Grocery shopping is supposed to be less taxing with only one kid then two right? At least this was my logic, since the older one often gets the "I wants" and often gets stuck at the lobster tank, I left him with his Grandpa. "Easy" I thought, when strolling in with just Addie. I figured I would give her a snack and breeze on through.
First she was hanging over the side of the carriage like a monkey. What I didn't know is she was looking for the best place to drop her beloved CLEAR pacifier. Who the heck decided CLEAR was the perfect "color" for a pacifier? Pacifier makers take note from this parent: it f'n sucks. So of course she dropped it, I didn't know this, and when I went to look for it when we were at the long deli line to quiet her, I felt the flesh in my cheeks color. Suddenly I was on a mad dash to find this freaken thing that is see through, and looks like the white shiny floor (sadly this is not the first store I have ever done this at). I ask the janitor of the store who tells me he doesn't speak English. I give up shorty after and return to deli line. Just as I was ordering ham I see Addie pointing to a aisle and making a loud noise. Addie found it! On an aisle I went over and over about 100 times and didn't see it, and this time it looked like it was "see" able for nearly any eye from any angle.
Something about this sparked "fun" in my daughters eyes. Suddenly the aisles of Shop Rite became her battle ground and I was her key player. She rummaged in my purse (which she normally does to pull out my keys and play with), and instead decided to take out my library card. She held it up, showed it to me, and dropped it while giggling. Surely it was cute the first few times, but by the 100th I just wanted to buy ice cream and leave. I know you are thinking about why I didn't just move my purse and the answer was because I chose giggling baby tossing crap, over screaming baby pissed off while I try to concentrate on my list.
Thank goodness the purse wasn't filled with anything to embarrassing. It would've added an extra element to it if she was flinging maxi pads, various medications for embarrassing ailments such as diarrhea or yeast infections, or appointment cards that implied a gyno appointment or something of the sorts. The list of fun things she could have flown out of anyones purse in public made me giggle in my head. Instead, I was fighting the giggling, jumpy baby over a library card. Whoppty do right? (yeah you try it about 10,000 times and tell me how "fun" it is)
By the time I got her to the car and clipped her in, she was sleeping. Apparently this game exhausted her baby brain. Luckily this meant my time to listen to MY music. I am so freaking sick of little kid music that I swear I am going to taking that friggin twinkling star and shove it up the wheels on the bus' back door. Then suddenly I wanted a raspberry beret for the love of Prince. This my people was MY kid music. Yes Prince. It blared in my car as the baby slept, and I couldn't help but think about my purple sweat shirt with Prince's face on it, that I wore in second grade. I'm not sure that deliciously sexy Prince sounds were exactly "of age" for me, but I was giving the finger to that John Jacob guy, This Old Man, The driver on the bus, AND Farmer Brown. I was too cool. I wore a raspberry beret and I didn't even find it in a thrift store. Ok I didn't really, but I DID have a purple Prince sweatshirt, and I would have rocked a raspberry beret if someone bought me one.
Kid music has totally changed in 30 years. (or there is a chance Prince wasn't exactly considered "kid music" and I just got away with it)
On most days I am pondering why the old lady swallowed a fly, among so many other things in stupid kid songs. I figured out anything with a high pitch, overly happy, annoying singing voice to a bip boppty tune will make my kids go ga ga, and sadly that doesn't me Lady Ga Ga.
Thankfully blaring Prince music with off pitch Mom singing keeps them asleep. Which made the day a little better after I almost lost my library card, and a clear pacifier about 15,945 times.
Oh, and I got ice cream on sale! Double bonus!
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1 comment:
ok, laughing out loud at your grocery store story, because, oh have i been there! isaac's favorite thing to do is throw whatever i selected into the cart, be it bananas, canned soup, ice cream or a gallon of milk. consequently, we find "goldfish" and green bean cans all over the store, just so he can throw them into the cart.
and he HATES kid music. HATES it. he likes disney music, but that's it. the kid loves him some buffalo solider and soul sister. true story.
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