full of 2,000 other women doing the same exact thing will make you more victorious. Or maybe I will apply for a part time job at 1-800-Free-Sex, my parents will be so proud, plus it is something to tell my kids someday right? .... or not.

The fact I wrote this post with the words: vibrator, sex, vagina, and bitch, just show exactly what a voice one American women can freely have. So many, many thousands of women can't even say the word no in public, never mind VAGINA! When thinking about my bloggy blog lately, and "my voice" (must pronounce this with a deep bellow), I started thinking about those women on the panel last weekend who fought to be heard on the internet. Women risking their lives for others to be heard. And even women, in our very own country, who didn't have a voice or a right to vote. Women who advocated for me to have a voice, and all of us loud mouths to do something for others. Pay it forward to the other vagina's in the world who can't speak because they have vagina's! And let's not forget to be thankful for the Sallie Mae beauttcchhh because thanks to her and my rights in this country, I "gots" myself a super duper education which you can totally see in this post right? Word up and to your mother.

Side note to my husband: if the phone bill comes in with hours of 1-800-Free-Sex billed to it, I was totally calling Sallie Mae.

To my fellow vagina's: Speak up, we can't hear you. Quiet women is not what our ancestors fought for, nor is it right to do when so many other countries have silenced vagina. A silenced vagina is just so sad and unwelcoming. Speak of something--anything, that can help someone and make a difference.

Peace comes with freedom of speech.